How do I best support this girl?

[minsue]

Just once I'd love to agree with you, amicus. I must, again, vehemently disagree with what you've posted. I can't even begin to comprehend how you can say that seeking the help of a professional is the "worst thing you can do".

I was one of those kids. Mentally ill and fucked up six ways from Sunday. Do you have any idea how many well-meaning people tried to "fix" me? Especially in regard to cutting? There is a phrase used generally in medicine, but which I try to live my life by

First do no harm

It is all too easy, and tragic, to harm someone even when you have the best of intentions. Especially a mentally ill teenager.

 

[amicus]

minsue.....

The field of modern psychology and consequently Social work, has two great faults. Meds is one area easily understood.

The ongoing philosopy of psychology, with the heavy caseloads brought on by these sorrowful 'latchkey' discarded, neglected, unwanted kids is to medicate them, to 'numb' them to a point they don't feel anything.

Even school nurses are instructed to advocate medications for 'unruly' or 'hypersensitive' kids. This is one of those issues where indeed the large Pharmaceutical companies walk hand in glove with schools of psychology.

The second great fault in seeking 'professionals' is that the entire field is permeated, through and through by a 'relativist' ethical and moral system wherein 'values' exist only in a 'group' sense.

That 'group' identity is what most of these troubled kids are running away from, the value system they are struggling against.

They are seeking a means by which to find value within themselves, to find a 'reason' to keep on living, a 'personal' individually oriented vision they can grasp and comprehend and live by.

Not only do I advocate 'not' seeking the professionals, I urge you to run fast as hell in the opposition direction if you come in contact with them.

While it is true that in a minimal number of adolescent disorders, it is indeed a chemical imbalance in the brain and requires prescriptive treatment.

For the vast majority, it is a case of the young mind, being filled with moral contradictions screaming and acting out, searching for reason and rationality. Drugs, Priests and wacko 'Shrinks' is the last thing they need.

amicus

 

[Guest]

LP, you know me, and I think respect and trust me. Do not pay a mote of attention to Amicus. He is a troll in sad disguise. I won't begin to argue or lend a word to any discourse with him. Scan his 'Feminine Mistake' thread for evidence of his own illness and pathological vacuity and arrogance.

Otherwise, you've received the best advice possible from everyone else.

best always, Perdita

 

[destinie21]

LP as a woman who was once a very hurt and very angry teenager who had to deal with the "backlash" of sexual assualt I can only tell you and reiterate what others have said. Leave it to the professionals. I know as a person with compassion it's a hard pill to swallow but I can only speak for myself when I say many of the adults who tried to help me failed. The reason being that they tried to befriend me however at 14 I could hardly keep up with the pressures of my peer group let alone be on equal footing with an adult. It was harder trying to be both a child and an adult because it added confusion to an already stressful situation. Secondly in all but one case the adults who thought they could be my friend were immediatly idolized in my eyes making the realtionships that should never have come into existence in the first place even more inappropriate not necessairly because of inappropriate actions so much as what went on in my head. Any way once you idolize someone it's impossible to see them as falliable so if something does go wrong it crushes you. (in my case that something was as simple as a broken confidence, as an adult I now realize that the betrayal wasn't in this person telling my parents how I was acting out, the real betryal would have been their silence.) however at 14 I couldn't grasp that and I went from bad to worse. I wanted to kill myself becuase of what I precieved as the loss of my best friend also it made it that much harder for me to trust adults and thereby harder for me to confide in the people that could help me. Having said all that I'll say this. Be there for the girl but don't befriend her let her know that she can talk to you but make it plain that you are the authority figure and also let her know that any behavior that you find detremental is not a secret between the two of you. Don't become her enabler in that sense.

You may want to look into rape crisis centers that offer support programs many of which offer anonimity but if her parents are as rigid as you say even mentioning it may be overstepping.

 

[amicus]

LP....

"Now, how can I be there for her? I've told her if she wants to talk about her problems she's free to and I'll listen. Otherwise I think she just needs people around her to make her feel good.

Happy for advice.
LP"

Most people accept the idea that there are, 'two sides to every argument..."

Perhaps it is only my function to present that, 'other' side.

Yes, you take a risk of doing harm to both the child and yourself by getting involved.

It's called human compassion and concern about another person. Not always such a bad thing.

There was a young girl, on All Poetry, she wrote stories under the SN of Hazel Ice Rose. Very few read her stories on the site, mostly a site for short poems, so I took it upon myself to read and comment..on her and several others.

I never met her online, or talked with her, but followed her stories and promoted her work. Then she quit writing and posted nothing for several weeks.

Her sister posted a note, that Hazel Ice Rose had died of cancer. She knew she was dying and yet kept writing her stories, all of which were in a positive, upbeat style.

I cried when I learned of her death, tears come to my eyes even now as I remember and type this.

Take what you will from this. The reason you asked for suggestions is because you care. Don't let the cynics and the jaded influence you. Keep on caring, it is what makes us human.

warm regards and good luck, amicus



__________________

 

[Raging Whoremoans]

Take what you will from this. The reason you asked for suggestions is because you care. Don't let the cynics and the jaded influence you. Keep on caring, it is what makes us human.

warm regards and good luck, amicus

Um...I'm pretty sure that every person that has responded to this thread has done so out of compassion and caring, both for LP and for the girl she's worried about. Not sure how you missed that, but having read some of your other postings it doesn't surprise me in the least. It might do you some good to shut up and listen for a while. You just might learn something from/about the people you don't know and have no hesitation calling jaded and cynics.

~ R W (wasting her breath, yet again)

LP,

I don't have much to add here that hasn't already been covered, but in my opinion just keeping an ear open if and when she needs to vent is the best route. I never try to 'fix' people's problems, as I'm not qualified, but I've found that just listening is often the most helpful course of action anyway. As minsue said, helping or attempting to help can sometimes compound the problem. I leave the professional diagnosis/treatments up to the professionals, but making myself available seems to remove some of the feelings of isolation they might be feeling. It might not seem like much, but in the grand scheme of things every little bit helps. Good luck. It's nice to know there are still teachers out there that do look beyond the warm bodies filling their class and actually see the people within. Keep up the good work.

~ R W

 

[gauchecritic]

Take this with a large pinch of salt.

I only ever worked with one person who cut themselves. Social Services, Local Health and the Police had this guy down as extremely threatening and potentially violent. I thought he was ok and treated him as an ok guy. We got along (and still do if we meet in the street). But talking to him for a few minutes a day is all I ever did and all I will ever do although he took every opportunity to pour his troubles onto me because I took a minute or two to listen and was not an authority figure.

(this is the pinch of salt part)

Being a teacher LP, you are a figure of authority. Your teaching friend is also an authority figure. This child, it seems is seeking an alternative to her parents. It looks like you have been cast in this role for good or bad. It's a good thing that this substitution is still an option for her, but my advice (based on nothing whatsoever) is to maintain the teacher pupil relationship.

By being a friend outside of school you lose authority and this is something that the child is in need of, a kinder authority, an authority that is willing to listen but an authority non-the-less. You are also in the contradictory position of an authority that can be ignored or challenged with impugnity, this is a very special and worthwhile authority to hold and is extrememely useful to young adults. Be a friendly teacher by all means, but remain a teacher at all costs. This really is as much as you can do in the way of being there for her.

Gauche

 

[Lovepotion69]

Thanks so much to everyone who has responded to this thread. I'm greatful for your input. I was mainly after various inputs as I'm fairly young and never been in this situation before. It's been very good to hear everyone out. I've been warned, had issues highlightened from various angles and general support.

I appreciate the concern expressed for me and my professional life. Some of the things highligtened in this thread I haven't even thought about at all. It's all been good to read.

For now I think I'll stick to the "Be a friendly teacher by all means, but remain a teacher at all costs" approach. I guess that's what I had in mind from the beginning. Be friendly. Be a caring human being, but also do keep a certain (professional) distance.

Thanks everyone.
/LP

 

[overthebow]

For now I think I'll stick to the "Be a friendly teacher by all means, but remain a teacher at all costs" approach. I guess that's what I had in mind from the beginning. Be friendly. Be a caring human being, but also do keep a certain (professional) distance.

/QUOTE]

Absolutely. She needs someone to connect to in a mentor way, and that you can do. But the sheltering love that she should be getting from her family is something else.