how do i ask my bf about...

[skaterbabi3210]

bondage n lotsa the kinky stuff i see n read about interests me. i want to try some of it but idk if my bf is into it or not. i would like to do it with him n not someone else but im afraid i might scare him off or make him think im weird. can ne one tell me the best way to ask n talk to my bf about it without creeping him out?

 

[EJFan]

the most important piece of advice i can give you is to talk about it in a non-sexual setting. this isn't something you want to bring up in the heat of the moment... it's more of a breakfast conversation, so to speak.

you might also try posting this in the BDSM forum to get their insight as well.

 

[silverwhisper]

first, welcome to lit, skater babi! :>

second: you're kinda vague about what interests you that you want to introduce to your bf. i think however that there's probably a way to work just about anything into sex when you're actually in the middle of things. what EJ said makes a lot of sense, as he invariably does, but i also recognize that isn't for everyone. if you're into bondage, ask him to tie you up. if you're into discipline, try working some very light discipline-related stuff into your sex--ask him if he should be punished, or if it's the other way around for you, ask him if you've done something that "requires" punishment.

i don't suppose you'd care to be more specific?

ed

 

[Chicklet]

I think one of the harder things about trying to advise someone on how "not to creep out" their S.O. is that *we* don't know your boyfriend, so how do we know what's going to creep him out?

A lot of the guys I've been with, I had to initiate conversation about my kinky interests. I just did it bluntly. You could initiate a conversation with him about his fantasies, get him to open up about what he'd really like to try, then tell him what you'd like... then perhaps you could each go about pleasing each other in those ways. Maybe he'll surprise you and have a few of the same interests.

Frankly I've never had a guy refuse to tie me up when he knew I wanted it. Hurt me, that's a different topic, but tie me up... they seem to not mind light bondage so much

Good luck.

 

[TBKahuna123]

This is a big issue in any longterm relationship, but it's also the most important thing to overcome. The only way to continue to explore your sexlife is to talk about what interests you, but that fear of "Freaking Out" your partner can be a big deterent. I've said this probably a dozen times here in response to the same question, but the way I overcame this was to play 20 questions with my wife. It let us ask each other questions, without flat out saying "I like this". It's a safety net, and at the same time it can be very fun and very intimate. Every part of sex shoudl be fun, including talking about it. Once you get past that first conversation, it's all easy from there.

Good luck!

 

[emap]

Personally I've found that one of the best ways to bring up something having to do with your sex life is in a porn shop.

No seriously, if you want to be tied up or otherwise incapacitated, grab up some handcuffs turn to him and just say it. Something like You know i've always wanted to try being handcuffed, or I have always wanted to try handcuffing my boyfriend. 9 times out 10 that will lead you to buying the handcuffs and trying it out.

Though I have to admit handcuffing him, or well most anything else that would involve doing something to him most of the time requires you to offer yourself up for one of his fantasies before he will agree to it, besides a different position of course.

The biggest thing to keep in mind, work your way up slowly, if your into pain and bondage, start off with handcuffs then add in clamps and so forth, don't be grabbing cat o nine tails and paddles right off the bat, if he does fine, but you have to start slow.

Oh and of course, conversation conversation conversation. You have to talk to him and let him know your quirks and find out his quirks, otherwise one of you is going to be disgusted at some point, well maybe.

 

[SubNebGuy]

light bondage (handcuffs/ropes) and blindfolds are easy ways to breech the subject.

I cna't think of many guys that'd say "no" to the question "you tie me up, and next time I tie you up?"

but do dicuss it some time when yer both in a good mood.

 

[Eternal_Learner]

One step beyond your BF

I am just about exactly one step beyond your BF. I recently met a woman to whom I am tremendously attracted. I have a habit, mostly unconcious, of dumping all the scary things I can say about myself in the first two dates. And she reciprocated. When she said she was in to D/s, I really didn't know what she meant, but she mentioned this site as she has, in the past, been a fairly busy poster.

Bottom line: it was like a light going on in my head. Suddenly, things I had been doing since childhood (is seven too early to be a Dom?) made sense. I had been brought up to be really narrow-minded about sex, and since I had dealt with a lot of it, I thought I was done. I wasn't. And there is every chance your BF is not. The porn shop idea is not bad; it would have worked for me. But if you find some Web sites you can show him, like this one, it's even more private.

Additional note: this woman I mention was really dragged down by knowing what she really wanted and not getting it. If you don't get want you want in bed, you may not be getting what you want elsewhere. In that case, it is better to deal with it now than in a decade.