How Do Homophobic Guys Survive a Physical?

[Dixon Carter Lee]

So there I am on the slab yesterday taking off my shorts so some guy I never met can feel under my balls and stick a greased finger up my ass (not even dinner first), and I'm thinking "I'm secure in my manhood and have no problems with this, but, still, it's uncomfortable and invasive and slightly, well, you know, weird, and if I'M feeling a little off how in the hell does a man full of homosexual angst and hatred get through a physical at the age of 40?"

I can't see it. I can't see some "Faggot!" belching over the hill frat boy rolling over for a rectal finger-fuck ("Dude!"). They must all die of prostate cancer.

And then, while I'm lying there feeling my insides being probed, I started wondering if he was using the same finger on me he used on my wife a week earlier...

Then I remembered she decided to use another doctor for that. Still, THAT was a strange thought.

Okay. I've had three physicals in my life, and each time the doctor tells me I'm in great health and I feel like an idiot for even making the appointment. So that's it, then, no more probing until I'm 90 and too weak to resist the nursing home goons.

 

[Pyper]

Only three physicals in your entire life? I get one each year at my OBGYN appointment.

I've always wondered about that. Are guys supposed to go for male-plumbing check-ups as often as we females do? If not, does it just have to do with men needing less biological maintenance? Or are they just afraid to go because they ARE homophobic and are uncomfortable with a little rectal probing?

Does anyone know?

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

It's because we don't think we're ever really going to die.

All other answers are gradiations of the above.

 

[Ask For More]

Well....if it ain't broke then I'm sure as hell gonna avoid rectal exams until it is!

I just keep remembering that scene from "Evolution" when Orlando Jones gets an alien under his skin....

Nurse: "Shall I get the lubricant?"
Doctor: "There's no time for lubricant!"
Orlando Jones: "THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR LUBRICANT!"

 

[*Lazer*]

You could always use a female doc DCL. BTW we see a few of those beer belching types in the ER when we are getting that pesky toothbrush holder out of the rectum. (Yeah, Yeah, we know the "little woman" surprized ya.)

 

[KillerMuffin]

Men are at just as high a risk for testicular or prostate cancer as women are for cervical or uterine cancer, particularly as we age. Women go to the gynecologist yearly for that lovely pap smear experience. Men go to get their asses probed because the best method for surviving prostate cancer healthily and happily is early detection. Detection involves the finger up the butt and getting the balls felt up. Be thankful that it doesn't involve a speculum and cotton swabs. The military requires that all men and women have a yearly physical. Above the age of 25 all men are required to have a "full physical." Which is military for ball fondling and butt probing. That's how they discovered the StudMuffin's testicular cancer while it was still benign. Of course, they removed it, which is the worst possible thing the military could do cause they fucked everything up.

Testicular and prostate cancer really do suck, though. Glad to hear that you're healthy. A bit more uncomfortable, but healthy. Don't forget to make your appointment next year.

 

[miles]

Lazer*

Good point Lazer-dood.

I had a physical not too long ago and the doctor was a female woman. Still pretty uncomfortable. The bitch could have at least given me a little reach-around.

 

[registered "^^"]

Best way to survive a prostrate examine

Moan and back up into the finger! It's over fast that way!

 

[cymbidia]

~standing off on the sidelines, waving pom-poms wildly in support for KM's matter-of-factness AND utter correctness with regard to this subject~

 

[Guru]

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

We're men. What's a little colon bleeding? We can take it. Grrrrrr.

 

[registered "^^"]

Men are stupid

I was too. Now i go every month, KM is right cancer sucks. You big tuff intelligent guys get off your dead ass and go have a physical.........before you are dead!

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

You write local news report promos, don't you?

 

[GuyJD]

Forget the physical DCL, how do they survive a prestate exam with a viabrating instrument? Trust me, it's nothing to write home to mother about.

 

[registered "^^"]

HEHEHE

Got fired for being to nice DCL.

 

[tmuyo]

i had a hot young doc do mine...

i got lucky, maybe she wasn't supposed to do it...but hey, it got me the physical pass i needed for my amatuer boxing license when i was 16. she had a hard time getting her finger in me tho. that's one spot i never want played with. i don't mind anal play so long as i'm giving and not recieving.

 

[OUTSIDER]

I've had a rectal exam with in the last year and although it's not how I'd choose to spend an afternoon it's far from the worst medical exam I've ever had, if you are going to need one soon and are thinking twice about it...DON'T....it won't hurt you and it could save your life, just drop your pants bend over and think of England, it'll all be over in no time

 

[Closet Desire]

This reminds me...

...of an interesting story.

My last ship was a Nimitz class carrier and us nucs had to have rad-health physicals every two years. It included the usual rectal exam. Now, in the early 80's we still didn't have women as part of ship's company, but it wasn't unusual to have female flight surgeons as part of the air wing.

I don't know whose idea it was--conspiracy I think--but during a short deployment we were due for our exams and the task was assigned to the junior doctor on board--a woman. Whether the joke was on her or on us I'll never know--maybe a bit of both. But in three days she met more assholes than she had in a lifetime.

It really separated the men from the boys...

(no, I'm not bothered by being examined by a woman--but the ltjg in front of me? Hee hee hee--I was still chuckling when she told to turn my head and cough!)

 

[Angel]

Hey Dixon..

Turn your head and cough.

 

[floridaguy64]

Re: Lazer*

Good point Lazer-dood.

I had a physical not too long ago and the doctor was a female woman. Still pretty uncomfortable. The bitch could have at least given me a little reach-around.

Watch the movie "Road Trip" sometime............. that'll surely give you a laugh DCL.....................and Miles................LOL.


And I have a woman doctor........... she doesn't even blush when I get a woody, gotta admit, she's damn sexy for mid 40's *EWG*

 

[tuirin]

I have never had a medical in my life.

 

[Bigdog]

I can't see it. I can't see some "Faggot!" belching over the hill frat boy rolling over for a rectal finger-fuck ("Dude!"). They must all die of prostate cancer.

Just consider it thinning the herd.

 

[cymbidia]

Re: Re: Lazer*

gotta admit, she's damn sexy for mid 40's *EWG*

Hmmm. And by inference, according to you, most of us are just unsexy lumps by then?


Here's a little tip: most of us are WAY better in our mid-40's than at any other age. We're not afraid of our passions, we're open to trying new stuff, and we *know* what to do with our parts (and yours). Most women, in fact, are at our sexual peak in our 40's. It's a real shame you guys peak at, like, 18 or something.

 

[Never]

Men peak at 18?

 

[Cheyenne]

Men peak at 18?

Yup! Not quite fair, is it?