how D/s changes us

[faeriefire]

Its like saying you have HIV at a family/HighSchool reuinion.

Watch the space around you clear.

Such discretion...such tact. Yep, it'll win 'em over every time *nods solemnly*

ACtually tho, have any of you felt shunned when you did take the time to tell about your kinky self? Do you think it was a result of how you told, who you told, or the situation in which you shared the information? Are the openminded ones generally fellow kinksters, partners-in-crime as it were or also 'nilla friends and family? Somehow I feel like there are closeminded and openminded people in all walks of life.

When I posted I was referring to changes within myself and radiated out...I'm realizing that perhaps changes outside us can also radiate in. What do you think?

 

[rida]

.... I do agree that societal pressure and shedding established roles or stereotypes can play into feelings of freedom. I wonder if it's more powerful to accept ourselves as different than it would be if we didn't have these desires? If we fit under the bellcurve would it feel so great to acknowledge our nature as fitting into the norm? Another tangent perhaps but interesting nonetheless.

Personally, I believe that truly acknowledging and accepting yourself, whether under or out of the bell-curve is a very powerful thing. Being comfortable in who/what you are will give you a huge sense of freedom and can only boost your self esteem.

 

[Netzach]

I would like to apologize for using the word "feminism" in a way that sounded derogatory. I guess I should have used a different word to express what I meant.

There is not denying that in reality there still is a lot to do before equal right and opportunities are reached. But at the same time I guess it is easy to forget how much we own to the movement for all the opportunities we have.

Hey, there IS a lot of bs within the movement, I won't deny that at all. And I don't think your comments were coming down that hard on it - I'd just say that the superwoman paradigm is as much the fault of contemporary patriarchal capitalism as it is feminism. Why are we always laying the blame there? Feminism gave us the choice to go to work, capitalism and the new economy that demands two wages and eats them up took that "choice" aspect right back for most people who do not want to raise children in poverty.

I dream of a culture in which child rearing IS considered work, not only when upper class women take a few years off to do it and write about how tough it really is, but when *every* woman who does it, does it.

I've had to do a certain amount of rejection as a feminist with Feminism Big F because of my sexuality, let's face it. But I think that being unapologetic about your sexuality IS a kind of reform. Otherwise it would be like looking at modern democracy and its failures and deciding that Monarchy is a much better system of governance.

 

[madetotakeit]

When I posted I was referring to changes within myself and radiated out...I'm realizing that perhaps changes outside us can also radiate in. What do you think?

As I said before, I don't think D/s changed me. I was the same person before that I am now. It's just that the part of me that I kept hidden from myself is now acknowledged. Are there changes in me now? I suppose there are. Not as the result of D/s but as a result of finally being true to myself. Have other people noticed it? Some have. I've been told that a calmness shows in my eyes. I guess the internal battles were broadcasting themselves without me knowing it. So yes, internal changes can radiate outward.

External changes can certainly radiate inward. For the past few years I have been stuck in a body created by medication. I was stuck between having to take the medication to stay alive and watching the meds add weight. Nothing I did, diet or exercise, had any effect on slowing it. As a result I dealt with depression, self-esteem issues, and created a nice safe shell around myself. Finally my DR found a medicine that controls my diabetes but doesn't have the side effect. I'm now down over forty pounds in the last five months. I'm starting to look in the mirror and see myself again. My confidence grows the closer I get. My ability to take chances and step out of that shell is coming back. If my progress continues (I'm prepared for it to slow down at some point) I will be back to myself in a few months. It's a wonderful feeling to have control over myself again. The ego boosts I get from attention from the opposite sex again certainly helps too!

 

[graceanne]

When the wife and mom raises an 18 year old daughter who can go out and get a job without having to blow her boss, and doesn't get asked if she's planning on having any children at the interview, then she can continue to tell feminists how badly oppressed she is by their agenda.

If people bother to get their idea of feminism from some actual people and not whatever they're putting on FOX news lately, you'll find that breastfeeding, child abuse prevention, access to child care, and health care for single women with their children are hotter button issues than making suzie feel bad she wants babies.

I just wanted to second this, and warn people not to start a conversation on breast feeding - it's a hot one. I occasionally run into feminists who aren't - you know, the ones who want freedom for women to do what THEY say they should, but I'm a lot more likely to run into ones who jump my ass for spanking my kids. *shrugs*

The other thing that most people don't realize is that those of us who continue to full time parent after our kids are in school still work our asses off. My youngest isn't in school, yet, but he will be next year. I volunteer every other week on M,W,F in the lunchroom. I also help in the mornings with getting kids out of cars and getting them to their classrooms. Other mom's are busier. Shannon has three kids in our school and she spends her morning, every day, getting lunch counts and keeping records straight. Sally helps in the morning, then spends the rest of the morning doing office work and answering phones. None of these women are getting paid to do this - they're volunteers cause they want to help the school that their kids go to. Anne's the lunch lady (she's got two kids in the school), and she gets paid for that. She does not get paid to get kids to their cars in the afternoon's. She doesn't get paid to help in the office.

 

[twysted73]

I just wanted to second this, and warn people not to start a conversation on breast feeding - it's a hot one. I occasionally run into feminists who aren't - you know, the ones who want freedom for women to do what THEY say they should, but I'm a lot more likely to run into ones who jump my ass for spanking my kids. *shrugs*

.

Breastfeeding is amazingly hot. I highly recommend it.

 

[SweetGigi]

Its like saying you have HIV at a family/HighSchool reuinion.

Watch the space around you clear.

If I were to tell any of my family about my lifestyle choice.... in their eyes, I might as well have HIV.

Sometimes religion just makes more problems than it solves. *sighs*

 

[graceanne]

Breastfeeding is amazingly hot. I highly recommend it.

I did. But with my health problems I wasn't able to nurse very long. *shrugs* On the irritating side I nursed my son for a week, he's five, and I'M STILL PRODUCING BREAST MILK. I hate my body.

 

[twysted73]

I did. But with my health problems I wasn't able to nurse very long. *shrugs* On the irritating side I nursed my son for a week, he's five, and I'M STILL PRODUCING BREAST MILK. I hate my body.

That is awesome.

Still? Awesome. *bites knuckle* grrrrrrr.....
On the other side I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties.
I was referring to adult/adult feedings as a bonding/pseudo-sexual tool.

As to gigi, I agree. I think organized religon is one of the best and worst things to ever happen to humanity.

 

[graceanne]

That is awesome.

Still? Awesome. *bites knuckle* grrrrrrr.....
On the other side I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties.
I was referring to adult/adult feedings as a bonding/pseudo-sexual tool.

Perv.

As to gigi, I agree. I think organized religon is one of the best and worst things to ever happen to humanity.

Organized religion is what you make of it. Anything that involves humans isn't going to be perfect. *shrugs* You take the good and leave the rest.

 

[faeriefire]

Ah, religion...well yeah, I think there is good and bad in any human institution. I believe the core principals of religion are well-meant and the that many people who pursue religious ideals are genuinely trying their best to live happy, positive lives, but then I've also seen a lot of hypocracy come out of people using religion for their own purposes. Nine years of Catholic School ya know Too many people use religion to judge others probably IMHO b/c they feel good using the bible as a battering ram. Then again, this is a highly charged topic and I'm definately biased. It was interesting getting my head wrapped around submissiveness after all those years of education and church. The ability to accept myself as Catholic and submissive took some definate introspection. I'm sure many Catholics would think those two were mutually exclusive. Ah, well. Can't win 'em all.

 

[graceanne]

Ah, religion...well yeah, I think there is good and bad in any human institution. I believe the core principals of religion are well-meant and the that many people who pursue religious ideals are genuinely trying their best to live happy, positive lives, but then I've also seen a lot of hypocracy come out of people using religion for their own purposes. Nine years of Catholic School ya know Too many people use religion to judge others probably IMHO b/c they feel good using the bible as a battering ram. Then again, this is a highly charged topic and I'm definately biased. It was interesting getting my head wrapped around submissiveness after all those years of education and church. The ability to accept myself as Catholic and submissive took some definate introspection. I'm sure many Catholics would think those two were mutually exclusive. Ah, well. Can't win 'em all.

People will use more than religion to judge other people. Look at environmentalists and feminists, for example. A lot of them just want to make the world better, but their's always the ones who's decided that anyone who doesn't believe the way they do is bad and stupid and wrong. People want to feel superior to something, and will use a measuring stick of their choosing to find a way. Heck, a lot use race - and that has little to do, at the core, with religion or politics. Intolerance and hypocrisy exists everywhere, not just in religion.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

BDSM and D/s to my little girl's parents are disgusting, wrong, and me treating her like shit. And has gotten her forbidden from talking to me.

But it is also the thing that I think is going to get us through this. I think if we were a regular bf/gf couple this might be too much to bear. But because we have this added bond of D/s to go along with bf/gf I truly believe we will get through this.

 

[faeriefire]

So sorry to hear about difficulties caused by your lady's family. I think a lot of judgement calls are made based on thinking we know what is best for someone else. In the end each person must decide what they want and need out of life. Beyond that there is love and accepting that another is mature enough to choose the path that will make them happy. Good luck and I hope that you will be able to outlast this challenge. Good thoughts headed your way