How can I learn to be more agressive?

[White_Tigress_]

I have tried to be agressive, but I'm not into it. I am hitting my prime and wanting sex more often than I ever imagined. Now I just have to be a go-getter. My husband is great, and sure we have the normal sex life (a couple times a week) but I want more!!!! *L*

How do I go about it? I'm not the dom type, and enjoy bein' taken from him. Its not a turn on for me to have to go get it. I will though, if to please him, or Im in some serious need.

What should I do or what would you do?

Remember.........I don't care to be aggressive...but would like to learn how to go about it slowly and to maybe learn ways that I can enjoy it.

Thanks for any advice

 

[Mr. Bootie]

Go To Sexxylady's "Need a little oral help " post

Yes, go to Sexxylady's "need a little oral help " post and look at my response to her. It is an unregistered title. The heading should read ," The short version. See if you can get any ideas? If not e-mail me and I'm sure I can help you out. Happy Hunting!!!

kgboot29@hotmail.com

kgboot

 

[casilda]

Have to love that sexual prime- it really should be arranged better so that we all hit it at the same time.

Instead of thinking of it as aggressive, could you think of it as assertive? Aggressive sometimes seems to have a negative overtone, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with going after what you want sexually, especially with your partner. Of course, aggressive is good sometimes too- my husband seems to like it *grin*

If you're not comfortable being blunt or just talking about, try some more subtle approaches...is there something in particular that he finds sexy about you? Can you emphasize that without going overboard which is doesn't sound like you're comfortable doing? My husband loves my long hair, and pretty much all I have to do is brush it out so it hangs loose and he's interested. Or wearing black tshirts and tight jeans works for us, or a dress and heels- it doesn't have to be overtly sexual, just something that will trigger something in him. If I wear nice lingerie I don't even have to tell him that I've got it on- it turns me on so much that I automatically seem sexier to him. A particular scent that he likes, food with sexual associations for him? Emailing him suggestive messages?

Small physical cues work for us too- lingering a bit if you give him a hug, blowing on his earlobe, playing slap and tickle in the kitchen- you know best what will give him that little extra push. You don't have to be extremely blatant about it if you don't want to (although that's fun too), but lots of physical affection (even non-sexual) can't do anything but help.

Have you tried just talking to him about it and letting him know that you'd like a bit more frequency? He might be so distracted by life that he's not picking up on the sexual cues you're sending out- we do get used to thinking of our partners in a certain way, and it doesn't always occur to us that their needs might be changing. Masturbation is always good too- if nothing else it's a great release, and makes you so much more comfortable with your own sexuality which can't help but show outwardly.


Good luck- I never actually realized just how much better sex gets for a woman the older she gets until I reached that magickal prime, and it's nice to have willing partners

Casilda

 

[casilda]

Have to love that sexual prime- it really should be arranged better so that we all hit it at the same time.

Instead of thinking of it as aggressive, could you think of it as assertive? Aggressive sometimes seems to have a negative overtone, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with going after what you want sexually, especially with your partner. Of course, aggressive is good sometimes too- my husband seems to like it *grin*

If you're not comfortable being blunt or just talking about, try some more subtle approaches...is there something in particular that he finds sexy about you? Can you emphasize that without going overboard which is doesn't sound like you're comfortable doing? My husband loves my long hair, and pretty much all I have to do is brush it out so it hangs loose and he's interested. Or wearing black tshirts and tight jeans works for us, or a dress and heels- it doesn't have to be overtly sexual, just something that will trigger something in him. If I wear nice lingerie I don't even have to tell him that I've got it on- it turns me on so much that I automatically seem sexier to him. A particular scent that he likes, food with sexual associations for him? Emailing him suggestive messages?

Small physical cues work for us too- lingering a bit if you give him a hug, blowing on his earlobe, playing slap and tickle in the kitchen- you know best what will give him that little extra push. You don't have to be extremely blatant about it if you don't want to (although that's fun too), but lots of physical affection (even non-sexual) can't do anything but help.

Have you tried just talking to him about it and letting him know that you'd like a bit more frequency? He might be so distracted by life that he's not picking up on the sexual cues you're sending out- we do get used to thinking of our partners in a certain way, and it doesn't always occur to us that their needs might be changing. Masturbation is always good too- if nothing else it's a great release, and makes you so much more comfortable with your own sexuality which can't help but show outwardly.


Good luck- I never actually realized just how much better sex gets for a woman as she ages until I reached that magickal prime, and it's nice to have partners who are right there with you

Casilda

 

[Weird Harold]

Instead of thinking of it as aggressive, could you think of it as assertive? Aggressive sometimes seems to have a negative overtone, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with going after what you want sexually, especially with your partner.

Casilda's question raises another for me -- Are you just looking for more sex, or more control over what happens during sex?

Perhaps "more seductive" will fill your needs better than "assertive" or "agressive"?

If it's just you and hybby in the house, perhaps changing your "at-home" attire to sexy lingerie (or nothing) will perk things up a bit?

 

[White_Tigress_]

Casilda, you have some good points in there. I have tried a few, like the blowing in the ear, whispers, bluntly telling him, etc....but not all of what you said.
I do ask him frequently what it is about me that turns him on...or what is it about a woman that attracts him, and a few other questions, usually i get the answer 'YOU'. Not enough of an answer if you ask me, but when I tell him that...it is still the same "I love everything about you". I think his schedual has alot to do with why it isn't as much as I would like it, so I have to think of his feelings also. He goes to work at 5:30am, so he is in bed kind of early. I need to let him have his rest time, I've seen him exausted from the 2hr drive (1hr each way) a day.

Harold, Im just greedy I guess..and I am wanting more frequently. The control part is never a problem when we are into it. I've gotten to the point lately, that I can actually take it every day, twice a day if he wanted. For the 5yrs I have been with him, I have never once said NO, or I have a headache (I suffered through it with the headache..lol.......suffered..joke!!)

Thanks again

 

[Weird Harold]

He goes to work at 5:30am, so he is in bed kind of early. I need to let him have his rest time, I've seen him exausted from the 2hr drive (1hr each way) a day.

Harold, Im just greedy I guess..and I am wanting more frequently. The control part is never a problem when we are into it.

It would appear that you are in need of a method of arousing a tired man then -- more seduction than agression.

I'm not sure how you're going to manage it, but meeting him at the door with a beer, and leading him to the tub for an assisted bath might help.

If you've got two cars, or a friend who can drop you off where he works, meeting him when he gets off work for a quick trip to "lover's lane" on the way home might work once in a while.

Nothing is going to work every time, and that two hour commuting time is going to be a problem -- there is nothing that will kill a sex drive as quickly as rush hour traffic.

 

[Young Knave]

Just tell him "get over here and Fuck Me". I always love it when women do stuff like that (but happens far too rarely). The chances of being turned down are very slim. What's the worry?

 

[Paolo Labico]

A dish best served warm.

If its mostly orgasm you seek, as opposed to a long luxurious session of lovemaking. I'd suggest you start without him...get yourself excited and wet, then show him. It would be hard to turn down, especialy if you tell him its from thinking of him (don't mention that UPS guy).

And if he's too tired he always has a mouth and two handfulls of fingers...women have been doing that for us for years!

 

[White_Tigress_]

I'm sorry

I almost forgot about this thread.
I want to thank you for the advice.

Harold, work does get him down with the commute and the pressure. I don't blame him for it though. I'd like to do those romantic things, and have tried to iniciate it, but I don't think I get my point across to him. I get a kiss, but thats it. With a kid around though, makes it harder still.

Young - thanks for the advice, but I can't bring myself to talk like that. If you hear me say the "F" word, then I must be pretty pissed off...otherwise it's out of my vocabulary. I won't say that I never say it....but you don't want to be around me when I do. *L*

Paolo - i seek both. I love just being held by him, touched lightly, making love, and of course also multipul orgasms!!! (or at least one a day).

I've been trying my best...but living with the twice a week for now. I warned him it will get worse! (more times a week) If he can stand it. He just laughed.

 

[casilda]

It is a drag when life gets in the way, isn't it?

I don't know what you can do about tiredness and work pressure- my dh works shifts, so we deal with that all of the time. And kids are a real pain to say the least. We've got 3 kids under 6, and right now we seem to be concentrating most on new and novel ways to have quickies without getting caught which has certainly added spice to things lately. I never thought I'd spend so much time in the laundry room after he gets home from work lol
But he seems to like it- I'm just resigned to the fact that right now our old days of marathon lovemaking are pretty much behind us for a few years except when we can ditch the little dears, so it's just trying to carve out something satisfying for both of us in the time we have that's difficult.

Hang in there- do you have summer holidays coming up? Maybe a few weeks away from work will help him to get a bit more interested

Casilda

 

[White_Tigress_]

Kids do add some challenges..don't they? LOL
Mine is going to be 8 next month..she is usually glued to me. Not that I mind though. Only problem I have is bed time since she hates going to sleep. Since she has been born she always felt like she is missing out on something.

Vacations won't be for a while with me, but he has one in 2 weeks (1 week off) ..maybe I can attack him then?

 

[Malachi]

The 10 secrets to getting more sex that every woman should know! LOL

No, it's not that simple, but I have a few thoughts which cum from my experiences. They may or may not apply to your situation.

I can't say that I recommend the "Get Over and Fuck Me" approach, even if you could manage it. I think that would only work on a man who was already in the mood. My ex-wife tried to sound sexy when she said it, but to my ears it always sounded like a demand. All other things being equal, a demanding wife is not particularly sexy, especially after a tiring day. Even the get-yourself-turned-on-first-and-show-him-how-wet-you-are strategy could come off in the same way, and if unsuccessful could be MOST disappointing.
I feel that most men much prefer to be relaxed before they get aroused. Unfortunately there is sometimes little you can do to help him relax. I, for instance, need to relax partially by myself before I can receive any assistance relaxing. That means that you need to be alert to the signs of him starting to relax and decompress enough so that you can help him the rest of the way. It could be that he's almost relaxed enough from the hour return drive. Some people, at least, don't get very stressed by driving, even in traffic, finding it much less trying than what they're driving away from. Maybe though, he won't be relaxed enough until after he eats, reads a little, watches some TV, and/or your daughter goes to sleep.
At any rate, you are very fortunate to be in the situation of trying to relax a man you are married to and want to have sex with, because there is nothing a man finds as relaxing (now hear me out) as a hand on his penis. This will be counter-intuitive to some women for a number of reasons, but I assure you that my recommendations will have a good chance of working consistently, and should not be construed by you or your husband as pushy, demanding, or even aggressive.
Maybe you two will be alone on the couch. Maybe you'll be lying in bed reading. It's best if his pants are off, but it's not strictly necessary. If not, you may have to take them off, or unbutton and unzip them. You will not initially be touching his penis directly, only through his underpants. If it is pointing down, you will (gently) place your palm flat against it as if protecting it. The heel of your hand should be lightly against his pubic bone and/or in his pubic hair. Your fingertips should curl around the tip of his penis. If his penis is pointing up, your hand will be similarly positioned, only higher, and your fingertips will VERY lightly cup his balls. Think "presence," not "pressure." Remember, you are not trying to turn him on, you are trying to relax him. He may stiffen up (his body, that is) slightly as you are doing this, but he should settle down quickly. That's the basic technique. Don't try to embellish it. Don't grab, don't stroke, and whatever you do, don't squeeze. I don't recommend looking at him, either expectantly, seductively or "innocently." You're not trying to trick him or anything, but it will really ruin the effect if he's SURE you're trying to seduce him. For that matter, it might be best if you weren't completely sure yourself (even men can subconsciously pick up on these things). Most importantly, you must be patient. He is going to go through stages: relaxation, interest, and probably various degrees of arousal. After several minutes, you may want put your hand in the same position inside his underpants. I still recommend a general "no motion" strategy, because it is possible to likely that he will only initiate sex when he is both very aroused and convinced that you aren't going to make any further move. Besides, you are not trying to force anything, you are just letting him become aware of himself and his needs. Remember that he appreciates what you are doing even if he doesn't respond the way you want immediately, or even at all. On the receiving end, it has sometimes taken me a half hour to "realize" that I wanted to have sex, and sometimes only after a woman had finally given up (not hurt or angry) and gone back to her side of the bed. The absence of the hand can be most deflating.

A few general cautionary words:
Having sex is fun and being wanted is great for the male ego, but it is possible to have too much of a good thing.
My ex-wife used to want to have sex more often than I did, more than once a day, while I was a four times a week guy (don't worry, that's not why we broke up). Not to be discouraging, but even though she always "convinced" me (using much cruder methods than the above technique), and even though I was ultimately always a willing and satisfied participant, it was not something I was happy with. IF other men are like me (little help, guys?) they have a limited amount of sexual/emotional energy which needs to be recharged. I'm not just talking about being able to get it up or produce cum or have an orgasm, though those inabilities would be symptoms of the problem. After coming, especially after coming repeatedly over a short period of time (this time would vary according to the man) I sometimes feel drained, physically and sexually, but also psychologically and emotionally. The world can seem unreal. People can seem unreal. I think this is why some men have to get up and go somewhere after sex, to smoke, to eat, or to run out altogether. If they talk, they may sound cold or distant. This extreme feeling (or lack thereof) doesn't often last for more than a few minutes, but I have sometimes carried a sense of irrelevance or futility with me for as long as a day. So if you do start having a lot more sex, keep an eye out for telltale signs of depression or indifference and know the possible causes.
One thing you can do about that is to not force him to come during sex if he doesn't want to or doesn't seem to care. I know this sounds ridiculous, but my ex-wife wouldn't "let" me not come during sex, and would also like to make me come more than once even if I told her not to worry about it. I didn' t know how to convincingly tell her I didn't want to without hurting her feelings. It wasn't something I knew how to explain so that she could understand. Besides, I was never unambigously sure I didn't want to come.
Also, no matter how often your man is willing or able to perform in a day or a week, he will benefit from a little (or a lot of) extra time off every now and then so that he reaches the point where he REALLY needs it and wants you. This is a VERY important reminder to him (and to you!). Furthermore, he will carry some of that feeling with him for a very long time afterwards.

 

[White_Tigress_]

Thanks Malachi, you have a PM

 

[Malachi]

Personal Messages?

I'm fairly new to this site and I seem to be having a serious problem sending or receiving personal messages for the time being. Everytime I try it says it's denying access and it's always "Clearing my Cookies." I have no idea what that means, and frankly it doesn't even sound like very much fun.

I just sent an email to the webmaster.

So do you think you could email me instead if it's not too much trouble? I don't know when or if I'll be able to get that PM.

James

 

[White_Tigress_]

Re: Personal Messages?

I'm fairly new to this site and I seem to be having a serious problem sending or receiving personal messages for the time being. Everytime I try it says it's denying access and it's always "Clearing my Cookies." I have no idea what that means, and frankly it doesn't even sound like very much fun.

I just sent an email to the webmaster.

So do you think you could email me instead if it's not too much trouble? I don't know when or if I'll be able to get that PM.

You've got mail.
Have you went into the Control Panel and edited your options? There is a spot there to turn on and off your PMs, and many other things. Just curious....
I heard that on another thread though about PM problems, I just haven't had it yet, I don't think. Unless someone PMed me and I wasn't told (I wouldn't know if it didn't show up).

Off to the shower now, time for work...blah.
Be back later.
Take care ya'll.

 

[Malachi]

Hellooooo.....

Dear White Tigress,
I'm sure you're very busy with your job and husband and children, but I'm starting to wonder whether I said something to offend you. Just send me a note to say that I didn't? I hope my advice wasn't some kind of disaster.

James

 

[White_Tigress_]

Re: Hellooooo.....

Dear White Tigress,
I'm sure you're very busy with your job and husband and children, but I'm starting to wonder whether I said something to offend you. Just send me a note to say that I didn't? I hope my advice wasn't some kind of disaster.

James "Malachi" Schuyler

I'm so sorry....I just read your email the other day. I wanted to reply but it was going to be lengthly, and then I got a call from the neighbor wanting us to babysit for 2 days. I was only givin the chance to come online for very short periods of time but didn't get into my emails.

You were very helpful..and no you didn't say one thing that was offensive. If anything you opened my eyes. I have a few more questions to what you said, but I will send you an email this weekend. i don't want to make this thread out to be totally boring to others..LOL.

Very educational to me though.

Please don't think bad of me...ok? I really am a sweet person