How can I get him to last longer?

[Guest]

Hi, friends. I'm a regular on the BB, but am shy about discussing this subject using my "real" fake name. (No, I'm not THE Fake Name.)

My husband doesn't last very long once he's inside me. He makes every effort to make sure I come from his tongue or fingers first, but I want more. I want that penetration, too. Is that too much to ask?

After he comes he always says something like, "I think I was waiting so long for you before, that I couldn't help it." Or "I think you had me in your mouth too long before." (Even though a few minutes had gone by since he was in my mouth.) Or, after he's come and is not hard enough for me to feel anything, he asks if I want him to keep going. <sighs>

Do you have any solutions for me? How can I approach him with this without making him feel like a loser? Is there something he can do to train himself?

 

[Gus]

I thought that the answer was in all the books on the subject.
I had a similar problem when I first had sex. I couldn't make her come. So I tried to hold off as long as I could. At that time being much younger I could start again after a few mins. Didn't work... Anyway the upshot was that I could keep going for a long time and my early experience stayed with me - I had a bit of a complex about making her come first.

So, talk to him TALK TO HIM! Don't get him aroused (too much) and have what you want. When he gets too excited STOP. Have a drop of wine, start again. Make it fun, not a job. If you both end up too tired to cum, so what, you can do it the other way tomorrow or in ten mins if you are still that young.
ENJOY I believe you people say.

 

[Guest]

Thanks for the advice, Gus. He's forty, I'm thirty seven. So youth and inexperience isn't the problem here. And believe me, I'm not doing anything to arouse him. That would be counterproductive!

I want to talk to him, but what exactly do I say? "Honey, let's work on your stamina." Nothing I think of sounds nice. I don't want to hurt his feelings. And when do I bring this up?

I'd appreciate suggestions.

 

[Lajo]

I am a little like your husband. I like to have a woman cum with my tongue or fingers once or twice (or however many she wants) prior to penetration. I do my best to make it last, but often I cum too quickly.

But...nothing says that I cannot get hard again and fuck her some more. Usually the second intercourse lasts A LOT longer.

 

[Guest]

hehehe, Very Very sensitive subject, lol. Take it from a male who has this problem. First of ask him how often he masturbates. lol, j/k don't ask him. I have found that when you are married and addicted to sex like I am, you have a tendency to masturbate too much. What does this have to do with you? Well, the key word in there is "Married". Since I am married I unfortunately "trained" myself to come fast so as not to get caught in an embarassing position so I now have a problem both with "coming hard" and "stamina". Sounds exactly like your husbands problem.

Cure, well I am currently trying all different things, but one thing that I noticed that works is to start pentetration stop penetration, start again, lol. I like to enter my wife and when I feel I am going to come I pinch (ouch, not really pinch) my penis right under the head with my thumb on the top side and index/second fingers on the bottom side. I hold it for a few seconds and go again. Now let me tell you, there are a couple of great things about this method. When I come, I come hard because this builds up alot of fun pressure, also I can last straight up "fucking" without coming for about 25mins - 40 mins this way.

From your stand point, you can try one thing that my wife does and also works but sometimes can be too arousing or difficult depending on the position. She encircles the base of my dick with her thumb and index finger and squeezes pretty tightly. There is no way you couldn't feel your husband about to come this way. At that point, just slow the pace or take it out and refer to the pinching method above. Benfits of this? Well first your husbands penis will me much stiffer and larger at the head because it will sorta swell from the squeezing at the base, and of course stamina as well as an erupting orgasm. Don't do this second method for more then 20 mins without letting go for a few seconds, it traps too much blood in the penis and can actually begin to hurt your husband which would lead to no orgasm and no stamina

. Hope this helps cuz i never wrote so much in my life, lol

 

[Prince]

I can and a usually prolong my orgasm as long as possible, which results in a more explosive finale for me and gives my partner a chance for an orgasm first. I think your husband is just a little selfish.

 

[Dickfer]

Well I can help some...

I've found that using a condom will make things last longer. Not sure if it's worth it but if you guys are using birth control include the condom if you wish.

Have your man please you orally like he has been but don't get him worked up at all before penetration. Us guys enjoy that enough that we don't always need the other stuff...

You might want to start off with side by side positions where things are more slow and you can switch to a more intense position when you guys are ready to get off.
Or you can start on top and have him stay relaxed until you are ready to switch positions or ready for him to start working it.

I had to ask... Does he only go one round? After the first round a guy can usually hold out a lot longer. If you guys want to both do your thing the first round have him take care of himself before you guys do anything.

Girls don't like it if you comment about not lasting... I've found. As far as excuses go... If your man is going to say anything he should just say how good you felt. Try and explain that you are happy he digs you so much he can't last and then after that bring up that you're happy he's working at making you happy. You need to help him out...

[This message has been edited by dickfer (edited 04-07-2000).]

 

[Guest]

Hope_this_helps, that is terrific advice! Thank you. He doesn’t masturbate at all. I’ve brought this up with him, thinking maybe this was the reason. But the conversation never really went anywhere. He looks at masturbating as something you do if your “desperate.” Bad outlook on that if you ask me. I masturbate all the time. So, I thought maybe his problem was just too much sexual build up. I don’t know. It’s hard for me to figure it out because I’m not a guy.

That pinching method sounds like a great idea. I can’t even imagine having him penetrate me for twenty fucking minutes! That would be awesome. It’s only really been about five minutes so far, and we’ve been married for 9 years, steady with each other for 9 years before that.

Prince, you’ve been blessed with the ability to control your orgasm. Your lovers are lucky. My husband isn’t selfish. He almost always licks or fingers me to orgasm first. On the contrary, I’M the one whose being selfish. I usually come hard from his eating me, but I want some more from his penetration.

Dickfer, we do use condoms for birth control. I didn’t want to be on the Pill anymore. Done that for 20 years. Enough drugs, you know? After he makes me come orally, there’s often NO working up! With or without working up right before penetration—it doesn’t seem to matter.

I’ll try the side by side thing. Facing each other?

One round? Yes. We rarely do it more than once in a night. I’m scared to try starting up again. What if he can’t? How embarrassing. Doing it himself before hand…that might be an option if he’ll consider it. Like I said just now, he looks at masturbation as the act of a desperate man.

Maybe I need to go about it this way. Like I liked it so much the first time I want to do it again. How do you think that would fly?

Thanks a bunch for all the advice. I really really appreciate it. I open for any more ideas!

 

[Dickfer]

Ok...

Condoms do make things last so that should be helping some.

Try starting out with him getting you off and then go to penetration in a side by side position. Facing each other or same direction. Any position that is relaxing. Take it slow... Then you can have him get off and move into another position or if he can't go right into it again... Just make the relaxing position last until you feel like you are about to blast off and have him put you in a position to where you both can work at finishing together.

Find positions that don't always involve being so physical. Relax and fall into each other...

The pinching and pulling to delay things doesn't usually work and if it does it just slows things down a little... It's a mental thing. A lot of it is in the big head. Not just the little one...

Stroke his ego to help explain what you are wanting out of him.

I could only last like 5 min. at one time but now I can't usually do my thing before 20 min. even if I try. It's nice but one draw back is what do you do if you are worn out and you ask her to be on top and she says she's worn out?

Good luck

 

[Guest]

Siren, when I first started reading, I could have sworn you were my wife! (You're obviously not

) I, too, have had difficulty lasting more than a few minutes during actual intercourse. And I also disagree with Prince's statement regarding selfishness. I hate that I can't always provide a long, hard session to my wife.

The recommendation to have your husband take care of himself prior is good, but as you stated it could be a little awkward. What's worked for us is for my wife to either orally or manually satisfy me first. Then I bring her to orgasm either orally, manually, with toys, or some combination. By the time I'm done pleasing her, I'm usually ready to go another round and it almost always last 20 minutes or more. In fact, she often wears out before me.

The stop/start method has improved the initial stamina, but takes some getting accustomed to.

Good luck and thanks to the others for some very good ideas!

 

[Dickfer]

Familiar hit everything on the mark!

 

[Guest]

You guys are TERRIFIC! I could kiss you all. Thanks so much for all the terrific advice. I'm going to try a bunch of it. I have great expectations for postponing penetration until the "second cumming." (So to speak!) He'll enjoy it a LOT if I let him cum in my mouth first to take the edge off.

Again, kisses and hugs to all of you. Thanks so much.

 

[Dickfer]

That part about you letting him do his thing in your mouth should work! Don't know about it taking a edge off but he might get so worked up he'll go 3 rounds...

Good luck!

Originally posted by siren:
You guys are TERRIFIC! I could kiss you all. Thanks so much for all the terrific advice. I'm going to try a bunch of it. I have great expectations for postponing penetration until the "second cumming." (So to speak!) He'll enjoy it a LOT if I let him cum in my mouth first to take the edge off.

Again, kisses and hugs to all of you. Thanks so much.

 

[Guest]

Heh heh. I got my wish. He lasted much longer than I did last night. Thanks a bunch, fellas! <winks>

 

[Guest]

Woooo Hoooo! A two-fer last night Siren? A double your pleasure, double your fun evening?

Congrats and Good sex!

 

[Janet Tenaj]

Explore the pages of the Kama Sutra. The Kama Sutra isn't only partly about different ways to fuck. It is much more about a couple pleasuring each other and making the experience last. Though it may come off as a little whacky with the meditation and other rituals, if you can get past that and actually get into it, you can go at it for hours if you so choose. Some of the exercises teach the man how to control his orgasm and some teach the woman new ways to use her Kegel muscles.

Try having him enter you, planting himself as deeply as he can, then stop. Don't thrust or wiggle. If you can manage to comfortably sit on his lap while doing it, go for it. Perform Kegel exercises, squeezing him. Have him respond to your squeezing by "pulsing". Look into each other's eyes, trying not to blink too often. Synchronize your breathing. The point of this exercise isn't to achieve orgasm; the point is to enjoy the sexual union. After you've both had enough, your accumulated lube will make for very slick intercourse. It has been my experience that when there is excessive lubrication present, I last much longer because there is less friction on the shaft of my penis. Condoms also help me last longer -- maybe instead of using the "ultra sensitive" kind go for a thicker, larger one.

If your husband feels that masturbation is the act of the desperate, perhaps you should try masturbating together. Just sit on your bed across from each other and pleasure yourselves, slowly, watching each other work. It isn't masturbation if you have a partner.


[This message has been edited by Janet Tenaj (edited 04-17-2000).]