How Can I Feel More Confident?

[ohwhynot77]

I am seeing someone and would love to wear lingerie for him and take more control and try more things creatively in the bedroom. We TALK about it but I am afraid I am all talk because when it comes time to put up or shut up, I chicken out due to my lack of confidence.

How can I wear lingerie for him and NOT feel like a ridiculous pale pudgy cow (I am 5'4 and a size 10)? Seeing those gorgeous Victoria's Secret models I just feel like the fat frumpy little sister… like I have no right to even wear those things they wear!

I just wish there were a secret confidence pill I could take because I know confidence is attractive. I just hate the thought of looking ridiculous!

Thanks!!!!

 

[LadyVer]

Imagine you're a Viking princess, and he's a Viking warlord. Have one drink beforehand.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Forget about him for a while, get yourself some lingerie that YOU like and wear it around the house when you're alone. Once you are comfortable wearing your frillies, then you can share them with him.

Self confidence is something that you have to grab by the balls and take control of for yourself, no one can do it for you. Find little things throughout your day that you can stand up for or be more vocal about. Is this scary, sure, but as with all things, the more you do something, the less scary it is and the more confident you become.

 

[SunDevilGirl]

He's obviously into you or you wouldn't be having these conversations. Wear what makes you feel sexy. He probably just wants to take it off you anyway.

 

[MeekMe]

^_^ It's easy to feel embarrassed and very hard to feel confident. I agree with the other replies. Also, VS models are not normal. They are chosen specifically because they are freaks of nature! >.<

Anytime you see a perfect figure in a magazine, chances are there have been some improvements made upon it. Ditch the idea that you should look like that and be yourself.

Find something that is going to accent your body type. If you'd like, find something that brings the focus to a part of your body you're most confident about.

Honestly, I think he'll like anything you wear. Generally, you just take it off anyway so have fun.

 

[Hypoxia]

As my old correspondent the Mountain Deww Girl said: JUST DEWW IT!

Emotions (including confidence) are non-zero-sum. Instead, they're self-perpetuating and self-fulfilling. They follow the Circulation Law: What goes around, comes around. Send out insecurity and weakness, and that's what you get back. Send out love and confidence, and they are returned many-fold. Show that you are confident in being sexy and taking control, and you shall be richly rewarded. Don't equivocate -- JUST DEWW IT!

 

[twister947]

Much of that stuff, if viewed with an honest eye, is ridiculous, and most of it is designed for lingerie models, not normal women. Pick clothing that enhances your self-confidence, not the other way around.

 

[unregistered]

 

[silverwhisper]

remember that for most men, lingerie is (essentially) gift wrap. and as has been said, stop worrying about VS models, all of whom are airbrushed on top of being exceedingly unusual physical specimens.

there's an old saying: fake it til you make it. there's a transformative power that you can work from the outside in. for an example: if you're in a bad mood, try forcing yourself to smile when you see people. you'll find your mood lightening as you see their responses.

ed

 

[GiggLeGasm]

I've tried wearing lingerie around the house to encourage me to think about "him" while he was away. It really just made me feel silly and, by the time he got home, it felt kind of staged. I don't know how it would work for self-confidence.. maybe.

I hate to say it.. but I agree with Silver on this one. Fake it til you make it. You might find that his reactions are so delightful that the situations becomes less about how you look and more about how playful the evening becomes.

If all else fails, cut slits in your flannel nightgown and make it peek-a-boo.

 

[silverwhisper]

GLG: aw, don't worry, it happens to the best of us. :>

ed

 

[LikeASnowflake]

Find the the parts you love most about your body and focus on them... enhance them.
Most of the time we (women) freak out about stuff men don't even notice.. we are always too hard on ourselves...

 

[MAF84]

Most women have some part of their body that they dislike. Many of those super thin models probably also have issues with body image and food. So don't give yourself a hard time for not being über confident.

Think of some of the biggest sex symbols: Jennifer Lopez, Christina Hendricks, Beyoncé, Kate Upton. Their curves are what drive men wild.

What do you like best about your body? Accentuate that part. Remember that he has already seen you naked and finds you incredibly sexy.

 

[DirtySecrets11]

One of my gfs work for Victoria Secret and we've talked about this a bit. It's quite common in her department for women to voice their concerns about their body and self-consciousness.

I would suggest something not as revealing but classy and flattering. You don't have to dive head first with a two piece lace, slowly work into it. Maybe a shear babydoll once piece or a silky satin one? Embrace how it feels on your skin and curves around your body. You're doing this for you as a gift to him so don't put on anything that makes you feel too uncomfortable but take a small step out of the comfort zone, little by little you'll build that confidence.

 

[beingtrue2me]

I am seeing someone and would love to wear lingerie for him and take more control and try more things creatively in the bedroom. We TALK about it but I am afraid I am all talk because when it comes time to put up or shut up, I chicken out due to my lack of confidence.

How can I wear lingerie for him and NOT feel like a ridiculous pale pudgy cow (I am 5'4 and a size 10)? Seeing those gorgeous Victoria's Secret models I just feel like the fat frumpy little sister… like I have no right to even wear those things they wear!

I just wish there were a secret confidence pill I could take because I know confidence is attractive. I just hate the thought of looking ridiculous!

Thanks!!!!

A size 10 is now a cow? You think you have problems? Now I am never leaving my house in the day light. You are fine. If he gives you the attention you are wanting then enjoy it and give it back and before you know it you'll have a pole installed in your bedroom. We all have a sexiness in us that someone somewhere can see so just relax and enjoy the moments.

 

[fire_breeze]

I am seeing someone and would love to wear lingerie for him and take more control and try more things creatively in the bedroom. We TALK about it but I am afraid I am all talk because when it comes time to put up or shut up, I chicken out due to my lack of confidence.

How can I wear lingerie for him and NOT feel like a ridiculous pale pudgy cow (I am 5'4 and a size 10)? Seeing those gorgeous Victoria's Secret models I just feel like the fat frumpy little sister… like I have no right to even wear those things they wear!

I just wish there were a secret confidence pill I could take because I know confidence is attractive. I just hate the thought of looking ridiculous!

Thanks!!!!

If he is seeing you, then he is already interested. If you're already at the stage of talking about wearing lingerie, then you can damned sure that he really really wants to see YOU.

What you see in magazines are completely photoshopped - NOBODY looks like that. Trust me. In fact, take a look at this (SFW). You will see how much of those adverts are photoshopped. In particular, play attention to the hips and the waist.
http://l1.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/2.MiJVRnAAazGfigeioWgA--/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7cT04NTt3PTMwMA--/http://l.yimg.com/os/publish-images/lifestyles/2013-12-16/0134e84b-5e79-42b9-a3dd-9ab19c6e6a42_tumblr_mgy8i33akg1s405ijo1_250.gif

I used to hate my ass and hips - when comparing myself to models and other women I see in adverts, I felt that I was too curvy, too wide. Turns out that my all absolutely loves the curved, ghetto booty and the hips. I have friends- professional models - who tell me that they wish they had my hips. All I personally care about is that I am healthy and that my all likes what he sees. Otherwise, I have come to the conclusion that it does not matter.

Take solace that he doesn't care about your numbers. He probably doesn't notice. He wants YOU and your body. If he didn't, he'd date a model, right? (and by the way, the whole "yeah, but he hasn't seen me naked and I'll take off my clothes and he'll run" is not gonna happen. He is attracted to you. Your body is just a part of it, not the defining element).

Regarding models, have you ever seen Dove's "Evolution" commercial? (I tried to post a link, but my phone is not cooperating - or I'm technologically-UNsavvy). Most models are photoshopped and airbrushed because they aren't "perfect" enough, either. We regular gals have to stop comparing ourselves to them. Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can possess. Find something not too revealing to start, maybe a silky, pretty, short nighty. If you feel pretty in it, your confidence will show! He wants to see you naked, he's into you. You just need to give yourself permission to let go of society's image if how a woman should look and get comfortable in your own skin. This is hard, but worth it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hibyAJOSW8U

 

[Rozalin_0123]

First things first; fuck Victoria Secret! They are prejustice against women with curves and try to convey the notion that you have to be a twig to wear lingerie. I can't even find a 36D bra in that place

Size 10 is not a cow! There are many places online where you can find sexy yet classy lingerie no matter what size you are. There are even some that specialize in plus size lingerie.

As others have mentioned, start with a sheer baby doll or nighty. Once you see his reaction your self confidence will skyrocket, I promise you. After that work your way up to bustiers, corsets, and teddies. Confidence is an attitude, strut your stuff and smile while doing it. Every woman has it in her, unleash the beast within

 

[subwannabe]

Being a guy I really have a hard time empathising with this train of thought, especially when it comes to skinny airbrushed models. They are downright unattractive. Most all of the guys I know would rather fuck a real size 10 person. Most women just don't realize what horndogs we guys really are. The truth is we want to see almost everyone naked, unless you're over 250 pounds. If everyone was blonde haired and blue eyes size 2 our world would come to an end. We don't want to fuck a robot where everyone looks the same. We actually enjoy seeing everyone naked or in lingerie. We really don't care if you're not perfect as long as you have boobs and a pussy and the more women we see naked the better. We love it that everyone looks different.

 

[Julietravels]

5'4", size 10 and you want to complain? Girl, you are doing fine and I am sure most men would appreciate you just fine. Okay, so you aren't size 4 anymore, none of us has the girly figure we had in high school, or even college. Wear something sexy and I assure you, he will appreciate it and want to see you out of it.

Do this, wear a baby doll nightie. Have him take your panties off and everything will happen naturally. I bet he will ask you to do it again.

 

[Noor]

In my experience, the two outfits that gotten me the most sex over the years are a large man's button front shirt with the sleeves rolled a bit and top two buttons unbuttoned with nothing underneath and a Lanz granny gown that buttoned down the front at least as far as the waist, sometimes with the top button unbuttoned, sometimes not.

The best way to be more creative when you have image issues is to ask him if you can blindfold him, and if he is agreeable go to town

There is a book called exhibitionism for the shy that is quite good.