Hotwifing Trust HELP

[Espinner]

After years of my husband asking, I finally started "cheating". It was hard. My confidence relies on my husband of 19 yrs (which I'm sure is wrong). I don't see myself like he does so it was hard getting going. I found a guy I liked. He was nice and funny and full of praise but the sex was "eh" at best but convenient. We started hanging more. I kept the "banter" to myself and shared the sexy parts. I know my husband looks at my phone and was fine with that because I wasn't "hiding " anything just didn't share. He explained this as "omitting the truth"... even tho it was all available on my phone. He doesn't tell me he looks at it but I know.
Anyway, last week I decided to stop seeing the same guy. Told my husband everything about it. Every feeling. I was fine. Just done. (Truthfully he seemed interested in a mutual friend and I suggested he go after her and his interest in her totally turned me off and I was done. Easy peasy no hard feelings or sadness or anything. It was fun now it's not. Done). I went out for a drink, called bf on my way to see how his date went. Phone wasn't working so I tried again. Phone was not working. I then deleted the calls. 1st time ever. Then ran into him at the bar. Shared a smoke and hung with the usual bar crew. Went home.

Now my husband says I lie and he can't trust me. I'm not really sure why I deleted the calls. I think it was so my husband didn't think I was harboring feelings but it did the opposite and I understand that completely.
I honestly felt the sexy parts was where his interest in hotwifing lied. Not the bs in between. I truly did everything my husband asked. Go out, tell him about it look sexy, make sure husband knows his place etc. I thought the idea of having a boyfriend was for me and that my "privacy" about it was the turn on in this while thing.
Now it's all fucked and I am feeling like our life is crashing down. Please share some advice on how to make it right again.

 

[Britva415]

Please share some advice on how to make it right again.

Don't compromise on your boundaries again.

If he keeps trying to blame you for what he pushed you into, try crying a lot so he backs the fuck off.

But also be sure to tell him he's the asshole. Not you.

 

[ned63]

After years of my husband asking, I finally started "cheating". It was hard. My confidence relies on my husband of 19 yrs (which I'm sure is wrong). I don't see myself like he does so it was hard getting going. I found a guy I liked. He was nice and funny and full of praise but the sex was "eh" at best but convenient. We started hanging more. I kept the "banter" to myself and shared the sexy parts. I know my husband looks at my phone and was fine with that because I wasn't "hiding " anything just didn't share. He explained this as "omitting the truth"... even tho it was all available on my phone. He doesn't tell me he looks at it but I know.
Anyway, last week I decided to stop seeing the same guy. Told my husband everything about it. Every feeling. I was fine. Just done. (Truthfully he seemed interested in a mutual friend and I suggested he go after her and his interest in her totally turned me off and I was done. Easy peasy no hard feelings or sadness or anything. It was fun now it's not. Done). I went out for a drink, called bf on my way to see how his date went. Phone wasn't working so I tried again. Phone was not working. I then deleted the calls. 1st time ever. Then ran into him at the bar. Shared a smoke and hung with the usual bar crew. Went home.

Now my husband says I lie and he can't trust me. I'm not really sure why I deleted the calls. I think it was so my husband didn't think I was harboring feelings but it did the opposite and I understand that completely.
I honestly felt the sexy parts was where his interest in hotwifing lied. Not the bs in between. I truly did everything my husband asked. Go out, tell him about it look sexy, make sure husband knows his place etc. I thought the idea of having a boyfriend was for me and that my "privacy" about it was the turn on in this while thing.
Now it's all fucked and I am feeling like our life is crashing down. Please share some advice on how to make it right again.

DM me sometime and lets talk about it.

 

[Dcharger]

After years of my husband asking, I finally started "cheating". It was hard. My confidence relies on my husband of 19 yrs (which I'm sure is wrong). I don't see myself like he does so it was hard getting going. I found a guy I liked. He was nice and funny and full of praise but the sex was "eh" at best but convenient. We started hanging more. I kept the "banter" to myself and shared the sexy parts. I know my husband looks at my phone and was fine with that because I wasn't "hiding " anything just didn't share. He explained this as "omitting the truth"... even tho it was all available on my phone. He doesn't tell me he looks at it but I know.
Anyway, last week I decided to stop seeing the same guy. Told my husband everything about it. Every feeling. I was fine. Just done. (Truthfully he seemed interested in a mutual friend and I suggested he go after her and his interest in her totally turned me off and I was done. Easy peasy no hard feelings or sadness or anything. It was fun now it's not. Done). I went out for a drink, called bf on my way to see how his date went. Phone wasn't working so I tried again. Phone was not working. I then deleted the calls. 1st time ever. Then ran into him at the bar. Shared a smoke and hung with the usual bar crew. Went home.

Now my husband says I lie and he can't trust me. I'm not really sure why I deleted the calls. I think it was so my husband didn't think I was harboring feelings but it did the opposite and I understand that completely.
I honestly felt the sexy parts was where his interest in hotwifing lied. Not the bs in between. I truly did everything my husband asked. Go out, tell him about it look sexy, make sure husband knows his place etc. I thought the idea of having a boyfriend was for me and that my "privacy" about it was the turn on in this while thing.
Now it's all fucked and I am feeling like our life is crashing down. Please share some advice on how to make it right again.

Sorry about what's transpired w/ him. That stinks. Don't give up.

 

[SexyAruna]

After years of my husband asking, I finally started "cheating". It was hard. My confidence relies on my husband of 19 yrs (which I'm sure is wrong). I don't see myself like he does so it was hard getting going. I found a guy I liked. He was nice and funny and full of praise but the sex was "eh" at best but convenient. We started hanging more. I kept the "banter" to myself and shared the sexy parts. I know my husband looks at my phone and was fine with that because I wasn't "hiding " anything just didn't share. He explained this as "omitting the truth"... even tho it was all available on my phone. He doesn't tell me he looks at it but I know.
Anyway, last week I decided to stop seeing the same guy. Told my husband everything about it. Every feeling. I was fine. Just done. (Truthfully he seemed interested in a mutual friend and I suggested he go after her and his interest in her totally turned me off and I was done. Easy peasy no hard feelings or sadness or anything. It was fun now it's not. Done). I went out for a drink, called bf on my way to see how his date went. Phone wasn't working so I tried again. Phone was not working. I then deleted the calls. 1st time ever. Then ran into him at the bar. Shared a smoke and hung with the usual bar crew. Went home.

Now my husband says I lie and he can't trust me. I'm not really sure why I deleted the calls. I think it was so my husband didn't think I was harboring feelings but it did the opposite and I understand that completely.
I honestly felt the sexy parts was where his interest in hotwifing lied. Not the bs in between. I truly did everything my husband asked. Go out, tell him about it look sexy, make sure husband knows his place etc. I thought the idea of having a boyfriend was for me and that my "privacy" about it was the turn on in this while thing.
Now it's all fucked and I am feeling like our life is crashing down. Please share some advice on how to make it right again.

I’ve seen this happen many times. The good news is, there’s usually a great way forward where it can be just like it used to be before this whole mess started!

DM me if you want to talk through it.

 

[GoodnessO]

You have to decide if you want this relationship, regardless of what has transpired. If you do, you & he both need to choose to be on the same team.
If he can't see his way to be on your team, then you've become a team of 1. Don't stay with him just because...
Be brave, follow your heart.

 

[ChicagoR85]

This is Complicated ! It can go so many ways, he has a point too and so do you.

May be moving on from here would be better. Take it as a mistake and accept it, give him a good fuck to apologize and let’s move on. It’s a learning experience for the marriage I guess. @Espinner

 

[usse]

Ouch! Sounds familiar, hope it heals.

 

[GoodnessO]

To be clear, I didn't become non-monagomous at my husband's request. I asked my husband to grant me open marriage, because he's no longer interested in sex. Versus I'd still like sex daily, if it was convenient enough for me... such as one might expect feasible being married... or living together, which we did for a number of years before we got legally married. And our legal marriage was for reasons of lower income taxes, & higher Social Security benefits for him, if he outlives me (my benefit is higher).
My husband wants me to be happy, & he knows better than anyone that I'm very sexual. He said he's ok with it. But every so often, I check in with him about it. And I hug & kiss him, & tell him I love him dearly, on a regular basis, at least daily.