Horror Stories of Baby & Housesitting

[lucky-E-leven]

I'm having a particularly grand weekend of house, kid and animal sitting. So far no major nightmares but plenty of weird shit and honestly I'm just not in the mood for it.

The house sitting part is perhaps the easiest (aside from the constant cleaning). It sits on about twenty acres of rolling land and is quite beautiful to look at.

"Then what's the problem?" You ask.

Well in that house live three children (7, 9, 17) and I bring one of my own (2). So four kids and myself makes for quite a bit of running around town, noise, large suppers and constant picking up or reminders of the sort.

"Still not that big of a deal." You say.

True, this is exhausting but not that big of a deal. Until you step out the back door, are bombarded with three large wild dogs, see two cows, a donkey, twenty-five plus goats (four of whom are pregnant...one had two kids the other day), a few chickens and a really annoying llama. Most of these require some kind of feeding or letting into different holding pastures, etc...

"Now it's starting to suck." You say. (did I mention it rained here the last three days and I'm up to my elbows in mud?)

And this is all during the daylight hours. When the sun goes down, the coyotes come out and howl and wail, which starts the dogs going crazy right outside the bedroom I'm sleeping in, waking up my daughter who wakes up two of the other children and leaves us standing in the hall scratchinig our heads in the wee hours of the morning. But I'm not worried, it's already been three days and I've two to go.

"It's okay, Lucky, you can make it. Hang in there." You say.

Well add to all of the above that the seventeen year old hauled ass while I was putting the baby down and spent four hours toilet papering the town. Fuck! I was a kid too, but does he have to pull this shit while his folks are out of town and it's my ass if he gets caught? Little bastard. We talked, he apologized and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the cops don't show up on the front doorstep and haul us both in.

So, I really didn't start this to complain and I somehow managed to wake up this morning with a smile on my face. But it would do this weary soul some good to hear everyone else's babysitting/housesitting horror stories or just plain funnies.

Thanks all,
~lucky

 

[minsue]

My babysitting days as a teenager didn't last long. One evil group of children got me out of the game for good. Three kids: boy, about 9; girl, about 7; another girl, toddler. They tell me the toddler went out back by herself. I went out there & they locked me out of the house. Much yelling ensued & they let me back in. While I was fishing the toddler's barbie out of the toilet, somebody let the dog out of the house. It's running down the street. Children are crying. While I chase it down, the older kids decide now is a good time to ride their bikes a few blocks to the park since I had told them they couldn't. I catch the damned dog and turn around to see them at the end of the street with the toddler running behind them trying to catch up. Much more yelling ensued and, 20-30 minutes later, everyone and the dog are back in the house. At some point, all of the neighborhood kids discovered this is a great house to hang out at tonight. It didn't take me long to give up. I decided fuck em. 8 or 9 boys playing in the garage (I didn't know or care what the hell they were doing), 5-6 girls playing in the living room, I hung out with the damn toddler. I liked her.

Sometime after dark, parents started showing up one by one to collect their evil children. I made about $10 total for the night. Never babysat again.

- Mindy, still scarred for life

 

[oggbashan]

My uncle and aunt asked me to 'baby-sit' their son's 18th birthday party.

Uncle told me "Just make sure he doesn't wreck the house".

Aunt told me "Make sure he uses a condom".

Then they left.

They hadn't told me that they had been preparing for the event for months. Uncle had brewed 40 gallons of home-brew beer, illegally distilled 3 gallons of grain spirit. Aunt had made food for an army.

We didn't finish the beer. Use of the beds had to be timed by the half-hour to ensure everyone got a turn. I spent the whole night patrolling to make sure the house wasn't wrecked. When some of the grain spirit caught fire I thought I'd failed but a foam fire extinguisher saved my bacon.

Did he use a condom? Don't know. The house and garden was strewn with them so somebody was using them.

I stayed sober and drug-free all night. The neighbours had left home as well, warned in advance, so they didn't complain. The people in the street behind complained but I assured the police that I would keep the noise down. I did. I cut the plug off the stereo system at 3am.

The next day I was clearing up the house and the bodies. Stoned and drunk people are difficult to tidy away.

Uncle and Aunt came back the next afternoon. The house was clean and tidy except for a dozen or so drunks in the garden.

I was paid with a gallon of beer and half a gallon of spirits.

I earned it.

Og

 

[minsue]

I earned it.

Og

Damn straight you did! Where were you when I turned 18??

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Damn straight you did! Where were you when I turned 18??

No doubt! These kid's mom would shit a brick if she knew what he'd been up to, let alone set it up and left someone else to oversee it.

Oh well. I'm the cool cousin (more like an aunt) and at least he's honest with me. He's having fun and his mom is really a little tyrranical at times so, assuming I make it through the next two days, I'll think nothing of it.

~lucky

 

[lucky-E-leven]

My babysitting days as a teenager didn't last long. One evil group of children got me out of the game for good. Three kids: boy, about 9; girl, about 7; another girl, toddler. They tell me the toddler went out back by herself. I went out there & they locked me out of the house. Much yelling ensued & they let me back in. While I was fishing the toddler's barbie out of the toilet, somebody let the dog out of the house. It's running down the street. Children are crying. While I chase it down, the older kids decide now is a good time to ride their bikes a few blocks to the park since I had told them they couldn't. I catch the damned dog and turn around to see them at the end of the street with the toddler running behind them trying to catch up. Much more yelling ensued and, 20-30 minutes later, everyone and the dog are back in the house. At some point, all of the neighborhood kids discovered this is a great house to hang out at tonight. It didn't take me long to give up. I decided fuck em. 8 or 9 boys playing in the garage (I didn't know or care what the hell they were doing), 5-6 girls playing in the living room, I hung out with the damn toddler. I liked her.

Sometime after dark, parents started showing up one by one to collect their evil children. I made about $10 total for the night. Never babysat again.

- Mindy, still scarred for life

Thanks Min, I'm feeling a little better. Sounds like you're the one in need of a babysitter. And as long as you don't have any goats on the verge of giving birth then I'm your girl! Ten dollars would be a handsome wage, I think, because out of this 5 day stint all I'll receive is a 'thank you'. And that's o.k.

~lucky

 

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