Horrible metaphors

[Ulaven_Demorte]

Ever stumble across a gem like this?

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."

 

[Wat_Tyler]

Ever stumble across a gem like this?

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."

A simile is a figure of speech that directly compares two things through some connective word,usually being "like", "as", "than", or a verb such as "resembles". A simile differs from a metaphor in that the latter compares two unlike things by saying that the one thing is the other thing.

. . .

 

[Ulaven_Demorte]

. . .

Fine, similes and metaphors.

Why not just open it up to bad analogies too?

Good lord.

 

[Recidiva]

I'm looking some up:

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle
from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

 

[Ulaven_Demorte]

"I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either."

 

[Recidiva]

"I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either."

"It was one of those sunsets that makes you think that you left the stove on, maybe forgot to lock the door"

"The opening of the door was the crack of doom and there wasn't a crack exactly but more of the sound of the hinges that squeaked a little bit"

 

[mamasota]

:d

Ever stumble across a gem like this?

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."

That relationship had to be a train wreck LOL

(is that one?)

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

"I'm an occasional drinker, the kind of guy who goes out for a beer and wakes up in Singapore with a full beard." Raymond Chandler

 

[Recidiva]

That relationship had to be a train wreck LOL

(is that one?)

No, yours was witty. Sorry! You fail!

"Her attempt at writing was one of those things that get tangled like a fishline that just wraps around the reel and messes up the bobber."

 

[Recidiva]

Fear coiled up his spine like a bunch of twist ties that got tangled and would never come untangled without tearing the bag or using pliers.

 

[Recidiva]

"I'm an occasional drinker, the kind of guy who goes out for a beer and wakes up in Singapore with a full beard." Raymond Chandler

No fair using a decent one.

 

[Ulaven_Demorte]

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

 

[Recidiva]

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Hah!

His touch tingled along her spine, as if it was one of those worms that slowly shrivel up in the sun after rain.

 

[Ulaven_Demorte]

The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

 

[Recidiva]

Driving with the windows open, the cool wind of the desert whipped through her hair like little tweezers that have bubble gum on the tips and just want to fuck her hair up.

 

[Balladeer08]

Ever stumble across a gem like this?

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."

More! MORE! BRAVO!!!!

 

[tallchris]

*****

 

[Balladeer08]

If you are a fan of A Prairie Home Companion", the Guy Noir segments usually include some gems.

"She was wearing a dress that was so tight I couldn't breathe."

"She was dancing on a table, wearing a g-string that was so small the laundry tag had to be abbreviated."

 

[Recidiva]

If you are a fan of A Prairie Home Companion", the Guy Noir segments usually include some gems.

"She was wearing a dress that was so tight I couldn't breathe."

"She was dancing on a table, wearing a g-string that was so small the laundry tag had to be abbreviated."

Heh. Yes, those are awesome metaphors.

 

[Adre]

New Yorker magazine used to reprint mixed metaphors under the title Block that Metaphor. They had some dandies, none of which I can remember of course.

 

[Recidiva]

New Yorker magazine used to reprint mixed metaphors under the title Block that Metaphor. They had some dandies, none of which I can remember of course.

Yeah, mixed metaphors are fun.

It was a ship that plotted its course by checking the thermostat and then browsing the internet for a little while to figure out what to do.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

His thoughts tumbled in his head, mating in weird combinations like clothes in a dryer without Cling Free.

 

[Recidiva]

That is definitely a bear, she thought. Then she thought that it looked like a banana that is a little, maybe a couple of days ripe, but not really that ripe, but you should check it to make sure.

 

[Adre]

He felt like he'd rowed hard and then got wet.

 

[mamasota]

No, yours was witty. Sorry! You fail!

"Her attempt at writing was one of those things that get tangled like a fishline that just wraps around the reel and messes up the bobber."

OK, gracias, I'll try again.