Hoping for feedback

Hey,

I loved this story.

I really liked how his 'tongue danced over her clit.' Very good.

I didn't like how you refered to her lady parts as tw*t though, perhaps that's just me though.

Apart from that a great read.

Sarah
 
Nice job!

I like this story.

There are a couple of grammatical errors, things like "Kara licked Glen's head rhythmically and began bob her head up and down." should be "Kara licked Glen's head rhythmically and began TO bob her head up and down." I think there are also a number of places where you could use punctuation help. Maybe think about getting a volunteer editor before you submit another one.

I thought the paragraph with Kara thinking about how she'd never been with another woman was extraneous to the story. Didn't really go anywhere.

Finally, I'm not big on some of the words you use to describe how Kara talks: mewed, crooned. I've never herd a woman do either of those things, and frankly the words don't seem sexy to me. But that's entirely my opinion, which is worth about as much as anybody else's.

Still liked the story, though. Gave it a 4.
 
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