SubbieHubbie
Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2002
- Posts
- 40
On the theory that the only stupid question is the one you fail to ask, will someone explain to me the meaning of "Soft Limit", and why this does not equate to "preference".
As I understand it a hard limit is something you refuse to do/will not accept having done to you - at least at the moment, although none of us can 100% know how we will change in the future with the right stimuli (too many psych experiments have shown people are often capable of things they don't believe themselves to be). This I understand - or think I do, could have my reasoning wrong.
Soft limits, though, seem to be things that you don't particularly want to be a part of. They may push you beyond where you are comfortable in being physically or emotionally, or be a turnoff. Yet I have read many people on the board commenting that this type of 'limit' is pushable and part of the excitement in a bdsm encounter is the pushing of soft limits. How then, is this a 'limit' instead of a preference.
OK, for example - I have never been the recipient of anal play. The one time it was tried, I found myself too nervous to do it, too nervous to relax etc. We stopped for the pain before anything happened. This was a non-ds interaction. Now, if in a ds interaction, I would not want this to be done to me, but would accept it from a dom, no matter if I did find it painful, frightening and uninviting. The fact that I would accept it, even if not wanted, makes me think of this as merely a preference - prefer not to receive anal play. I can't meaningfully see it as a limit (it's not like I'd try to stop it or call the cops for assault). Is this strong preference and fear of it a soft limit, and if so, given I acknowledge I would accept it, however unwillingly, how can it be a limit (I don't limit myself against it). If it is not a soft limit, then what separates this strong preference and fear from a soft limit?
As I understand it a hard limit is something you refuse to do/will not accept having done to you - at least at the moment, although none of us can 100% know how we will change in the future with the right stimuli (too many psych experiments have shown people are often capable of things they don't believe themselves to be). This I understand - or think I do, could have my reasoning wrong.
Soft limits, though, seem to be things that you don't particularly want to be a part of. They may push you beyond where you are comfortable in being physically or emotionally, or be a turnoff. Yet I have read many people on the board commenting that this type of 'limit' is pushable and part of the excitement in a bdsm encounter is the pushing of soft limits. How then, is this a 'limit' instead of a preference.
OK, for example - I have never been the recipient of anal play. The one time it was tried, I found myself too nervous to do it, too nervous to relax etc. We stopped for the pain before anything happened. This was a non-ds interaction. Now, if in a ds interaction, I would not want this to be done to me, but would accept it from a dom, no matter if I did find it painful, frightening and uninviting. The fact that I would accept it, even if not wanted, makes me think of this as merely a preference - prefer not to receive anal play. I can't meaningfully see it as a limit (it's not like I'd try to stop it or call the cops for assault). Is this strong preference and fear of it a soft limit, and if so, given I acknowledge I would accept it, however unwillingly, how can it be a limit (I don't limit myself against it). If it is not a soft limit, then what separates this strong preference and fear from a soft limit?