Hooking up couples

[jessthegirl]

It is common on the college scene for people to 'hook up' which means sex with no strings attached - just recreational, and mostly initiated by girls. My boyfriend and I recently had a hook up with another couple who we didn't know before meeting them at a party - we are all 19 or 20 - and went back to the girls place for a hook up - foursome sex where both boys penetrated both of us girls, and we girls had a bit of bi fun too which the boys wanted us to do. Now my boyfriend wants us to be a 'hook up couple' which is getting popular, where we meet other couples on campus, sometimes randomly, and sometimes go to hook up parties from where we either go off as two couples or sometimes apparently become orgies. I love my boyfriend, and am not prudish at all, but not sure this is safe or wise. Anyone got any ideas? or advice? or experience of this?

 

[KokopelliRises]

Is everyone using protection of some sort? As important as that is in a two-person sex session, it is doubly important in a four-person sex session.

Otherwise, check out your local Craig's List for other people who might want to do what you do. If there aren't any ads up, create one.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Jesse,
It depends on what you want. If you are into recreational sex for the fun of it, as long as you use protection, go for it.

There is another dimension to this, however. Your words: "Now my boyfriend wants us to be a 'hook up couple'..." I'm suspicious of your words. It seems like your boyfriend is interested in fucking as many women on campus as he can without regard for your feelings.

You have to make up your mind - do you want to go along with this or move on. Just because it's popular doesn't mean you won't get hurt, girl. My experience in this kind of thing tells me it ends up bad more often than not.

JJ

 

[SweetErika]

It is common on the college scene for people to 'hook up' which means sex with no strings attached - just recreational, and mostly initiated by girls. My boyfriend and I recently had a hook up with another couple who we didn't know before meeting them at a party - we are all 19 or 20 - and went back to the girls place for a hook up - foursome sex where both boys penetrated both of us girls, and we girls had a bit of bi fun too which the boys wanted us to do. Now my boyfriend wants us to be a 'hook up couple' which is getting popular, where we meet other couples on campus, sometimes randomly, and sometimes go to hook up parties from where we either go off as two couples or sometimes apparently become orgies. I love my boyfriend, and am not prudish at all, but not sure this is safe or wise. Anyone got any ideas? or advice? or experience of this?

You're right, having even safer sex with that many people puts you at a much higher risk of STDs and the fact that you're uncomfortable with it wouldn't bode well for your newer relationship.

What you're considering is swinging, essentially. I'd suggest reading up on it and what it requires. IMO, getting involved with people who are more experienced swingers (as opposed to random people on campus) can be slightly safer because people in the swinging lifestyle can be better about getting tested regularly, using safer sex measures and making sure they've worked out their emotional and relationship issues relating to having sex with multiple people. That does NOT mean you can assume they are safe, healthy or can handle it; it's just that there's a better chance they are/can.

However, if you're uncomfortable with fucking others regularly, you need to tell your bf that. Perhaps you don't mind doing it once in a while? If so, that might be a compromise you make. The bottom line, though, is that you shouldn't do anything you're not completely comfortable with, as that'll likely harm you and your relationship. If your bf isn't willing to come down to your comfort level, perhaps you're not a great match, and it'd be wise to address that.

 

[pteckley]

Go for it

It is common on the college scene for people to 'hook up' which means sex with no strings attached - just recreational, and mostly initiated by girls. My boyfriend and I recently had a hook up with another couple who we didn't know before meeting them at a party - we are all 19 or 20 - and went back to the girls place for a hook up - foursome sex where both boys penetrated both of us girls, and we girls had a bit of bi fun too which the boys wanted us to do. Now my boyfriend wants us to be a 'hook up couple' which is getting popular, where we meet other couples on campus, sometimes randomly, and sometimes go to hook up parties from where we either go off as two couples or sometimes apparently become orgies. I love my boyfriend, and am not prudish at all, but not sure this is safe or wise. Anyone got any ideas? or advice? or experience of this?

Hi Jessica, I like the openess and honesty of your query and I have been thinking about it. Your boyfriend is a lucky guy to have you, and for you to be so open and willing to be adventurous with him. However I understand your hesitations and fears, especially about disease and possibly pregnancy. As a woman 20 years older than you, I would say this: College years are some of the best and most uninhibited times of your life. One day you will be older and may be married, be monogomous, possibly have kids, less time to do things you enjoy, less energy, more responsibility and you may look back and wish you had the carefree days of student life, and if you did, I think you would wish you had been more adventurous. Forgive the directness Jess, but I would advise you while you are young to fuck and be fucked as much as you can, in as many ways as you can, in as many situations as you can, and yes, with a variety of boys (even with girls) in a safe environment. You are lucky to have a bf who wants to do this with you, and I can almost guarantee he enjoyed seeing you being fucked by the boy when you were with the other couple, and may have enjoyed you seeing him fuck the other girl too. Did you enjoy him watching you?? Be honest! Be glad he is not wanting to run off and do this without you knowing. Sex is a great part of life, and one day it will have restrictions on it (probably) so why not enjoy the freedom to do what you want, especially with your bf. At 20 your boyfriend will be highly sexed so go with this fact of life, not against it. I have a son of 19 and a daughter of 18 and we are very open about all of this. When they have had a new gf or bf I get the bed in our spare room made up and invite them to bring him or her home for the weekend and enjoy sex with each other in a safe supportive environment, rather than sneaking off where nobody knows and probably feeling guilty and deceptive. We have a swimming pool behind our house and I came home to find my daughter skinny dippping with her bf, but they were fine about it, and later made love on the side of the pool, knowing I was in the house and could see if I wanted (I did watch them for a while, and congratulated them on their lack of inhibition). I am sorry if all of this seems very direct and 'in your face' but you asked the question, and bearing in mind you need to be very careful about disease and pregnancy, I would say GO FOR IT. I am sure you and your bf are fucking each other a lot anyway, but get out there and be adventursome too in the ways you want to, as a kind of 'extra spice' and get it out of your system before you are old and regret not doing so. Initiate the contacts, then you can chose which couples you want to join with, and no doubt you can pick out a few hotties you would like to get with, and he can pick out a few chics and just follow your instincts. Let us know how you get on Jess, and happy horny fucking to you both!!!! (sorry for the bluntness)

 

[SweetErika]

<snipped for length and reading ease>
Your boyfriend is a lucky guy to have you, and for you to be so open and willing to be adventurous with him. However I understand your hesitations and fears, especially about disease and possibly pregnancy.

If you understand the fear of STDs and pregnancy, what do you suggest to guard against them? Is it really wise to have sex with as many random people as possible, especially given that condoms fail, so many don't use condoms and dental dams for oral sex, and aren't so careful about making sure no fluids come in contact with cuts and mucous membranes? Is it smart for one to do something they have valid concerns about - to just ignore their discomfort and do it anyway?

As a woman 20 years older than you, I would say this: College years are some of the best and most uninhibited times of your life. One day you will be older and may be married, be monogomous, possibly have kids, less time to do things you enjoy, less energy, more responsibility and you may look back and wish you had the carefree days of student life, and if you did, I think you would wish you had been more adventurous. Forgive the directness Jess, but I would advise you while you are young to fuck and be fucked as much as you can, in as many ways as you can, in as many situations as you can, and yes, with as many boys as you can (even with girls) in a safe environment.

I am sure you and your bf are fucking a lot anyway, but get out there and be adventursome too in the ways you want to, as a kind of 'extra spice' and get it out of your system before you are old and regret not doing so.

My apologies if I'm wrong, but it sounds like this advice may be based on YOUR regrets about having a family too soon and not being as adventurous as you'd like.

It's not like being adventurous ends at a certain age, with marriage, kids, a home, career, etc. Many people are happily married/partnered and have all of those things, yet still ensure they have fantastic, fulfilling sex lives. Most swingers and polyamorists get started in their 30s and 40s when they do have tons of responsibilities.

If responsible nonmonogamy and a wonderful sex life are important to a person, they simply need to find a partner with the same values and make time to fulfill their needs.

So, I just can't buy the "get it out of your system while you have a chance" line. The reality for most of us here is that sexuality is a big, ongoing part of our lives, rather than something we do to spice up a tired sexual relationship. Many of us have, and will continue to have, incredible sex lives because that's very high on our lists of priorities and an integral part of our relationships. Being adventurous is something we just are, and keeping sex hot is what we'll always strive for, rather than things we have to try to get out of systems.

And hopefully Jess will realize that she can be adventurous now and in 20, 30, 40+ years from now if she wants to and chooses her partners well. The fact that she's recognizing her discomfort and thinking logically about safety and such is an incredibly good thing. I'm having trouble seeing a reason why she can't choose her other partners wisely, use safer sex and birth control measures, and have the best of both worlds (excitement and comfort) for the rest of her life.

 

[robincr]

deleted

 

[prototypepariah]

FWIW, I Robin's point while not being the safest advice is certainly not terrible. He's speaking from a position that I think a LOT of people feel, perhaps especially in this subject.

There is this certain stigma that comes with STD's, there viruses/germs just like colds, malaria, the flu, it happens it sucks it's life. Trying to avoid them is a VERY good thing but not leaving the house for fear of catching something is just as bad. I know that doesn't quite sounds as logical or P.C. as some would say but being paniced about things while losing out the most pleasureable thing humans can do is foolish.

 

[SweetErika]

FWIW, I Robin's point while not being the safest advice is certainly not terrible. He's speaking from a position that I think a LOT of people feel, perhaps especially in this subject.

There is this certain stigma that comes with STD's, there viruses/germs just like colds, malaria, the flu, it happens it sucks it's life. Trying to avoid them is a VERY good thing but not leaving the house for fear of catching something is just as bad. I know that doesn't quite sounds as logical or P.C. as some would say but being paniced about things while losing out the most pleasureable thing humans can do is foolish.

I'm certainly not suggesting anyone shouldn't leave the house or have sex for fear of contracting diseases/infections. All I'm saying is being more discriminating than having sexual contact with a ton of random people is very wise if one isn't excited about gettting diseases like HIV, HPV and HSV.

I've had, and will no doubt continue to have, multiple partners; however, I'm careful about who I'm sexual with and take measure like getting to know them, discussing our histories, views, health status and deciding on what measures we need to take to protect ourselves (including what would happen in the event of a pregnancy). In other words, I'm active, but take steps to minimize my risk, which maximizes my comfort level.

And that type of compromise is what I'd suggest for Jess if she's looking for a middle ground. Otherwise, I'd advise her to do whatever is smart and she's comfortable with.

 

[pteckley]

Cautious but adventuresome

Sweet Erica talks some sense when she rebukes my earlier comments above, and is wisely cautious. but as Robin also says, mid life crisis is usually about regrets. and lots of people live with regrets, many of them about sex. Most of us do settle down into a monogamous routine, but young student years are years of experimenting, doing things that you won't do for life, and even things that are a bit crazy. Do you play totally safe, which is tantamount to being celbate until you find who you marry, or being with one known trusted partner (usually marriage)? Jess and her boyfriend are in a liberated environment at college, they are both sexual and adventurous, they have already jointly fucked with others at least once, and we all know her bf will notice other pretty girls around the place, and you can be sure she will notice the hott boys, whether attached or single, and both will fantasise about sex with them just for the sheer fun of it. If a sexual encounter starts with a ten page questionaire, 1) it will take the spontenaity out of it, and 2) if the guy or girl want them they are not likely to say, "sorry I have an STD so apologise I cannot do anything with you'. They will convince themselves that a condom or other protection will be sufficient and will want to have sex with them. As Jess is writing about hooking up with other couples, it is likely that if the couples are available for this kind of sex play they know themselves to be safe and therefore is a safer bet than picking up one on one at random, which is not what she is asking about. I think Jess should take all the reasonable caution she should, but enjoy the multiplicity of sexual adventure with as many people as she and her bf is comfortable with. Maybe one day,when she is domesticated, tired, married, with kids and a job she may at least be able to lie down, close her eyes and remember the college days with her boyfriend, the sex parties, the swapping, the orgasms, the viewing of others doing the same, the hot horny studs she fucked with her bf watching, the pretty girls she saw penetrated by him with her encouragement, and she might live off those memories for years, rather than pining for something new that she never had, maybe cheating on her husband and breaking up her family in the process. It is good to sow wild oats while you are young. I think my own kids will grow up to be responsible adults, good partners, great parents, and will have their memories too of responsible sexual fun while young, and that is how I have brought them up.

But keep talking.

 

[robincr]

deleted

 

[BedtimeStories77]

Swinging is not a new concept, nor did it originate on college campuses. There are many resources out there to help couples interested in this lifestyle, as well as advice and resources on safer sex practices in general.

Try running a search on the net with Google (or your search engine of choice) as well as here at Lit.

 

[FurryFury]

It is common on the college scene for people to 'hook up' which means sex with no strings attached - just recreational, and mostly initiated by girls. My boyfriend and I recently had a hook up with another couple who we didn't know before meeting them at a party - we are all 19 or 20 - and went back to the girls place for a hook up - foursome sex where both boys penetrated both of us girls, and we girls had a bit of bi fun too which the boys wanted us to do.

Now my boyfriend wants us to be a 'hook up couple' which is getting popular, where we meet other couples on campus, sometimes randomly, and sometimes go to hook up parties from where we either go off as two couples or sometimes apparently become orgies. I love my boyfriend, and am not prudish at all, but not sure this is safe or wise. Anyone got any ideas? or advice? or experience of this?

Only you can decide if you even really want to do this. It could cost you, your bf too if you decide you do not. But it's not that great a cost if he is pushing you to do things you do not want to do.

There are ways to make it safer but again that is up to you and the other people involved.

OTOH, if you are really into it and use safety precautions then just enjoy hoping for the best. One isn't completely safe no matter what they do in this world.

I wish you well.

Fury

 

[Evil Kirk]

I agree with what's been said here. Of course it's not safe. Of course it's not wise. Between 18 and 25 you are becoming who you will be. Why settle for something so small as a "hook up person"?