Honorific titles

[missy_me]

I have a really hard time using any kinds of honorific titles of J. I refer to him by his first name and I don't capitalize the pronouns I use referring to him in my writing. And also, as English is not my native language, I could use the formal you (usted in Spanish, Sie in German, vous in French), but somehow in this context I find it more amusing than actually honorific.

I've told a few people about this and for some reason they have all said that it just shows a lack of submission and respect from my part that I don't feel the need of using them. I've talked about this with J, and his opinion is that I can call him Sir, Master or whatever and use the formal way of addressing if I feel it's right, but he doesn't really care. It's the other people judging our relationship who seem to make a very big deal of how I speak to J. As long as my behavior is respectful, along with how I speak in general, he has no need to hear me using the titles.

I've been wondering if the titles are gonna come naturally or if I'll call J by his first name from now to eternity. I'm sure there are people who have been in the same situation. So, any thoughts anyone? How big a deal are the titles anyways?

 

[serijules]

Anyone who is that quick to make a judgement about your submission based on something that simple hasn't got the faintest clue. Ignore them.

I rarely call Ma'am by name because it doesn't feel right to me, and she requires I address her respectfully. Thus, Ma'am it is, and it feels right to me because I have to work hard to remember to do so, thus it helps me keep in touch with my place on a constant basis. I do not address ANY others as Ma'am or Sir or whatnot though unless Ma'am orders me to, which she never has. It's my way of showing respect and feels natural to me after years of belonging to her. At first, I struggled hard with it. Now it just flows.

If it doesn't matter to him, then do what feels right to you. It's the tone and attitude with which you address someone that shows your respect anyhow, not necessarily the words you use.

 

[CutieMouse]

Titles are as big of a deal as the two of you want them to be. I think I used Sir once or twice with Jeffrey (when I was being semi-lectured and felt bad)... I don't "do" Master/etc, and wouldn't probably be attracted to someone for whom that was important. I did make a point to ask if he prefers Jeff or Jeffrey, and use the latter because it's what he likes; otherwise he's Sweetheart or Dear (occasionally Asshole LOL), and anyone who doesn't think it's "submissive enough" of me can take it up with him.

 

[HottieMama]

i think the titles are only as big of a deal as you and your Dom make them. LC has never demanded that i call him any sort of title. Because of that, they have been allowed to come naturally and it is very comfortable for me to call him Master or Daddy when speaking to him. (Here on Lit i refer to him by the initials of his screen name. It's just easier for me.)

i know that he doesn't mind if i use his real first name, but FOR ME that just doesn't feel right. He rarely uses my first name and refers to me by one of two "pet names" for me based on our relationship and i just naturally think of him as Master/Daddy....not XXXXX. (It's funny because even when talking to others i call him LC, and not his birth name...just more comfortable for me.)

 

[HottieMama]

otherwise he's Sweetheart or Dear (occasionally Asshole LOL)

Now this goes to show the differences in people in general. LC doesn't like "cutesy" terms of endearment, like honey, sweetheart, etc... i said one once or twice, and was promptly told, "No."

On the other hand, he has called me "sweetie" several times...and i love it.

 

[myinnerslut]

A hates titles, so while i was happy and comfortable calling him Sir, i now only refer to him as his first name or baby. i still slip into Sir when im very tired , feeling chastised, or very turned on, nd A has given up on tryig to correct that since nothing he does seems to break me of the habbit (its completly subconscious and i usually correct myself as soon as ive made the mistake)

anyone who tells your that your not submissive becuase you dont call your PYL sir or Master or Your Royal Whateverness has a stick up thier ass. its pobably the same people who insist that everyone types with You, me, and U/us

 

[HottieMama]

insist that everyone types with You, me, and U/us

Don't forget A/all and E/everyone.

 

[myinnerslut]

Don't forget A/all and E/everyone.

*shudder*


disclaimer, if you feel like you want to talk and type that way then go ahead but dont be surprised if not everyone agrees with you and do NOT insult me by telling me im not submissive becuase i hate the caps/no caps thing

 

[WriterDom]

To each his own. I was Master to j. And I'll use Sir when training a new sub. Especially if she has no experience.

 

[Chicklet]

I don't "do" Master/etc, and wouldn't probably be attracted to someone for whom that was important.

ditto that statement.

I've called people "sir" before, but frankly I use 'sir' and 'ma'am' with a lot of people randomly, sort of as a half-joke, so it's hard to switch to thinking it's serious.

i also don't want to hear myself referred to as a slave, a 'subby', or any of that. 'girlfriend' will do, thanks.

 

[Netzach]

I play with them, but without much seriousness.

Honestly when someone calls me "Mistress" I immediately feel like I'm being paid again. Blah.

 

[HB1965]

I think you need to call him whatever you feel is right and anyone else be damned. The relationship you have with him is between the two of you and not any one else. How much you submit and the level of submission is your business.

 

[subkitty72]

There's something about Sir that's immensely gratifying to me. I've no call to use it except randomly, but it does appeal to me. That may be because I was such a rebellious teenager who'd sooner say fuck you than Sir.

And I do like Daddy.

But i also like silly, sweet names (mainly 'cause i liked them used on me). I like names like sugar-bear or papa or rey or lindo...just fun names.

I suppose some Doms would find silly names disrespectful. What do y'all think?

 

[ecstaticsub]

The only time I use my Dom's real first name is almost like a safeword. When either of us use it then it means we have stepped out of the D/s dynamic and are discussing things more on a equal relationship footing. It is needed very rarely, but it is effective.

Otherwise I call him Daddy. Sir and Master just seem too formal to me.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Well most of the time it is Sir... but occassionally when we are not in a scene I say Babe or hunny.. but most of the time it is Sir...

 

[Yang4yin]

But i also like silly, sweet names (mainly 'cause i liked them used on me). I like names like sugar-bear or papa or rey or lindo...just fun names.

I suppose some Doms would find silly names disrespectful. What do y'all think?

I think it's fine to have "pet names" for each other. As long as the name has special meaning and isn't derogatory, and your other half has no objection to it -- go ahead.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

There's something about Sir that's immensely gratifying to me. I've no call to use it except randomly, but it does appeal to me. That may be because I was such a rebellious teenager who'd sooner say fuck you than Sir.

And I do like Daddy.

But i also like silly, sweet names (mainly 'cause i liked them used on me). I like names like sugar-bear or papa or rey or lindo...just fun names.

I suppose some Doms would find silly names disrespectful. What do y'all think?

Don't forget Papi.

 

[Homburg]

I'm bothered by anyone that would insist that anyone else handles their relationship issues in a prescribed manner. My gals call me "Sir" or "Master" because they want to. Most of the time it is just honey, sugar, or what have you.

People are too serious IMO, and WAY too serious about how other do what they do. It's bad enough that we get judged by all the vanilla types out there, so why do we sit around and judge each other? Do you keep it safe, sane, and consensual? Well, good on ya, and that's all I should say.

 

[BiBunny]

A hates titles, so while i was happy and comfortable calling him Sir, i now only refer to him as his first name or baby. i still slip into Sir when im very tired , feeling chastised, or very turned on, nd A has given up on tryig to correct that since nothing he does seems to break me of the habbit (its completly subconscious and i usually correct myself as soon as ive made the mistake)

anyone who tells your that your not submissive becuase you dont call your PYL sir or Master or Your Royal Whateverness has a stick up thier ass. its pobably the same people who insist that everyone types with You, me, and U/us

See? I really am being submissive when I refer to B. as His Royal Chunkiness! mis says so!

No, seriously, titles are just what you make of them. Back when I felt like I had to be the uber-slave for B., I always called him Master. Now I call him his first name, dear, sweetie, Sir or Master on occasion (Sir is more rare than Master), dumbass, smartass, jackass, whore, slut, etc. In writing, I have a whole 'nother list of names for him in addition to those I mentioned: my favorite little fat white boy, His Royal Chunkiness, my Owner, etc. To him, sometimes I'm Randi, sometimes I'm "pet," sometimes I'm "little girl," sometimes I'm "slut," "whore," or "bitch," and on rare occasion, I'm still "slave." He has his own list of insults for me, too.

As a Domme, I despise being called Ma'am (makes me feel old) or Mistress (just feels stupid). I most like just being called Randi, but if someone feels the need to get into honorifics, I can deal with Miss.

 

[nh23]

I call him Master or Dom at times, but mostly just use his first name. If your Dom doesn't mind what you call him, then I wouldn't worry about it. If you two are happy they fuck everyone else.

 

[His_pita]

I've been wondering if the titles are gonna come naturally or if I'll call J by his first name from now to eternity. I'm sure there are people who have been in the same situation. So, any thoughts anyone? How big a deal are the titles anyways?

I do find it amazing that people will tell you what is submissive and what isn't.

Like everyone else has said, titles are only important to you and yours. I started calling my Joe "Sir" when we were online. It became a habit and stuck. I then started calling him "Daddy" and that became even more of a habit. I never call him Joe to his face because it would be really bizarre since I never do it. As far as Master, I only say that when we are in bed and he has put me in that REALLY happy space.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I've told a few people about this and for some reason they have all said that it just shows a lack of submission and respect from my part that I don't feel the need of using them. I've talked about this with J, and his opinion is that I can call him Sir, Master or whatever and use the formal way of addressing if I feel it's right, but he doesn't really care. It's the other people judging our relationship who seem to make a very big deal of how I speak to J. As long as my behavior is respectful, along with how I speak in general, he has no need to hear me using the titles.

Your answer is in the bolded text above. As long as your Dom has no problem with how you address him then quit worrying about what other people think. The ONLY person you have to worry about pleasing is HIM, everyone else can go to hell.

Oh yeah, that's just my opinion, take it or leave it.

 

[Homburg]

As far as Master, I only say that when we are in bed and he has put me in that REALLY happy space.

That is really the only time that I am completely comfortable with my gals calling me Master. The rest of the time it seems overly formal.

Seems to be a lot of people here whose Doms don't go in much for titles.

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

To each his own. I was Master to j. And I'll use Sir when training a new sub. Especially if she has no experience.

My Dom likes when I call him "Sire" or "my Lord" and I started calling him that on my own. I don't feel comfortable calling him by his given name or his screen name.

 

[TheBlackDahlia]

I myself would prefer Ma'am, Madame or my Lady.

He, on the other hand, would be called slave, pet, maybe even bitch if I'm feeling really nasty.