Honey, Cinnamon and Lemons.

[Cirnhoj]

I'd love to receive feedback about my second novel which I am releasing in installments. First part is chapters 1 to 8. I don't know how to show a link, but the title is Honey, Cinnamon and Lemons and it's in non-erotic. It's a sequel to my first, which was called Whoremaster (56), which was highly erotic.

 

[Uggg]

I'd love to receive feedback about my second novel which I am releasing in installments. First part is chapters 1 to 8. I don't know how to show a link, but the title is Honey, Cinnamon and Lemons and it's in non-erotic. It's a sequel to my first, which was called Whoremaster (56), which was highly erotic.

Hi Cirnhoj,

to show a link go into your CP and in the options sub menu you can turn on advanced formatting with a tick box down near the bottom of a big list of other options. Once you've done that you will get all kinds of useful tools for posting including an easy one button hyperlink function.

Then you can post a link to your story here.

Uggg

 

[hadruprider]

Link:

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=2742087&page=submissions

Well. This is real quality writing. It's like a real novel. I'm tempted to say your talents are wasted here. It makes me think of Ian McEwan! There's a sense of intrigue, of mystery, of history, that makes you want to read on.

A few tiny things.

There were a few points in the long dialogue in ch 1 where I got confused about who was speaking. The occasional 'he asked' or 'she replied' might help.

You are naturally better at writing the grandad than the girl. If you could bring yourself to insert the occasional 'like' or 'cool', it might be a bit more convincing and would also help with the preceding issue.

The email address xxxx thing was a bit confusing and distracting.

There is a bit where the text suddenly goes blue!

Some of the later chapters would be better if the chapter titles didn't tell the reader what happens!

 

[Cirnhoj]

Thanks for the feedback. It's very interesting to get a fresh take. Blue text happened I think because I inserted a footnote and it affected the formatting. I am constantly re-reading and editing from start to end; I'll look out for your points about dialogue and amend where I think I should. I'm considering re-posting my first story (Whoremaster (56))which tells how Tim and Polly first met in a chatroom; it's very explicit, but it should be interesting to let people see what led up to the latest. Once I'd finished it I couldn't let Tim and Polly to lead separate lives, so I decided to write about them meeting two years later.
I'm surprised that you weren't even more critical; I'm not happy with quite a bit of the writing and characterisation, but I shall keep on working at it.
Thanks again.
PS, the e-mail addresses are written out in full in my script, but Lit wasn't happy, even though they are fictional. I think the X's look awful.

 

[Cirnhoj]

Ian McEwen, eh? I'd better read some of his stuff! I know the name, but haven't read him. The chapter headings are very old-fashioned, I know, but I just put them in to help me navigate when I am proof-reading. The long dialogues are influenced by Marcel Pagnol, who was able to convey huge amounts of plot and emotion by dialogue alone: but a novel is different, I know.
Thanks very much for the intelligent feedback. Any more comments are welcome.