homosexuality - an abomination

Gord

a long way up
Joined
Apr 17, 2002
Posts
5,755
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with any woman while she is in her period of menstrual cleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but have received mostly unhelpful and many unsavoury responses.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify this for me? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or can I arrange for this task to be completed by an associate?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree as I have seen some very unattractive fish in my time. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Will God know if I wear contacts? Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? I'm looking for a bit of variety on the whole 'smiting' thing.

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

Jim
 
That is quite possibly the best bit of satire I've read in the last 15 minutes!

Nice one, mate!
;)
 
very good isnt it

sort of answers right back at these people who insist on quoting the fucking bible at you all the time

I like the bit about owning canadians !! - which I am sure is not really that bad an idea :D
 
Shame he missed out that bit in Exodus(?) after the ten commandments which goes something like this:

"Thou shall build an earthen alter and offer up your livestock unto me."

And I thought animal sacrifice was the realm of satanists :D

I am soooo tempted to walk in to St Paul's with a bag of earth, a chicken and a knife.

:)
 
Heheh that is pretty good but also very old. The West Wing writers used it as the basis for a monolgue the president gave on the show to a fictious Dr. something or other radio personality that even looked a bit like a young Dr. Laura.
 
Azwed said:
Heheh that is pretty good but also very old. The West Wing writers used it as the basis for a monolgue the president gave on the show to a fictious Dr. something or other radio personality that even looked a bit like a young Dr. Laura.

I thought it might have done the rounds before -

no such thing as original thought on the Internet
 
Gord said:
I thought it might have done the rounds before -

no such thing as original thought on the Internet

Nope. If you have never seen this particular episode of the west wing you really should. The speech is great and I can just see the real Dr. Laura turning all red and going into ultra bitch mode.

Then I would just mention how much I enjoyed her naked pictures on the internet. :D
 
Coolville said:
That is quite possibly the best bit of satire I've read in the last 15 minutes!

Nice one, mate!
;)

I couldn't agree more.

I'm so hot now I could just fuck Glam or Gord since I know it's not a sin. It isn't, is it ?

On second thought, I really don't wanna know the answer.
I'm way too straight to handle that....

<turns and hides in a gloryhole>

:D
 
It may be old, but it's the first view for me. Thanks! LOL

I'm going to Hell for faulty crop rotation!

Even the Presbyterians aren't that strict...
 
SINthysist said:
It may be old, but it's the first view for me. Thanks! LOL

I'm going to Hell for faulty crop rotation!

Even the Presbyterians aren't that strict...


CROP ROTATION !!

YOU BASTARD
 
Gord, that was splendid, thank you. Now my client KNOWS I'm deranged from all this giggling I'm doing...


Mad_Jack_Rabbit said:
Shame he missed out that bit in Exodus(?) after the ten commandments which goes something like this:

"Thou shall build an earthen alter and offer up your livestock unto me."

And I thought animal sacrifice was the realm of satanists :D

I am soooo tempted to walk in to St Paul's with a bag of earth, a chicken and a knife.

:)

Mate, if you do that PLEASE make sure it's a day I'm working in the City and PLEASE give me a call first so as I can come and watch! :D
 
woodgie2 said:
Gord, that was splendid, thank you. Now my client KNOWS I'm deranged from all this giggling I'm doing...

And I do know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Last this happened I had some funny faces staring at me while I was listening to my freelancers review meeting... :D :D
 
Rex1960 said:
And I do know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Last this happened I had some funny faces staring at me while I was listening to my freelancers review meeting... :D :D

I have read the odd thread while on the phone too. That's always fun, especially on those really LONG, BORING calls. :D

Now, back to the thread...
 
I keep on saying you will never guesse what such and such has said now - realising that no-one has a clue who such and such is







Ok I'll get my coat
 
Coolville said:
Shame that only a handful of us know where that phrase means, where it comes from and why it's funny.
:)

I know - I have tried explaining it , but it just looses a lot in translation

One of these - you had to be there - phrases

fuck the snow is coming down now in the South East - looks like Siberia out there
 
Coolville said:
Shame that only a handful of us know where that phrase means, where it comes from and why it's funny.
:)

reminds me of old movies where the Resistance ask the brits obscure questions to make sure they were brits and not just spies


Like are you a gooner, blade , or a hammer ?

doesnt make sense unless you know
 
Gord said:
reminds me of old movies where the Resistance ask the brits obscure questions to make sure they were brits and not just spies


Like are you a gooner, blade , or a hammer ?

doesnt make sense unless you know
Gooner and proud.

Was that a real Resistance question, or did you just make it up as an example? The gooner, blade, hammer thing...
 
Coolville said:
Gooner and proud.

Was that a real Resistance question, or did you just make it up as an example? The gooner, blade, hammer thing...

not sure if it was these three exactly , but it was about footie

it was tongue in cheek as the obvious German was going yes we love our Tottenham Hotspurs - and as every one knows no-one loves Spurs !!
 
Back
Top