Historically...

[Jenny_Jackson]

Kids leave out cookies (Chocolate Chip? Macaroons? Peanutbutter? Which?) and Milk (Whole? 2%?, Skim? Goats? What?) for Santa on Xmas eve.

This is all too many decisions. I'm going to leave him Whiskey and Pot. Makes more sence to me anyway.

 

[3113]

I'm going to leave him Whiskey and Pot. Makes more sence to me anyway.

But that's what he has all the time. That's why he needs the milk and cookies--milk to sooth his whiskey stomach and cookies to take care of the munchies.

 

[AngeloMichael]

But that's what he has all the time. That's why he needs the milk and cookies--milk to sooth his whiskey stomach and cookies to take care of the munchies.

Exactly.

And I think traditionally it's most common to leave sugar cookies and whole milk, but Santa isn't picky, any combination thereof would be fine with him as long as the milk isn't soy.

Like Lewis Black says, soy milk isn't even milk it's soy juice, but if they called it that, no one would buy that disgusting shit.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

But that's what he has all the time. That's why he needs the milk and cookies--milk to sooth his whiskey stomach and cookies to take care of the munchies.

3, are you saying the "Jolly Old Elf" is really the "Drunken Old Doper-Dude"? Why didn't someone tell me?

 

[ltnsfr007]

LOL, maybe you should just wait for Santa underneath the tree

http://i121.photobucket.com/albums/o232/ltnsfr/SheSanta.jpg

 

[AngeloMichael]

3, are you saying the "Jolly Old Elf" is really the "Drunken Old Doper-Dude"? Why didn't someone tell me?

Think about it. Long hair, always has a pipe, hangs out in a commune, where all they do is make toys not for a profit but just to give away.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Kids leave out cookies (Chocolate Chip? Macaroons? Peanutbutter? Which?) and Milk (Whole? 2%?, Skim? Goats? What?) for Santa on Xmas eve.

This is all too many decisions. I'm going to leave him Whiskey and Pot. Makes more sence to me anyway.

Rudolph likes something to snort.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Kids leave out cookies (Chocolate Chip? Macaroons? Peanutbutter? Which?) and Milk (Whole? 2%?, Skim? Goats? What?) for Santa on Xmas eve.

This is all too many decisions. I'm going to leave him Whiskey and Pot. Makes more sence to me anyway.

Doh! Don't forget Rudolph likes to snort a lil' summink. Can you lay a couple of lines down on the porch?

 

[English Lady]

Brandy and a Mince pie is traditional over here and a carrot for rudolf.

Santa won't get alcohol here though, my daughter won't allow it

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

EL, I would have thought the carrot would be for Santa too. Or doesn't he swing towards "back door" in England?

 

[oggbashan]

In our house Santa gets a single malt whisky and a mince pie.

Og

 

[English Lady]

EL, I would have thought the carrot would be for Santa too. Or doesn't he swing towards "back door" in England?

behave, Jenny.

It's the reindeer who most need to see in the dark

 

[3113]

3, are you saying the "Jolly Old Elf" is really the "Drunken Old Doper-Dude"? Why didn't someone tell me?

We weren't sure you could handle the truth. Some can't after all. Others realize it right away, like sharp-eyed Angelo:

Think about it. Long hair, always has a pipe, hangs out in a commune, where all they do is make toys not for a profit but just to give away.

Spot on, Angelo! You have realized what we Californians have always known, but had to keep quiet about...that Santa is really....

http://www.musicboxetc.com/3544santa.jpg

Yeah. That's right. The lead guitarist for "The Grateful Elves."

 

[elfin_odalisque]

We weren't sure you could handle the truth. Some can't after all. Others realize it right away, like sharp-eyed Angelo:


Spot on, Angelo! You have realized what we Californians have always known, but had to keep quiet about...that Santa is really....

http://www.musicboxetc.com/3544santa.jpg

Yeah. That's right. The lead guitarist for "The Grateful Elves."

Then Jenny's right about the carrot then! Sorry Rudolph, just a toke for you this year.

 

[Quiet_Cool]

Kids leave out cookies (Chocolate Chip? Macaroons? Peanutbutter? Which?) and Milk (Whole? 2%?, Skim? Goats? What?) for Santa on Xmas eve.

This is all too many decisions. I'm going to leave him Whiskey and Pot. Makes more sence to me anyway.

Dear Children,

Santa's very sorry for the inconvenience, but after pounding a shot, smoking a doobie, and doing a few lines of white (snow, yeah, white snow... That's it) with Rudolph, Santa was in a terrible accident. Rudolph, suffering his worst in-flight nose-bleed to date, got light-headed, veered through some pine trees, and out into traffic, and struck a semi travelling West on Route 66. No one was badly injured, save for Donner, who suffered a severe head injury and passed away on his way to the veterinarian's office (suspiciously, beneath his collar was a small slip of paper stating "Goodbye Cruel Elves," implying his injuries might have been more than accident). Santa, however, spent the night in the County jail, barely made bail, and given the fatality involved, looks to spend the next 5-10 years in a Federal Penitentiary for DUI involving a fatality, no doubt sharing a cell with a large man who calls himself Tiny and plans on helping Santa make his rear cheeks as rosy as those aside his round button nose.

Christmas will be suspended until then.

Merry Christmas,

Patch the Elder
President of the Elf Council.

Q_C

 

[Chantilyvamp]

at Q_C!

That was funny.

And in our house, santa will be left either a jack daniels or a Baileys with ice on demand and a couple of brownies. The ice of course will be provided by mrs. claus in a 4 inch heels and stripy thigh highs.

Rudolph is being shafted as kid says hes getting celery. *snickers*

 

[Quiet_Cool]

at Q_C!

That was funny.

And in our house, santa will be left either a jack daniels or a Baileys with ice on demand and a couple of brownies. The ice of course will be provided by mrs. claus in a 4 inch heels and stripy thigh highs.

Rudolph is being shafted as kid says hes getting celery. *snickers*

Rudolph? Shafted?

Beastiality is not within the confines of Lit, Chantily...

For shame!!!!

Q_C

 

[Chantilyvamp]

Rudolph? Shafted?

Beastiality is not within the confines of Lit, Chantily...

For shame!!!!

Q_C

lmao, okay bad choice of words I will act all ashamed now

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Rudolph? Shafted?

Beastiality is not within the confines of Lit, Chantily...

For shame!!!!

Q_C

As long as it's fantasy, that's OK.

(A talking reindeer with a cherry nose - QC, keep taking the tablets.)

 

[MagicaPractica]

Kids leave out cookies (Chocolate Chip? Macaroons? Peanutbutter? Which?) and Milk (Whole? 2%?, Skim? Goats? What?) for Santa on Xmas eve.

This is all too many decisions. I'm going to leave him Whiskey and Pot. Makes more sence to me anyway.

No wonder he never makes it to my house with the presents! (Could you at least wrap them so he can open them later, after he's done?)

 

[starrkers]

Damn I'm glad I'm on the early section of his run!

 

[3113]

Santa, however, spent the night in the County jail, barely made bail, and given the fatality involved, looks to spend the next 5-10 years in a Federal Penitentiary for DUI involving a fatality, no doubt sharing a cell with a large man who calls himself Tiny and plans on helping Santa make his rear cheeks as rosy as those aside his round button nose.

This just in:

Due to overcrowding in the jails, Santa's celebrity status, not to mention a powerhouse legal defense team doing pro bono work on his behalf (word is that he promised to get a certain much desired and hard to find video game to the kids of said lawyers in exchange for some plea bargaining), the Judge has sentenced Mr. Claus to only a year of house arrest and 100 hours of community service. Mr. Claus' license is suspended, of course, so someone else will have to be at the reins Christmas Eve (likely Mrs. Claus). Santa will be allowed to travel up and down the chimneys delivering toys so long as he makes it back to his North Pole home within the requisite 24 hours.

Rudolf has been remanded to rehab for at least a month.

We are relieved and delighted that Christmas will be happening after all, abet under court supervision.

Patch the Elder
President of the Elf Council

 

[3113]

P.S. We ask that you lock your liquor cabinets and do not put out anything other than plain sugar cookies and milk for Mr. Claus. Most especially, do not make those special brownies he likes so very much. The Claus-Dude is in recovery.

Thank you for your cooperation.