Hi Dr. Laurel, thanks for taking my post

[Guest]

First let me say what a pleasure it is to write to you. My dilemma is that my wife is on a new medication that has very bad side effects. After work I came home and asked her how her day was. She said that in the morning she was feeling Dopey and Sleepy but in the afternoon she was only feeling Sleepy. I told her I didn't think she should be fondling any of the 7 dwarves. Her response was that she could feel any damn dwarf she wants. What should I do? Doc was no help. If I pick a fight its 7 against 1. Should I try and throw them out?

Signed,

Headed for small claims court

 

[Stormystarr]

I think maybe she likes sleepy a little too much. You're gonna have to kick his little dwarf ass.

 

[Myrrdin]

If I pick a fight its 7 against 1. Should I try and throw them out?

You,re lucky there are only seven. In the original fairy tale there were fifty dwarves. They dwindled down to eight before suspicion fell on Hungry.

 

[scylis]

You're lucky there are only seven. In the original fairy tale there were fifty dwarves. They dwindled down to eight before suspicion fell on Hungry. [/B]

*lmao*
you would think it would be obvious...

 

[CreamyLady]

Yes, but I do think that Grumpy knows more than he's telling.

 

[Laurel]

Hello Headed,

In today’s society, doing the right thing isn’t always the easiest thing to do. Though infinitely rewarding, making the right choices and acting on those convictions cannot only be challenging but often isolating.

The fear of that indictment virtually paralyzes some keepers into ignoring problems with their dwarves concerning illegal behavior, drugs, sex, cheating, skipping school, sneaking onto Internet pornography sites, smoking and eating disorders.

One keeper was virtually hysterical on the phone after having found blatantly vulgar e-mail on her 14-year-old dwarf's computer. The message was rather graphic, describing in detail the sexual delights in store for her little dwarf. I asked the keeper what she intended to do about it. She said she didn't see how she could do anything, because she'd have to admit to prying into her dwarf's privacy. She said, "My dwarf would never trust me again."

I challenged her: "So, rather than risk her getting mad at you, you'd risk its becoming sexually active at an age when she certainly can't handle the psychological ramifications of sexual intimacy, getting pregnant, acquiring a sexually transmitted disease, being used as a sex toy? Are you kidding?"

No, she wasn't -- and that's downright scary. This Dopey mentality reflects a belief that dwarves are our equals -- just shorter; that dwarves, whose every need is met by their keepers, are somehow entitled to equal standing when it comes to their own opinions, decisions, activities and privacy.

I just love it when a keeper and a dwarf visit my website together and the dwarf is complaining about his things and his space and his privacy being invaded. First I determine that the keepers are not compulsively bugging the dwarf for no good reason. Once that is determined, I remind the dwarf that the possessive pronoun "mine" is not completely accurate. All the dwarves have, including their own lives, is by the grace of their keepers and God.

Oh, and convert to Judaism as soon as possible.

God Bless,
Dr. Laur(el)

 

[RisiaSkye]

Ah, irony. I remember it fondly. We don't get much of that around here. People here ski while drinking topless, so irony is not that much of a priority.

(Can anyone name that reference? 50 bonus points if you can)

Actually, I suppose it is sarcasm and parody more than irony, although Dr. Laura's continued broadcasting existence seems at least mildly ironic to me. Besides, only irony allows me to quote...