Hey, hey, hey! Looks who's here!

[Rowdy Ted]

Let's get this party started! Rowdy in the house! Oh Yeah! What do you poets do for fun? I'm in the construction biz. I dig holes, drill holes, hammer things hard, screw things in. Sometimes, I write poetry, but mostly I seem to be the inspiration for poetry. Where my girls? Angeline, baby! Eve, Eve, Wicked Eve! Lauren, Judo! Common girls, give big Teddy some lovin'. How about a nice poetic greeting. Hint: Ted rhymes with Bed.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Fuck... I cannot believe you did this... LOL

 

[WickedEve]

Hey, no one told me that this guy was real.
(I think I have a crush already )

 

[Rowdy Ted]

There's my little tasty snack, Lauren and that wicked, wicked thing, Eve. Okay, where are my other ladies? Where is the goddess that created me? Angeline? Hey, Judo baby!
Rowdy is here and needin' it now! Hurry your pretty asses up and get on board the Rowdy Train of Lovin'! Choo... choo... choo...

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Must be some other Ted. It says below his name he's still a Virgin!

 

[WickedEve]

Our Ted is no Virgin! He's been around. He's been all over the place. Our Ted is a slut!

 

[Rowdy Ted]

Our Ted is no Virgin! He's been around. He's been all over the place. Our Ted is a slut!

That's me, baby. I'm numero uno male slut. I'm here to inspire. Oooo, I feel inspired myself. Ladies, I need to take care of something huge for a moment.

BRB

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Our Ted would take care of Our needs first...

And he'd never say BRB. I never heard Duracell's bunny saying BRB...

 

[WickedEve]

Our Ted may be huge but he'd never brag about it. He's secure enough with himself not to boast about his size. Besides, size isn't everything. (umm... I still want mine big.)

 

[Rowdy Ted]

Our Ted would take care of Our needs first...

And he'd never say BRB. I never heard Duracell's bunny saying BRB...

Oh all right! Give me a break. I've been in the dark all day and all that damn vibrating has me confused... and I'm really not that good with words. I'm a man of action! And to tell the truth, why can't you women just hold me sometimes? I need cuddling too. I need to be talked to. I have problems but do you ladies care? No! You just one thing from me! I am not your joy toy! Well, I am but...

 

[WickedEve]

Poor Ted. I had no idea you felt that way. I always thought of you as a sex object and I'm sorry. Come here and let me hold you close. Closer. Go ahead and cry and shake if you'd like. Let it all out. Oh yes, that's it!

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Ok, maybe we weren't being fair.

Eve, when was the last time you changed his batteries? And did you have him buzzing in the dark all day again?

Without sharing?

 

[WickedEve]

I... I ... I used the batteries in my TV remote! I'm so sorry!

But that means he's lying about all the vibrating!

 

[JUDO]

Let's get this party started! Rowdy in the house! Oh Yeah! What do you poets do for fun? I'm in the construction biz. I dig holes, drill holes, hammer things hard, screw things in. Sometimes, I write poetry, but mostly I seem to be the inspiration for poetry. Where my girls? Angeline, baby! Eve, Eve, Wicked Eve! Lauren, Judo! Common girls, give big Teddy some lovin'. How about a nice poetic greeting. Hint: Ted rhymes with Bed.

Dorothy Lamour's Sarong Song
--- a welcome for Rowdy Ted ---


Well, hell-o, Sailor!
Nice trousers you've got.
Perhaps we'll take'em to the tailor
And fix that spot.

You know the one I mean --
I've heard of handfulls, but golly.
You're awfully long 'n not lean.
Can you fire a quick volley?

Ooo, Betty Boop --
Was lookin' for this.
Made her hips twitch and loop,
But you know it can't miss.

Double-powered, long lasting,
Made to last... Say, gimme some!
This ain't no pole for casting,
But it'll make this mermaid cum.

I'll buy out Costco,
If it'll make you go-go.
Down with the pants, boy.
Just put me in a trance.

 

[WickedEve]

Classy Title.

Where's Angeline? Does she know that her Ted is on the loose?

 

[Angeline]

He's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

Where's Angeline? Does she know that her Ted is on the loose?

She does now!


What the hell? (Spin in that grave William Blake, baby)

Song of Experience

Dildo! Dildo! buzzing bright,
In Eve's bedroom late at night,
What immortal Wicked dream
Brings thee forth to vent thy spleen?

Near what distant deeps or thigh
Burns the ire thee let fly?
Do thee of plastic dare aspire
To quench thy maker's mighty fire?

What wild poet's bedlam art,
Could mold the plastic of thy heart?
And when thy buzz began to whine,
What dread hand thought thee divine?

What the shaft? What the vein?
In whose musing was thy brain?
Must thy dreaded base we clasp?
Dost thy terrors meet our grasp?

Do poets gaze on thee with fears?
And water heaven with their tears?
And do I smile my work to see?
Did she who made Disposa Girl make thee?

Dildo! Dildo! buzzing bright,
Roaming boards this winter night,
What immortal battery
Frames thy noisy symmetry?


(all that postsecondary ejicashun--this is what it gets me.)

 

[WickedEve]

Tiger, tiger burning bright... I mean, Ted, Ted buzzing tonight...

Angeline, can't you kill that thing. Take his batteries away? Something?

 

[Angeline]

Well You Just Keep Putting His....

um batteries in the tv remote, girlfriend. And I tell you, he does not live up to his namesame, darnit. My Ted--the literature prof--was charming and funny. Our Ted, on the other hand, is crude and obnoxious--like if that dancing banana icon thingy came to life, it would have that personality.

I just don't get it. I'm a genteel educated girl. I love Fred Astaire and Shakespeare and kultcha. And yet, here I am with that...that plastic excuse for a man, that...that...monster I created! lol

Eve, I was thinking that some um gunfight night maybe Ted and Disposa Girl could ....

Wait. What in god's name am I suggesting? Oh Man, Disposa Girl is gonna be pissed at me.

And what ARE you doing with your hand? You hidin somethin'?

 

[WickedEve]

I've already told Paul C on another thread that I misplaced my tuba again. Is it my fault that I can't keep up with things?

 

[Angeline]

Tuba?

Sheesh is that what that noise is? I did know you liked Souza.

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Tuba?

Sheesh is that what that noise is? I did know you liked Souza.

Yes, that noise is a tuba! (most of the time)

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Tuba?

Sheesh is that what that noise is? I did know you liked Souza.

And all I can say about Sousa is that Stars and Stripes may be forever but Sousa wasn't. He was 5 minutes tops!

 

[Angeline]

Talk about your Boston pops!

 

[WickedEve]

5 minutes tops and Boston pops... I think there's a poem there somewhere.

 

[JUDO]

5 minutes tops and Boston pops... I think there's a poem there somewhere.

Sousa Gets Inspiration

"Five minutes tops...
That's how long you got, Pops."
She said, droppin' her panties
In these squalid motel shanties.

Today's hot in the shade
After the Fourth of July parade,
But times are tough.
"It's twenty! Don't give me no guff."

She hikes down striped pants
And smiles at the lance
Testing the limits of silk.
"Old man, gonna deliver some milk?"

He smiles, twirls his moustache,
Gives pert breasts a quick tongue lash,
Then bends her down low
'Til her prize winks "Hello."

Her lips glisten like shined brass
He wants to plunge it in he ass,
But considering the pleasure-pain
Decides to wait for the break strain.

On the downbeat, she shouts,
"You're not like my usual louts."
With a refined beat of baton,
He grinned from the end she sat on,

And quick-marched to one-twenty.
She laughed, but not from funny,
From the pleasure, she prayed on
As the band behind played on.

Double time, her breath blew
Between her legs the hot stew
Drove a note, right and sure,
From her lungs, high and pure.

She fell upon the spread
As he zipped and left the bed,
Throwing a Jefferson to flutter
While she finished a final shudder.

Shiny shoes and gold buttons
Silver braids and graying muttons,
White gloves and and winning grin
Left the room that she stayed within.

A remembered face that she'd seen.
"Then maybe not, perhaps a dream?"
But then outside, the band, too clever
Started "The Stars and Stripes Forever."