He's trying to make me crazy....

[penguindance]

 

[Eagle70]

oh hun... <hugs> you're in my thoughts and prayers...be strong...you will get through this...<hugs and kisses>

 

[I'mVan]

Small man syndrome. There are always two sides, and it's a fool who denies their own part.

From what I've seen, you'll carry the burden, financial and emotional, and make more of a success of it without his dead weight around.

Doesn't take away the pain right now though. *kiss* (((PLS)))

 

[penguindance]

 

[His_kitty]

He sounds like he's playing upon your fears.


For my ex it was all about control. He also has said when our son get's older he'll know the truth. To that I said, yes he certainly will. I don't think he got my point.

My ex said for 11 years that I wouldn't be able to survive without him.

Here I am. It hasn't been easy by any means, but it's well worth the struggle I'm going through right now.


So when he gets nasty just keep in mind that it's probably because he's feeling very insecure about his life right now. He is projecting his own fears of inadequacy onto you.

Just keep remembering what a wonderful mother you are, and how strong you are. Don't let his bitterness get you down.

 

[penguindance]

 

[Monazwx]

Just remember, you'll get through this in one piece.

 

[penguindance]

 

[ma_guy]

Why does he have to be like that? Pride. (Because it's all he's got left.)

It's just like the people that get into arguments here on the boards and one starts hurling insults. They just can't admit that they've failed so they lash out.

 

[Silverlily]

what a familiar tune

It's a power play, darlin'. It's the only thing he can do to you and it only works when you feed it.

You KNOW what he says isn't true. But it tears you up anyway because it's the audible version of those nasty voices that haunt you in your darkest moments. He's wrong and so are those voices. The fear of being obsolete pushes him (whoever he is) to punish you and make you afraid. He's a master manipulator and knows the only way to get you is to hit where it hurts the most.

Start telling him he's wrong. He needs to hear it and you need to hear it. Say it out loud, "You are wrong". Say it over and over until it sticks. It may not be very effective at first, but it becomes more so over time.


(((hug)))

 

[His_kitty]

Thank you his_kitty. Sometimes you just need to hear that you're not the only one!

((hugs))

True, I agree that you do. None of my friends are divorced so while they are sympathetic they don't know exactly what I'm going through or what I'm feeling.


It helps to think how your life is going to be like in five or ten years. How happier you're going to be, maybe even with a man who loves and appreciates you, how you should be loved and appreciated.

{{ huggss }} sugar, it will get better, we have to keep believing that.

 

[Olivianna]

Ugh. So sorry, PLG. You've expressed this before - and it seems you know what to do. Noone should make you feel like that. You deserve SO much more. Good luck.
O

 

[EarthWind]

pretty_lil_stranger

I cant offer much but my support and love and hugs and kisses and anything else that will let you know I care.



the banana always cheers me up

 

[glamorilla]

wish it was easier for you or that i had the exact words or a way to help. it takes evrything out of me just to take care of myself...i don't think i'd be able to handle kids as well.

i hate it when people arbitrarily tell me things will be ok but i know you'e too smart to let it be otherwise.

wish i was there.

so i could fuck him up.

*hugs*

how dare that fucking asshole mess with *my* wife...

 

[penguindance]

 

[Blindinthedark]

What he can't have he hurts.
He's just trying to get a few last shots in, in an attempt to rationalize losing you. He's feeling the pain of losing you and he's trying to place it on you.
Fuck him. He's not worth the time. You're better off without him.
Hugs and I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Mia62]

Oh baby, I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel, tho.

Just know that you are tough. You can handle things. You are a good mother. You are a good person. You will make it through...without him. That is the part he can't handle because it is the truth.

You know where I am if you need to talk.

 

[Rambrat]

[B
And it's working. I can't stop crying. [/B]

that's a horrible thing to say to your children...

he is being a jerk!

 

[bknight2602]

Hugs and kisses to you. Every time I open one of these I see the results of the problems your having. I hope one day you get it worked out and be able to live a normal life!

 

[kiwiwolf]

Why does he have to be like that? Doesn't he realize that I am perfectly capable of taking care of my family? What is it about him that he can't accept that I don't NEED him?

He has spent the last five years figuring out exactly what to say to hurt me the most.


And it's working. I can't stop crying.

I wish I could produce some magical words that would make it all better. Unfortunately I can't.

From what I have seen of you on here you don't need to worry about how your kids will feel about you. I'm pretty sure they will know that they have a cool, loving, and supportive Mom.

The shots he is taking are just blanks. The empty words of a desperate man. You've already proven that you are by far the better person by not dropping to gutter politics yourself.

I sincerely hope that things get better for you, and soon.

Shane

 

[kiwiwolf]

wish it was easier for you or that i had the exact words or a way to help. it takes evrything out of me just to take care of myself...i don't think i'd be able to handle kids as well.

i hate it when people arbitrarily tell me things will be ok but i know you'e too smart to let it be otherwise.

wish i was there.

so i could fuck him up.

*hugs*

how dare that fucking asshole mess with *my* wife...

We could tag team his ass Glam... maybe not the correct terminology to use but you get my drift.

 

[Mia62]

We could tag team his ass Glam... maybe not the correct terminology to use but you get my drift.

You guys need to do a tag team road trip.

 

[SkyBluAngelEyes]

Oh hon, I am so sorry. Everyone on here has pretty much written what I'm feeling too. Just like ma-guy pointed out, he's lashing out because of pride. It's all he has left.

I've heard the exact same words out of my ex's mouth. (See? Cowboys are not all that great either, well...except, he was a rodeo cowboy) he didn't have much self esteem, so to make himself look better, it's better to make someone else look smaller.

Sweetie... Do I need to come and get you and take a little road trip to Dillon? Gawd, I love that town. I've got to move back!!

 

[Lancecastor]

"You're an unfit mother, you know that?"

Why does he have to be like that?

(you're getting lots of support here, so here's an alternate answer to the questions you've asked about why your husband is acting the way he is right now...I'm not emotionally invested in this so it's just meant to give you something to think about with a view to helping you make strong decisions for yourself and your family.)





1. You've spent 5 hours here today so far, so perhaps he's concerned that with your days working and nites online that you won't have enough time or energy to be a fit parent.

2. It sounds like the other things are him saying he's not happy that the marriage is ending....which is one way of saying he wants to stay married to you.

3. A marital breakdown is one of life's top 5 crises events, so he probably doesn't "want" to be talking like that, no more than you want to be crying and saying/doing the things you say /do to him.

Suggestions?

See a counsellor asap if you haven't already;

Separate asap before something worse happens; distance sometimes creates clarity;

Spend less time online...it's fun, sure...but it doesn't deal with any of the real life issues presently staring you in the face.

Hope this helps.

Lance

 

[I'mVan]

You guys need to do a tag team road trip.

Less talking, more driving.