SlutAddicted
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2014
- Posts
- 2,886
I think the points and opinions I was trying to express were missed. I'll try again.
Ok first and foremost, my example of my debate with my ex was simply one to describe that he could not fathom others "wet paint" until he touched it himself. The debate was about why people in his life (other than me) were "freaking out" about his aggressive boundary ignoring behavior that he found to be reasonable behaviour. I did not intend to suggest the OP was in or expressed that she was in any threat of physical harm.
That said, when SA suggested that the OPs emotional reactions were possibly due to faults in her behavior or even sense of self while I concurrently found her response of being frustrated with the lack of (what I have interpreted as) respect completely reasonable, I was compelled to respond directly to it. My intention was to suggest that given that everything that the OP stated about her "wet paint" made me believe that the ex was not behaving reasonably (regardless of his kinky letter size) and that her emotional response to all if it seemed reasonable to me. In addition, having an ex that ignored boundaries for attempting continued contact was something cringe makingly familiar to me, and maybe that made it easier for me to believe.
SA, my intention was to say that given how you responded to her reaction as maybe there is something false or wrong with her made me think that maybe you could not believe her paint was wet because you have simply not had experienced anything like it. The behavior of the ex and the current seemed to raise flags for me too, so it was odd to me that I read in you post the suggestion that her strained compliance was actually questioning her submissiveness. I sense from your later posts that you would agree that it is our job to protect, honor and nourish ourselves regardless of what labels we wear. It is in forums like these where there are so many more readers than there are posters, that securing safety and establishing trust with someone that is trustworthy is critical for all of us to champion, but maybe especially for those that have a need to follow. When boundaries are ignored, trust is strained or broken and that simply has to be addressed.
If someone finds themselves questioning their comfort and safety and find a need to act on that, it does not make them less submissive, it just keeps them safe and healthy. I am not less sexual if I'm miserable dating a certain guy and need to break up with him, I'm just with the wrong guy. The ways I have had to wrestle with my identity and what felt right while navigating a life that went entirely different directions than I had planned should probably have me ready for the WWF any day now... So yeah, it struck a nerve with me. FWIW, my post was actually intended in a much more passive observation tone than I guess it came across.
Lastly, with all that said, my intention of using dragonflies and water bugs as an example was to show that I generally disagree that we are only what we may someday realize or transform into. We are never without identity, even if we lack the clarity of definition or understanding of who we are well enough to express or even live into it. I think humanity could benefit from the practice of allowing acceptance "as is" instead of a "only if" or "someday when".
I hope that helps.
I don't think we disagree really. I didn't mean to suggest that there was something wrong or false with her. However, it seemed to me that her biggest issue was with how her ex was behaving in general with other people in their "scene". She was making judgments about who he is or isn't. Just like its not for me to say who is a true sub it isn't for her to say who is a poser.
The stalky part is a different matter. However, my read was that he wasn't being stalky with her but with her new partner, in which case the main issue is with the new partner.
The wet paint point is valid. Perhaps I don't see the wet paint.....and perhaps you see all paint as wet. In this case the paint was not wet. We each project our experiences. You are sensitive to the abusive partner. I am sensitive to the ex who thinks it is their place to continue to criticize a partner they aren't with anymore. He is clinging to her (albeit via the new partner) in an unhealthy way but so too is she clinging to her disdain for the ex in an unhealthy way.
Again I don't think we really disagree on water bugs and dragonflies. We are what we are and what we will be and everything in between. My perspective was really just on the concept of change. To stretch the metaphor I wouldn't even say that the water bug is irreversibly destined to become a dragonfly and certainly not that it should deny its water bugness - only that it is unlikely to become an eagle.