Here goes nothing...

[FireAngel]

Okay...whew...

This is nerve wracking...

So I just posted my first story (the first story of any kind that I have ever written) and I am looking for some feedback. I have so many ideas floating around in my head (real experience as well as imaginings) and I just want to do them justice. I have never thought of myself as a writer but I enjoy the stories on this site so much I wanted to give it a try. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I have gotten some positive response which is really great. Thanks to everyone who has written. I think I need to work on the build up to the "event" (or "events" as the case may be ) so that is something I am working on for my next story...

Thanks in advance!

Here is the link to my story:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=24236

 

[abashed-dreamer]

Hot Tub Encounter

Fire Angel,

That's quite a creditable piece of writing. Quite hot and fresh in most cases. Generally you avoided 'over writing' which is a common problem. Here's one case where it did get a bit 'over':
"then rammed my tight silky pussy down on his rock hard cock again."
Yes, the character and 'lead up' is minimal. We only know they are young adults out for a good time. In terms of the event itself,
it's telling is punchy, straight forward, but perhaps a little more about the feelings of the characters-- we know of lust and pleasure, that's all. No one is embarrassed, proud, etc. or has any agenda except sex.
Keep up the good work. You tell a good story, and can in the future flesh out the x-inserted-in-y description. Even here there could be the odd surprise: for instance, in/during an insertion, something slips out. The reader likes surprises, in moderation.

abashed-dreamer
lfmn2x@hotmail.com

 

[Guest]

Ripping read, Angel!

I'm not much for Group stuff, but this was a good first story! I agree with Dreamer...you need to show a bit more of the emotions going on (contrary to some belief, you can arouse more with thought than with action! )

I look forward to more stories from you in the near future!


Maintain and Check Six!

 

[Natalie Nessus]

 

[FireAngel]

Thanks...

I really appreciate the responses and take all advice to heart. I'm working on a new story right now and plan to use your suggestions: more character development, avoidance of overwriting and hopefully a surprise or two !!!

Again thank you so much for taking the time to respond and giving me some great tips...

 

[Natalie Nessus]

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