Help!

[immike]

Hi everybody Ive been checking out this site for a while and now is the first time that Ive decided to post and I need help. I am a 20 year old male that is still a virgin and I have my chance to have sex for the first time....The problem is that she is an older(35) much more experienced women and Im pretty nervous. Now she doesnt know that I am a virgin but she also doesnt know think that Im not a virgin...It is something we really havent discussed because Im assuming that she is assuming that Im not a virgin. Need help with every aspect of this. Niether of us is looking for a relationship I actually found her on adultfriendfinder.com and found out she lives just a few houses down. Im leaving within the next few months for basic training so really we are both looking to have sex and with her just a few houses down it is a great oppurtunity Its really not an oppurtunity that I would like to pass up just extremely nervous about anything and everything. Would really like to perform well when this happens but am scared that I wont...any help would be great... thank you

 

[Cathleen]

Hi Mike, welcome out of 'Lit. lurkdom'.

Remember the first time Monet picked up a paint brush he didn't create the works that you see in museums today. He learned with each painting, each building on the previous.

Take your time, I'd let her know you don't have 'much experience', how you want to word that is up to you. I'd like to know I think, it is fun to learn and to teach!

If the two of you are communicating honestly I think it will be a wonderful experience for you both. Of course you'll be nervous, you've not done it so why wouldn't you be, I'm nevous with a new partner..... kind of like first day of school nervous. It is exciting apprehension, use that energy!

Enjoy each other, treat each other well and I think you'll both have wonderful memories.

Best of luck with this and with basic training.

 

[immike]

thank you for your input cathleen it is much needed and it helps...any other help would be greatly appreciated

 

[College_geek]

I would say tell her as soon as possible. It would be better to tell her now than right before you're about to have sex. In my opinion, I would think that she would be delighted to teach you in the ways of sex. I know a lot of people who are thrilled to be able to work with a "clean slate". That way, he or she can show his or her partner exactly how they want it done. Sometimes people who are already experienced are difficult to get out of patterns. Communicate, be safe, and have fun. Good luck with both your encounter and your basic training.

 

[Xectxny19X]

Communication is def. key if it's bothering YOU. Hey, she might even like it more so that you're a virgin. She'd be the first to teach you a thing or two.

 

[immike]

thank you for the replies...its really not having sex that im nervous about...im fairly confident in myself...about as confident as I can be....its more of the fact that im a virgin that im nervous about...ive been turned down several times after having told them that I was a virgin...ive been turned down by another virgin because she was looking for someone with experience...I am definately going to tell her that I have no experience and im fairly positive im going to be turned down afterwards...and if I dont tell Ill feel like a liar and would rather not have that on my conscience after we have sex and she doesnt feel I performed well...im pretty much lost and would like any help I can get...thank you

 

[College_geek]

thank you for the replies...its really not having sex that im nervous about...im fairly confident in myself...about as confident as I can be....its more of the fact that im a virgin that im nervous about...ive been turned down several times after having told them that I was a virgin...ive been turned down by another virgin because she was looking for someone with experience...I am definately going to tell her that I have no experience and im fairly positive im going to be turned down afterwards...and if I dont tell Ill feel like a liar and would rather not have that on my conscience after we have sex and she doesnt feel I performed well...im pretty much lost and would like any help I can get...thank you

I can see a virgin turning down another virgin because they want to be taught by someone with experience. However, just because you've been turned down before because of a virgin status does not mean that this woman will do the same. Perhaps if you told her your are nervous, she'll be able to help you calm down...in good ways. I think sometimes having a virgin explore and learn would be more enjoyable than someone who has experience, but still sucks at performing. Like I said before, good luck. If you can, keep us updated as the story unfolds.

 

[LadyJeanne]

She already knows you're young and inexperienced, and has probably wondered whether you are a virgin. Don't be nervous about telling her. Even if you weren't a virgin, she wouldn't expect you to know everything about pleasing a woman - that takes years and years of patient, devoted learning!

My SO's first lover was an older woman, and he thinks of it as the best thing that ever happened to him. She taught him so much about the female body and his own and the delicious things they could do together. I bless that woman for turning him into the generous, caring and responsive lover he always is!

Tell her you think she's a beautiful and exciting woman and that you love holding her in your arms. Kiss her often and kiss her well - she'll show you how to please her best.

Listen and let her guide you and enjoy you lucky, lucky boy!

 

[SweetErika]

You've already received wonderful advice, but I'm thinking about how I'd like to hear you're a virgin. I'm thinking you should frame it as a positive thing...perhaps that's where you went wrong before. Be confident and say something like, "I'm really excited about this. You're such a (insert compliments here) woman, and since I don't have any experience, I'd love it if we could take it a little slower so you can guide and teach me what will give you the most pleasure." She should pick up on the fact that you're a virgin, but as far as most women are concerned, men are virgins to their bodies for quite sometime.

One tip: You may want to consider masturbating a few hours before you meet up if you'd like to last a little longer. Of course it's perfectly fine if you don't too, but some guys are worried about that.

Good luck, have fun, and make sure you're safe!

 

[immike]

well I told her that I was a virgin and put a pretty positive spin on it...she didnt really comment back but was still pretty cool about it so that made me feel much better...not sure whats going to happen but im not giving up...thanks for the help...Ill keep you posted on what happens

 

[Devious101]

if i posted earlier - i would have said for you to tell her - but since you've already done that.... but good luck man. Lucky for you, an experienced woman and all, should be good

 

[Quoll]

immike I wish you luck.

You are about to live out a fantasy I never had a chance to fulfil.
Not complaining about what I`ve got, but oh you lucky man.

Try and relax, yeh yeh I know.
Don`t be in a hurry, hopefully you will have plenty of time, second time is easier, third time is better .....
Oh I remember those days.
Have fun. I hope your first time is one to remember.

 

[immike]

hey people thanks for all the help still not sure if its going to happen or not but to be honest with all of your help you guys have made me much more confident in myself so either way Im not going to give up....we talk on yahoo all the time so shes definately interested we will have to see what happens...the only thing that is bothering me now is that we talk all the time over the internet but we havent really discussed about getting together again...she seems interested most of the time and then again at other times it seems like shes ignoring me...Im extremely self conscious so maybe Im looking into it too far...We will have to see what happens and I will definately keep you guys posted....Thanks again!

 

[Xectxny19X]

well I told her that I was a virgin and put a pretty positive spin on it...she didnt really comment back but was still pretty cool about it so that made me feel much better...not sure whats going to happen but im not giving up...thanks for the help...Ill keep you posted on what happens

that sounds like good news. Wish ya the best.