Help with writing a character's thoughts

[Howbizarre]

Hey guys!

noob writer here having just posted my first story of hopefully many to come.

My preferred style is narrating from one characters knowledge and perspective, but not as if the character was telling the story (don't know the technical 1st/3rd person technical writing term exactly)

I was just wondering what the best way is to write a person's thoughts in that perspective. Only that characters thoughts would be narrated in that style I believe.

So, should it just be in qoutes with a descriptive modifier as follows...

(story perspective character's name) thought, "I'm going to the store later."

or should a ' be used instead of "s or some other mechanic?

also any general tips for the correct way or how and when to introduce them in or between paragraphs to clearly separate them from speech would be awesome.

lastly any other words or phrases that could be used beside "thought" so it isn't a parade of the same word.

Thanks!

 

[TE999]

I always show my characters thoughts in this fashion:

'Does she still care about me?' Gary mused as he continued stacking boxes. 'Maybe I will ask her out on a date tonight.'


'Find an exit, find an exit, now!' Susan's mind raced as the heavy footsteps came closer in the darkened house.


"... And in conclusion, I promise ..."

'Yeah, sure,' Bob thought as he doodled on his notepad. 'He's like all politicians, full of crap.'

I hope this helps. It's worked for me so far.

 

[StrangeLife]

You can also write the thoughts in italics. Like...


"How lovely to hear that your mom will come live with us for the summer honey."

I need to get hold of some arsenic so I can get rid of that old shrike...

"Will she bring her cute little dogs too? What are their names...Puffie and Snuffie right?"

Goddamned yapping carpet-shitting shedding mutts. Maybe a lawn mower accident? Hmm...

"I will go to my boss tomorrow and request time off so we can spend as much time with her as possible."

I'll beg him for a temporary three month transfer to Europe....

"But I better get going honey. Love you."

Inconsiderate bitch...

 

[Howbizarre]

Thanks guys.

I use just a regular text file that you open in windows, I'm not very technical. I don't know how to do italics, but I would prefer that way as it seems to clearly stand out.

Sorry if the following question makes me an idiot, but I have been away from computers primarily for a long time until the recent loss of my right arm. Doesn't windows come with another word processor program that makes doing italics easy and how would I find it?

Also, here is my first story if you wouldn't mind checking it out to see if the thoughts seem properly used and structured clear enough to where I might just be able to continue as is, or possibly using the ( ' ) character if I can't find a different word processor.

http://www.literotica.com/s/krites-earthly-fantasy-ch-01

Any help or advice you have is greatly appreciated.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I use just a regular text file that you open in windows, I'm not very technical. I don't know how to do italics, but I would prefer that way as it seems to clearly stand out.

Sorry if the following question makes me an idiot, but I have been away from computers primarily for a long time until the recent loss of my right arm. Doesn't windows come with another word processor program that makes doing italics easy and how would I find it?

I'm not sure if Windows still comes with Wordpad these days; that will do italics. (Control-I to switch them on and again to switch them off.) You could also download LibreOffice for free (don't use it myself but I hear good things about it) or buy MS Office; both of those come with a word processor.

Another option is just to use a plain text file and code the italics manually, <i>like this</i>. If you do this, make sure you preview and check you haven't forgotten to close any tags along the way.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Thanks guys.

I use just a regular text file that you open in windows, I'm not very technical. I don't know how to do italics, but I would prefer that way as it seems to clearly stand out.

Sorry if the following question makes me an idiot, but I have been away from computers primarily for a long time until the recent loss of my right arm. Doesn't windows come with another word processor program that makes doing italics easy and how would I find it?

Also, here is my first story if you wouldn't mind checking it out to see if the thoughts seem properly used and structured clear enough to where I might just be able to continue as is, or possibly using the ( ' ) character if I can't find a different word processor.

http://www.literotica.com/s/krites-earthly-fantasy-ch-01

Any help or advice you have is greatly appreciated.

In your current word processor you can surround the thoughts with the HTML tag <i>thoughts</i>, this will then show up as Italics on Lit. Of course you have to use the cut and paste method of submitting a story.

You can also use the following HTML tags in your story to format your text...

<b>text</b> - Bold
<u>text</u> - Underline
<i>text</i> - Italics
<center>text</center> -

Center​

<blockquote>text</blockquote> -

Indent of five character on both sides the text​

 

[Handley_Page]

I'm not sure if Windows still comes with Wordpad these days; that will do italics. (Control-I to switch them on and again to switch them off.) You could also download LibreOffice for free (don't use it myself but I hear good things about it) or buy MS Office; both of those come with a word processor.

Another option is just to use a plain text file and code the italics manually, <i>like this</i>. If you do this, make sure you preview and check you haven't forgotten to close any tags along the way.

Libre Office is a very nice 'clone' of Microsoft Office, but with fewer hang-ups.
It can take a bit of configuring, though.

In your current word processor you can surround the thoughts with the HTML tag <i>thoughts</i>, this will then show up as Italics on Lit. Of course you have to use the cut and paste method of submitting a story.

You can also use the following HTML tags in your story to format your text...

<b>text</b> - Bold
<u>text</u> - Underline
<i>text</i> - Italics
<center>text</center> -

Center​

<blockquote>text</blockquote> -

Indent of five character on both sides the text​

Good Advice!

 

[Howbizarre]

Wow, lots of good tips and goodies to dig through.

You guys really took care of me and gave me some good options, thanks a whole bunch.

I'm really excited to give back to the community here. I have been reading stories anonymously for a couple of years but just a couple of weeks ago made an account and got into writing and it is really fun.

On pain meds from surgery and might be rambling, but you guys are awesome. Really cool stuff, cyas.

 

[Hypoxia]

Track 2: I mostly use the free JARTE word processor with its wonderful WordWeb thesarus. I use Word 2002 for spelling-grammar checks. But Jarte is a joy to use, and Word ain't.

Track 1: Consistency matters. Whatever path you take - italics, quotes, plaintext, whatever - stick with it. I now generally stick with plaintext:

That sucks, he thought; I'll have to kill the fucker.

That's less obtrusive than quotes, italics, boldface, any other effect. Now, if the narrator was bipolar and their multiple personalities were arguing, quotes would be appropriate. Otherwise, keep it simple.

 

[Serafina1210]

If you're writing from one character's point of view, consider the possibility that you don't need the "she thought" most of the time, or any of the apparatus of italics, quotation marks, etc. If your narrator is reporting only that character's POV, why bother?

"Hi Bob," she said, smiling brightly. He was the ugliest man she'd ever seen; the very sight of him filled her with loathing.

 

[NaokoSmith]

Hey there! welcome to the board.

Just to add, do use single quote marks ' for thoughts, and double for speech " .
Use of italics (StrangeLife) and the more descriptive mode (Serafina) are also good.
Zeb is also spot on with the advice about how to set it up so you get italics when you post a story to Literotica.

Put your story link in your signature, you can see that most of us have these links underneath our posts that appear every time we put up a post.

You could also go to the Editors' Board and post a thread asking for some editorial support. You could add that you are a Newbie and would appreciate advice about how the site works as well as on punctuation.

(When you get to 100 posts you can have an avatar, as well. If you are in a rush, you can get up to 100 quickly by posting in the word game threads.
)

 

[sr71plt]

*Sigh* If you're writing American style, you won't use single quotes for any quotes except for quotes within a quote. The first level is always double quotes, followed by single quotes for the next level and double quotes again if there's another level.

Does this American site accept British style in that regard? (A real question. Would like to see examples of it doing so in the Literotica file. The question arises because I've been asked if Literotica accepts the style, and I don't know whether it does or not.)

On the OP question, if you are using American style and only posting to Literotica, I think italics is fine (good even). If you want to submit to the mainstream world, you either just use regular Roman and make it clear in the narrative it's a thought or you put it in double quotes just like regular spoken dialogue. Those are the two choices the American-style authorities give you. Not italics.

 

[NaokoSmith]

*Sigh* If you're writing American style, you won't use single quotes for any quotes except for quotes within a quote. The first level is always double quotes, followed by single quotes for the next level and double quotes again if there's another level.

Does this American site accept British style in that regard? (A real question. Would like to see examples of it doing so in the Literotica file. The question arises because I've been asked if Literotica accepts the style, and I don't know whether it does or not.)

TE999 used this style of representing thoughts in his answer to OP above. I'm sure I've seen other American writers answering questions about it here say this is how to show thoughts, too.

I have had stories published which used this style, so I presume it's not an issue on here.

The French have a totally different style, they use «» to represent speech. I forget what they do for their pensées. I think the Brits and Americans have the same punctuation system. Do you know of examples where the use of punctuation differs?

 

[sr71plt]

TE999 used this style of representing thoughts in his answer to OP above. I'm sure I've seen other American writers answering questions about it here say this is how to show thoughts, too.

I have had stories published which used this style, so I presume it's not an issue on here.

The French have a totally different style, they use «» to represent speech. I forget what they do for their pensées. I think the Brits and Americans have the same punctuation system. Do you know of examples where the use of punctuation differs?

Putting it in a post here isn't getting it passed in a story. Would like to see a citation of a story or two where single quotes are accepted by the Web site editor for either the first level of quoted dialogue or for thoughts. Literotica does not accept all British styling. Would like to know for sure that these particular uses are accepted here. Using them in a post is irrelevant to this request.

Yes, I know a basic difference in punctuation style between American and British style. British style puts periods outside of the quote marks and American puts them inside the quotation marks--and the Literotica editor rejects the British style as bad use of punctuation (maybe not always, but quite often when I review a rejected story for an author, this is what has happened). I'm aware of the different French style for quote marks and, again, haven't seen an example of that accepted into the Lit. story file. Could use a citation showing that can be done too.

This is what I think may be a problem with several of the responses the OP has gotten. Most of them aren't accepted by American-style publishing authorities, and it might be that some of them aren't even accepted by the Literotica editor.

 

[NaokoSmith]

Putting it in a post here isn't getting it passed in a story. Would like to see a citation of a story or two where single quotes are accepted by the Web site editor for either the first level of quoted dialogue or for thoughts. Literotica does not accept all British styling. Would like to know for sure that these particular uses are accepted here. Using them in a post is irrelevant to this request.

Yes, I know a basic difference in punctuation style between American and British style. British style puts periods outside of the quote marks and American puts them inside the quotation marks--and the Literotica editor rejects the British style as bad use of punctuation (maybe not always, but quite often when I review a rejected story for an author, this is what has happened). I'm aware of the different French style for quote marks and, again, haven't seen an example of that accepted into the Lit. story file. Could use a citation showing that can be done too.

You are very grumpy these days, Pilot. Are you sure you aren't trying to pick a fight here? I don't mind answering these questions if they are genuine but they seem a bit dumb for you, you're not usually wrong about these things.

British punctuation does not put the period outside the quotation mark. Coincidentally, I just corrected this problem in the writing of an American author I am editing for.

This chapter of mine uses single quotes and has been published on here:
http://www.i.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=875555

It is not a post. I gave TE999's post because he's an American writer, and he offered that punctuation style to the OP, suggesting that American as well as British writers use it.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I have read stories on Lit. where the dialog was within single quotes. At the time I thought it strange and was actually hard to read, being used to double quotes.

Do I remember which stories...sorry no. I also think I have seen the single quote method used in stories on Amazon Kindle Store. Not sure about Smashwords though.

 

[lovecraft68]

Putting it in a post here isn't getting it passed in a story. Would like to see a citation of a story or two where single quotes are accepted by the Web site editor for either the first level of quoted dialogue or for thoughts. Literotica does not accept all British styling. Would like to know for sure that these particular uses are accepted here. Using them in a post is irrelevant to this request.

Yes, I know a basic difference in punctuation style between American and British style. British style puts periods outside of the quote marks and American puts them inside the quotation marks--and the Literotica editor rejects the British style as bad use of punctuation (maybe not always, but quite often when I review a rejected story for an author, this is what has happened). I'm aware of the different French style for quote marks and, again, haven't seen an example of that accepted into the Lit. story file. Could use a citation showing that can be done too.

This is what I think may be a problem with several of the responses the OP has gotten. Most of them aren't accepted by American-style publishing authorities, and it might be that some of them aren't even accepted by the Literotica editor.

I'm going hunting, but I've seen examples of the [period outside of the quotation marks. I was not aware that was British style, I thought the author simply was not doing it correctly.

I'm sure when it comes to that it's not so much here because it is acknowledged as British stye, but simply shoddy and inconsistent "editing" on the part of the site.

We've all seen posts where someone is saying they were rejected due to poor grammar, spelling and dialogue tags, yet one can easily find stories with horrifically poor spelling and grammar that make you say "How does this get through?"

Gets through like everything else does. One person barely glancing at 100 stories a night. Same with single quotes.

 

[Serafina1210]

I'm going hunting, but I've seen examples of the period outside of the quotation marks. I was not aware that was British style, I thought the author simply was not doing it correctly.

I'm sure when it comes to that it's not so much here because it is acknowledged as British stye, but simply shoddy and inconsistent "editing" on the part of the site.

I've had to write with both British and American style. In the British style, you decide whether the period belongs with the quotation or not and put it inside or outside accordingly. Most of that time that means putting a period outside. You usually have to be quoting a complete sentence for it to belong inside. Here's a decent summary:

http://www.eng-lang.co.uk/ogs.htm

Go to 5.13 and 5.13.2 for the rules.

 

[sr71plt]

You are very grumpy these days, Pilot. Are you sure you aren't trying to pick a fight here? I don't mind answering these questions if they are genuine but they seem a bit dumb for you, you're not usually wrong about these things.

British punctuation does not put the period outside the quotation mark. Coincidentally, I just corrected this problem in the writing of an American author I am editing for.

This chapter of mine uses single quotes and has been published on here:
http://www.i.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=875555

It is not a post. I gave TE999's post because he's an American writer, and he offered that punctuation style to the OP, suggesting that American as well as British writers use it.

Sure I get grumpy when folks just giving their opinion give bum editorial advice. I'm a professional editor; I suffered through two graduate-level programs to learn how to do this right and I do this for money.

I'm sorry that you don't understand that giving an example in a forum post is not evidence that it will be accepted in a submitted story to Literotica or as a proper rendering in the marketplace--but you finally, after some teeth pulling, did cite a Literotica story where single quotes are used for thoughts. That's what I wanted to check out--not to say it couldn't be done at Literotica--but to see evidence that it could be done. Which is fine, and when I'm asked now I can say you can do that at Literotica if you want (as well as the italics approach).

I would still say it's not acceptable in mainstream publishing in American style--because, well, neither is. (Having cited authority--the Chicago Manual of Style on this--I'll add that both italics and the single quote option look clearer to me than what CMS sanctions, so this isn't an argument of what I'd prefer myself as the clearest options--it's guidance on what the authorities for publishing give as options.) It's up to the author here whether they only want something that will clear Literotica or if they want something that would clear in mainstream American publishing. I don't say you have to follow accepted industry style if you're just publishing here. I don't see why an author wouldn't want to know the difference though.

This thread is riddled with inexperienced advice that doesn't fly in the marketplace and is based on--what, exactly?

 

[NaokoSmith]

Sure I get grumpy when folks just giving their opinion give bum editorial advice. I'm a professional editor; I suffered through two graduate-level programs to learn how to do this right and I do this for money.
...
This thread is riddled with inexperienced advice that doesn't fly in the marketplace and is based on--what, exactly?

You are so rude and arrogant, you make a bad mood at the moment wherever you go on here. And you are wrong about a full stop outside a quotation mark being British punctuation. Maybe that's what they taught you in your American proof-reading classes but it's not what we Brits actually do.

What matters is what works and people offering advice in a kindly spirit. OP can take it or leave the advice, even bum advice means people are willing to help out and welcome others here. Sometimes friendly support is worth a whole lot more to a new writer than some asshat saying: "These are the rules! Shut up and obey."

Language grows, it doesn't stay within the rules. Writers see something which works, they use it, then it becomes customary then people write down that it's the rule but the next day it may change.

If OP's stories are good enough to go mainstream, I'm sure someone will tidy up any issues with them. For now, it's just about what might work well, look good and be permitted on the Literotica pages. I am sure OP is grateful for all our input and support.

 

[sr71plt]

I'm very much aware that friendly support usually is more highly valued on Internet discussion boards than accuracy is. That's one of the zany aspects of Internet discussion boards. And, yes, of course folks who actually know this stuff and are trying to help others with best practices are considered rude by "let's just all be happy--and wear condoms" folks like you, no matter how ignorant folks like you are about the "help" you choose to give.

And British style most certainly does put the period outside the quotation mark for some purposes. Another poster other than me has tried to tell you that on this thread (Serafina). And British writers tend to actually do that a lot--and then get rejected here on Literotica for doing it. I've had to help folks here with that on several occasions. I'm willing to bet that you haven't volunteered to help anyone here at all get past the rejection phase, so you wouldn't know that it's a problem at Literotica.

And, speaking of rude and arrogant, lady . . .

 

[Serafina1210]

Whoa! Don't enlist me in this fight!

I will say three things, though. 1. Lit. seems pretty relaxed about all kinds of usage questions. 2. If Lit. or some Lit. editors don't allow British usage, they should: there are lots of British readers and writers here, and British style is perfectly clear to American readers.

But 3. I'll repeat an earlier point, that all this apparatus is largely unnecessary when reporting a character's thoughts in a third-person narrative that follows one POV. I've just finished a 6700-word chapter that constantly reports a character's thoughts and didn't write "she thought" once.

 

[sr71plt]

Right on Lit.'s generally relaxed style (that said, it rejects a lot that I see no reason why it didn't let through if it has a relaxed style). I cited one unsanctioned method (italics) that is permitted here and eventually, in pulling teeth, got another one point to that is accepted here (the single quotes.)

As far as just changing everything to third person, not doing so is fine, and it would really be dull if everything was in third person just because you don't want to do other techniques correctly.

 

[Serafina1210]

One more thing: the practical effect of the British rule is that the period and comma go outside the qu. marks ALMOST ALL THE TIME. I've written more (non-fiction) for British publishers than I care to admit, and the number of times I have (or a copy-editor has) put a comma or period inside is pitifully small.

 

[Serafina1210]

As far as just changing everything to third person, not doing so is fine, and it would really be dull if everything was in third person just because you don't want to do other techniques correctly.

I get that. It's just that the OP was asking about third-person narrative that follows one character's POV, and I was responding to that.