Help with identifying Past/Present tense switching

[wallcleaner]

Hello,

For whatever reason, one of my biggest weaknesses with writing is that I sometimes switch tenses when writing. I've put a lot of time and effort in editing my stories to catch these and fix them, but I'm at a point now where I am second guessing myself as to what actually constitutes a tense switch.

Below are 3 different quotes from a recent story I wrote that I would love some input on as to whether I am actually tense switching or not. I've bolded the tense parts.

Context: Story is written in the first person, past tense.

I snapped back to reality after taking in the surroundings, looking blankly at my friend Pam.

I obviously start with past tense, but later in the sentence I use "looking" which is more present tense. Is this ok as its connected to the earlier part of the sentence?

Good thing I was already sweating due to the heat, otherwise it might've looked like I was already falling for him. But I am falling for him aren’t I?

Similar situation to my above example, but slightly different as they are technically two different sentences.

Thankfully any potential awkwardness was interrupted by a roller coaster car rumbling into the station, breaking his attention away from me and back to his job.

Yet another example to hopefully wrap my head around this.

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Any insight into these examples would be greatly appreciated. If y'all have any additional information of what to watch out for in situations like this or things to be wary about in general regarding tense switching as well, I'd be glad to hear it.

Thanks!

 

[Jada59]

I snapped back to reality after taking in the surroundings, looking blankly at my friend Pam.
I obviously start with past tense, but later in the sentence I use "looking" which is more present tense. Is this ok as its connected to the earlier part of the sentence?

Should say that you snapped back and looked.

Quote:
Good thing I was already sweating due to the heat, otherwise it might've looked like I was already falling for him. But I am falling for him aren’t I?
Similar situation to my above example, but slightly different as they are technically two different sentences.

Should be "am" instead of "was". But it reads awkwardly.

Quote:
Thankfully any potential awkwardness was interrupted by a roller coaster car rumbling into the station, breaking his attention away from me and back to his job.

Another awkward sentence. But you should have used "that rumbled into the station" and that it "broke" his attention. I think you should use two sentences here.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I often use the first and third constructions in my past tense writing, the same way you do here. A grammar purist will come by soon to tell us if it's okay to do that - I've not been pulled up for doing it.

Your technique is an active writing style which keeps the narrative more lively. Jada's reworks are more passive, I think, which slows it down.

Your second example is a straight tense jump from past to present, which I wouldn't do.

 

[Jada59]

I often use the first and third constructions in my past tense writing, the same way you do here. A grammar purist will come by soon to tell us if it's okay to do that - I've not been pulled up for doing it.

Your technique is an active writing style which keeps the narrative more lively. Jada's reworks are more passive, I think, which slows it down.

Your second example is a straight tense jump from past to present, which I wouldn't do.

Well, I'm no expert! I've just been accused of switching tenses.

 

[SisterJezabel]

It’s late and past my bedtime, but the first example reads correctly and in the back of my mind I remember something about adjectives adding in -ing but I think I’m off the mark.

The second one switches tense. The second sentence should be But I was falling for him, wasn’t I?

 

[Salacious_Scribe]

I snapped back to reality after I took in the surroundings, and stared blankly at my friend Pam.


Good thing I was coated in sweat from the heat, otherwise it might have appeared that I already fell for him. I didn't want people to know how I felt about him. Hell I wan't even sure of how I felt about him.

Thankfully any potential awkwardness was interrupted when a roller coaster car rumbled into the station. It took his attention from me so he could do his job.


This is how I would write these sentences.

 

[AlexBailey]

I wrote my entire >90k word story in first-person past tense before a friend suggested rewriting it in present tense.

It has been a big project, but I really like how it's turning out. In first-person present tense, everything becomes more immediate and palpable. My older versions now read like memoirs -- not my favorite perspective for erotica.



I also find that it helps a lot with internal dialogue and description. Past tense feels less natural when describing emotions or places and scenery that actually exist IRL, or when describing personal traits about someone who isn't dead, either IRL or someone who is fictionally still alive at the time of the story telling.

In present tense, exposition can be laid out naturally from the perspective of the main character.

***

Quote:
I snapped back to reality after taking in the surroundings, looking blankly at my friend Pam.


Present Tense:
I take in the surroundings and snap back to reality, looking blankly at my friend Pam.

Or:

Taking in my surroundings, I snap back to reality and look blankly at my friend Pam.
--- It seems more immersive to me.


***

Quote:
Good thing I was already sweating due to the heat, otherwise it might've looked like I was already falling for him. But I am falling for him aren’t I?


Present Tense:
Good thing I'm already sweating due to the heat, otherwise it might look like I'm already falling for him -- but I am falling for him, aren't I?

Or:

Good thing the heat is already making me sweat, otherwise he might know that I'm already falling for him. ---it makes me feel more connected to the narrative.


***


Quote:
Thankfully any potential awkwardness was interrupted by a roller coaster car rumbling into the station, breaking his attention away from me and back to his job.


Present Tense:
Thankfully any potential awkwardness is interrupted by a roller coaster car rumbling into the station, breaking his attention away from me and back to his job.

Or:

A roller coaster car rumbles into the station, breaking his attention away from me and back to his job -- thankfully interrupting any potential awkwardness.
--- I like this version better because it puts the action of the roller coaster first, actually breaking the narritive.




Basically, I feel that present tense helps me avoid some writing gymnastics that only serve to unnecessarily remove the reader from the narrative.

--IMHO. (I'm still pretty new at this.)

 

[HappySpouse]

Let me preface this by saying there are multiple systems of grammar rules, and language is an art. Therefore all the systems will never agree, and in non-formal writing, the conventions of the day are a better gauge than what edition of what style guide you have.

The first and third examples are fine. You can reword them to require past tense words if you want, but that would really change the speech pattern/rhythm. The second one does not work. In the first example using the ing allows you to forego a clunky conjunction. Likewise in the third, you would have to add some a phrase like “as it” that might stick out as unusually formal for your narrator.

The second one is more problematic . We honestly can’t offer a great solution because we would have to guess if the narrator is still unsure, as they are telling the story, or if they were just unsure at that point in the story. Assuming (my guess) it’s the latter, you would either have to change to past tense, or you could have the character speak the line, as is, in the past. Also, I would drop the first “already”, but that’s just me.