help with erection problems!

[pepsiman_607]

Hello, im 18 years old and i have a question. Me and my girlfriend have been having sex for about 2 years now and just recently i lost an erection during sex. Now the past 3 times we've tried having sex i cant keep my mind off of it and i cant get a good erection going at all! I know everyone keeps telling me to "keep my mind off of it" but i just cant get it out of my mind. Does anyone have any help or any similiar situations? Please help its killing me that i cant please her =\ ! Thanks guys

 

[boston_bbw]

Your 18? Welcome to the real world.. this is one of several you will have in life. Get over it and move on. The sooner the better off you will be. It's normal for it to happen from time to time.

 

[Quoll]

The next time you have sex, don`t. Play , but know beforehand that you will not have intercourse.
Just cuddle, play, fondle, kiss, lick, suck everything but sex. Have fun pleasuring each other.
If you get an erection well and good just don`t use it.
You may have to do this a few times until you lose the anxiety. Or you can do it just because it is a great way to learn that intercourse is just one part in the whole act.

 

[pepsiman_607]

thanks for not being like the guy before...ill try that, sounds like a good idea

 

[taolanes]

there's some muscle you could train for that. REALLY improves your stanima, and most girls don't know about it. It's the same muscle you use when you purposely try to stop peeing. Use that a lot, and don't freak yourself out about it, and you are fine

 

[nycphoto]

Rent or buy a good porn flick, masturbate at home until you cum. If you can't get an erection on your own see a doctor. It might be pycological or pysical. If you can well then you have a performance issue with your girl friend. If she is into you, you both can work it out. If she is pushy or she is the root cause of you problem then seek outside help.

 

[pepsiman_607]

even masturbating i cant get a good rock hard erection like I use to be able to...like last week..i dunno wut my problem is

 

[pepsiman_607]

i had no problem holding a erection a week ago, can there be a physical condition that just started occuring?im so confused!

 

[phoenix1224]

Are you a smoker?

 

[pepsiman_607]

no never, i wish i was so i could solve this, its ripping me apart 24/7 i love her so much and i just want to please her, i mean i can still do oral and stuff but i know she wants sex even know shes tryin to help me out with this in a nice way...i know its in my head, but i just cant stop thinking about it =\ How can i get my fricken head off of this and move on

 

[LadyJeanne]

What about alcohol? Sometimes drinking too much makes it difficult to maintain an erection.

 

[pepsiman_607]

very rarely do i drink alcohol...maybe at a party or somethign

 

[EJFan]

The next time you have sex, don`t. Play , but know beforehand that you will not have intercourse.
Just cuddle, play, fondle, kiss, lick, suck everything but sex. Have fun pleasuring each other.
If you get an erection well and good just don`t use it.
You may have to do this a few times until you lose the anxiety. Or you can do it just because it is a great way to learn that intercourse is just one part in the whole act.

this is the best advice there is so far.

i believe the more you try to NOT think about it, the harder it's going to be to keep your mind off it. it's just like if you tell yourself to stop thinking about pink elephants... next thing you know, that's all you can get in your head.

i guess the point i want to make is that you'll find yourself better off if you get into a groove where you're just going with the flow and not working toward a goal. if you eliminate the psychological reasons (like when the problem resumes when you think about it too much) then maybe consult a cock-doc.

i have a hunch that it's just in your head though. do what quoll said.

 

[pepsiman_607]

I cant even get an erection on my own now cuz i can not stop thinking about it even on my own now, wut can i do!

 

[Lynxie]

Calm down and don't worry about it. I think if you follow quoll's advice, you'll be back to normal in no time. Talk to your girlfriend - tell her quoll's idea. I bet she'll like it.

The next few times you're with your girl, don't have intercourse. In fact, make it your goal not to have an orgasm. Concentrate on the other aspects of lovemaking - kissing, touching, pleasing your girlfriend - but not the climax. I'd be willing to bet that after a few sessions of hot and heavy foreplay without "needing" to cum, you'll be back in action and erect as ever.

If the problem persists, you may want to consider seeing your doctor about it - if you truly think it may be a psychological thing, your doc could refer you to someone professional to talk to.

 

[pepsiman_607]

its just my mind is so over-ruling of my body, like if i feel like im getting sick, the next day i will physically be sick, and my mind doesnt get off of things like this...i need to be like hypnotised(sp?)
=\ this stinks

 

[LadyJeanne]

its just my mind is so over-ruling of my body, like if i feel like im getting sick, the next day i will physically be sick, and my mind doesnt get off of things like this...i need to be like hypnotised(sp?)
=\ this stinks

You don't need to be hypnotized. You need to practice focusing your mind on other things besides your erection. In fact, you need to stop thinking entirely and focus on feeling...the softness of your girlfriend's skin, the sweet sounds she makes when you stroke her nipples, the silky wetness inside her, the scent of her hair when you kiss her neck, the taste of her lips, the sight of her spread thighs...

Quoll's advice to play with your girlfriend without the goal of penetration is spot on. Immerse yourself in your woman and your cock will follow. Have you had a chance to try that yet?

 

[mirrors2]

How busy has your life been, recently? Stress can do all sorts of crazy things to a person's body and health...

 

[fergus4]

Yes,

It is an interesting downward spiral isn't it?

You probably have stress in life (likely money....the other Wiccans on this thread will go on and on about how the money chakra is tied to your potency etc, etc.)

Anyway, you are probably stressed. And now you are stressed about your performance. Which makes you more stressed because you can't perform well. Which makes you more stressed.

"Don't think about it!" the advice is true, but not given well.

QUICK! Don't think about green elephants!

....too late.

Okay, now for the practicle advice (I hope).

One: A trip to the doc is not a bad idea. At least you will be able to find out if it is physical or psychological. Good info to know.

If it is physical, the doc will know just what to do and you won't have to be so worried.

Psychological? Well, the doc might say "relax, don't think about it"

Not quite good enough. My advice is do not just "not think about it"....DO something. Something else for awhile.

Try to discover what is stressing you (probably finances) and work on that for a while. Take some "me" time. Pick up an old hobby. See a friend. Read a book. Spend q-time with your partner.

About your partner....I am sure you and your partner have already started to talk about it. Keep it up. Talk about your needs, fears, wants, etc. Let your partner know that you need some time to get to the root of this. Learn to please your partner in other ways (sexually and non-sexually). This is a good chace to find some things out about each other in other areas.

BELIVE ME! In time, a very short time, the problem will have disappeared and you won't even know just when that occured.

fergus

 

[Ravin the Poet]

Another suggest, Actually try what people say before coming back here and posting another "i can't keep my mind off it" speech because we know.

I will tell you, I am 19 and nothing gets me ready then just the thought of kissing or touching a beautiful women. Me thinks this could be a possible ego problem. Not as much as you want to please your girlfriend, but rather please yourself. Because as others have stated, you don't need to put it in to have great sex.

A few candles, nice mood, just you and her, believe me you won't have time to even think about it.

Ravin

 

[SweetErika]

no never, i wish i was so i could solve this, its ripping me apart 24/7 i love her so much and i just want to please her, i mean i can still do oral and stuff but i know she wants sex even know shes tryin to help me out with this in a nice way...i know its in my head, but i just cant stop thinking about it =\ How can i get my fricken head off of this and move on

I may get dirty looks from men and women alike for this, but I'm going to tell you anyway...
The way most women make a big deal about intercourse and the male genitalia is usually an exaggeration of how they really feel. We know how much stock you put in the little guy and his performance, so we praise him and tell you how essential he is frequently. We know that makes you feel loved, needed, and like a big stud. We try to "help you out" because we know impotence is a big blow to your ego, and frequently think we're doing something wrong. The reality is that intercourse feels great and we genuinely love and delight in your member and erection, but neither is as important as we make it out to be.

So why am I telling you this? Because you seem to believe that an erection is necessary to TRULY pleasure your gf, and that's likely not the case. If penile-like penetration was her top priority, you probably would have invested in a several dildos for her pleasure. Take Quoll's (and others) advice, and make sure you tell her this has nothing to do with her, and the goal is to make eachother feel good, not to have an erection or sex. Apart from the obligatory making you feel wanted, I doubt she'll complain about giving and receiving non-intercourse pleasure (if she does, you may want to reconsider your relationship). Perhaps you could even use some restraints and a blindfold to focus on the feelings. In short, turn the situation into something positive and take the opportunity to experience and learn!

 

[oddity83]

More than one way to get the "job" done. Go oral for awhile. Should take your mind off the problem.

 

[dreamer626]

I may get dirty looks from men and women alike for this, but I'm going to tell you anyway...
The way most women make a big deal about intercourse and the male genitalia is usually an exaggeration of how they really feel. We know how much stock you put in the little guy and his performance, so we praise him and tell you how essential he is frequently. We know that makes you feel loved, needed, and like a big stud. We try to "help you out" because we know impotence is a big blow to your ego, and frequently think we're doing something wrong. The reality is that intercourse feels great and we genuinely love and delight in your member and erection, but neither is as important as we make it out to be.

So why am I telling you this? Because you seem to believe that an erection is necessary to TRULY pleasure your gf, and that's likely not the case. If penile-like penetration was her top priority, you probably would have invested in a several dildos for her pleasure. Take Quoll's (and others) advice, and make sure you tell her this has nothing to do with her, and the goal is to make eachother feel good, not to have an erection or sex. Apart from the obligatory making you feel wanted, I doubt she'll complain about giving and receiving non-intercourse pleasure (if she does, you may want to reconsider your relationship). Perhaps you could even use some restraints and a blindfold to focus on the feelings. In short, turn the situation into something positive and take the opportunity to experience and learn!

I completely agree with you on this one, I like what most people would consider foreplay better I suppose i like the attention that goes along with it.

 

[SweetErika]

I completely agree with you on this one, I like what most people would consider foreplay better I suppose i like the attention that goes along with it.

Exactly. I'm not going to discount sex, but if/when my guy has erection issues, as long as he shows the same amount of interest and is willing to explore other options, I'll be a happy camper. In fact, a few years ago we didn't have sex for a period of time, and it really helped us focus on sheer pleasure and connect on other levels.

 

[Quoll]

I may get dirty looks from men and women alike for this, but I'm going to tell you anyway...
The way most women make a big deal about intercourse and the male genitalia is usually an exaggeration of how they really feel. We know how much stock you put in the little guy and his performance, so we praise him and tell you how essential he is frequently. We know that makes you feel loved, needed, and like a big stud. We try to "help you out" because we know impotence is a big blow to your ego, and frequently think we're doing something wrong. The reality is that intercourse feels great and we genuinely love and delight in your member and erection, but neither is as important as we make it out to be.

So why am I telling you this? Because you seem to believe that an erection is necessary to TRULY pleasure your gf, and that's likely not the case. If penile-like penetration was her top priority, you probably would have invested in a several dildos for her pleasure. Take Quoll's (and others) advice, and make sure you tell her this has nothing to do with her, and the goal is to make eachother feel good, not to have an erection or sex. Apart from the obligatory making you feel wanted, I doubt she'll complain about giving and receiving non-intercourse pleasure (if she does, you may want to reconsider your relationship). Perhaps you could even use some restraints and a blindfold to focus on the feelings. In short, turn the situation into something positive and take the opportunity to experience and learn!

Yep, was going to suggest the blindfold and restraints coupled with a massage, again not necessarily focusing on sex.

Sweet Erika, OMG well you have ruined it for me, you mean to say that when she screams no, no, no more, she means it.

Think about it pepsiman, a good night in bed is actually about 90-95 % not intercourse, sure if I could endlessly loop like they do in pornos it might be a different story.

With the exception of a quickie, if my wife had to make the choice between intercourse only or everything else, intercourse would be gone. 5% vs 95%