Help with a possible fantasy?

[spazcoin]

Hey everyone. My wife and I have been married for a little over a year now (together for over seven years) and for a long time it has been my fantasy to have a MMF. Recently I have been talking dirty during sex about this and she seems really into it . But, at the same time I'm worried. I know this will change our relationship forever. Whether in a good or bad way remains to be seen. Im looking for people with REAL EXPERIENCE on the subject to maybe give me a little advice or share how it effected there relationships (both positive and negative).Also some ways to help to ease her into turning this fantasy of ours into real life if we should decide to do it. I'm trying to make an informed decission on if this is something we can handle or if it's something that should remain a fantasy. Sorry about the gramar/spelling, I posted this with my phone my and it dosent have spell check. Any help is appreciated,

Thank you,
Spaz

 

[DPprettyPLEASE]

I believe it is a beautiful thing if u find the perfect agreement point between ur wife and you. Make sure all details are worked out before hand and rules are set and understood fully between the two of u. Always leave some stuff just between ur wife and you, and be understanding if you all find yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Have fun? Let me know if want any more advice or have any questions. I'm a married women that gets to participate in mfm threesomes all the time! I'm not gonna lie is was a bumpy beginning but once we found our level we were smooth sailing.

U both should consider your jealousy level. If either are u are insecure or jealous this won't work. U have to be able to fully enjoy it or it will rip u apart

 

[Experiencedguy]

If (and only if) your wife brings it up, then talk about it. You have planted the thought in her head. Don't go any farther. Yes, you are right, if it works it is great. But, this has also ended many more marriages than it has enhanced.

What about the bi aspects? Would this be a turn on or off for the both of you??? In any mixed threesome, two of the people involved must be (at least somewhat) bi.

Good luck in whatever your decision. Hope it is the right one for both of you.

 

[bibethhotwet]

Even though I was bi and we had engaged in a number of MFF situations for the first few years of our marriage we had not done the MFM situation until after several years had passed. Actually it was my husband who initiated the idea one night while we were having sex watching a porn of a woman with two men. I had no idea it was a fantasy of his though it was an unspoken one of mine. We discussed it on and off for some time and without getting into a complex story found the first initial "right guy". We have been fine from it ever since and have engaged in numerous MFM sessions.

Of course until you are in the moment you won't know for sure 100 percent. We have known couples that tried it and realized it wasn't for them. That of course is ok too. Biggest thing is don't PUSH her into something she does not want to do if you value your marriage.

As was said before, set limits on what is and is not allowed. For example in our case anal sex is reserved for my husband only. He is the only man who has ever been back there and is his private property. Take things slow and easy and you may find this to be something that expands your sexual horizons.

 

[Fire_Star]

I like to add jealousy of any type will spoil this. Ground rules should be set and adhered to. Rules can change, but you both need to agree to them

Like has been said.. You planted the seed let it grow or let it die. It's in her hands now.

 

[spazcoin]

If (and only if) your wife brings it up, then talk about it. You have planted the thought in her head. Don't go any farther. Yes, you are right, if it works it is great. But, this has also ended many more marriages than it has enhanced.

What about the bi aspects? Would this be a turn on or off for the both of you??? In any mixed threesome, two of the people involved must be (at least somewhat) bi.

Good luck in whatever your decision. Hope it is the right one for both of you.

I wouldnt mind the bi thing but I know she wouldnt like it so I would'nt do it.I just love to make her cum over and over (she squirts) so I want a second man to make her cum as many times as she can. Aboit a year ago she brought up the possibility of soft swinging with another couple (no partner dwap just two couples having sex on the same bed). I was thinking about bringing it up again and maybe the two of us goin on CL to find a military couple to play with. I hope everything works out and maybe we can have our MFM and then one day maybe a FMF . I just hope whatever we decide to to works out! Thank ya'll again for the help please fell free to share any tips, ideas, or stories that Ya'll want.

V/r

Spaz

 

[spazcoin]

I like to add jealousy of any type will spoil this. Ground rules should be set and adhered to. Rules can change, but you both need to agree to them

Like has been said.. You planted the seed let it grow or let it die. It's in her hands now.

I have no problems with jealousy, she is a little self concious though so I know we would have to ease into this lifestyle slowly, possibly over years. Untill she is fully comfortable with the idea it will have to remain a fantasy for to play with while making love.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Hey everyone. My wife and I have been married for a little over a year now (together for over seven years) and for a long time it has been my fantasy to have a MMF. Recently I have been talking dirty during sex about this and she seems really into it . But, at the same time I'm worried. I know this will change our relationship forever. Whether in a good or bad way remains to be seen. Im looking for people with REAL EXPERIENCE on the subject to maybe give me a little advice or share how it effected there relationships (both positive and negative).

I have a fair bit of experience with multiple-partner situations but it's pretty much all been in the context of a long-term poly relationship - not sure whether that's what you and your wife are looking at or if you're thinking more about a "one night" sort of thing.

It's hard to give advice because different people handle this sort of stuff very differently. I knew one guy who'd convinced himself he was fine with his girlfriend having other partners; when it actually happened, jealousy hit and he wouldn't admit it to himself, which ended up being pretty messy and painful for all concerned. I also know several others who really WERE fine with nonmonogamy, once they got past initial insecurities.

I don't know of a good way to tell in advance which of those you are; the best advice I can give is be honest with yourself and with your partner/s and don't be afraid to say things like "I need to slow down and process this for a while". (But don't abuse it.)

In any mixed threesome, two of the people involved must be (at least somewhat) bi.

Not necessarily. You can have a V-shaped MFM or FMF threesome with no attraction between the two ends of the 'V', as long as they're comfortable around one another.

 

[Eilan]

Sorry if I repeat any advice. I skimmed, and some posts were undecipherable, so. . .

I recommend that you talk about a threesome in a nonsexual setting if you haven't already done so. Sometimes people think [insert new sexual activity here] is hot in the heat of the moment, but they might be more ambivalent about that act at other times when the blood flow is directed toward the big brain. If she's not interested, I'd suggest letting it go for the time being. Nothing will turn her off or breed resentment faster than being "nagged" to fulfill your fantasy. She has to know how she'll benefit.

If she is interested, I'd recommend giving your wife free rein WRT partner selection. I'd also recommend meeting potential third parties for lunch or coffee in a public place before (and separate from) sexual encounters. Anyone who doesn't want to take this extra step isn't worth your time; fortunately, you'll be able to find plenty of men to take his place. Decide on ground rules as a group. Make sure to address STDs, birth control, jealousy, and what would happen in the event of an unintended pregnancy.

I underestimated how difficult separating love and sex would be. Everyone's wired differently, however, so YMMV. I also found that the reality was different from the fantasy, and not always in a good way. Expect people to misrepresent themselves.

Good luck!

 

[Tomahawk26]

I recommend that you talk about a threesome in a nonsexual setting if you haven't already done so. Sometimes people think [insert new sexual activity here] is hot in the heat of the moment, but they might be more ambivalent about that act at other times when the blood flow is directed toward the big brain.

If she is interested, I'd recommend giving your wife free rein WRT partner selection. I'd also recommend meeting potential third parties for lunch or coffee in a public place before (and separate from) sexual encounters.

I agree with both of these things--and if anyone is unsure of how they'll feel, it's always a good idea to ease into the activity, like going out dancing or to a club and seeing if her flirting in front of you is okay, then progress to touching/kissing... if you start to feel jealous or that it's not how you thought it would be for you, you can stop before you're in the middle of something that feels to big and too difficult to come back from.

Before proceeding with this fantasy in our relationship, my husband and I discussed it for years. The most important thing is making sure everyone is honest about what they want and how they feel. You both need to be able to express it if you're not comfortable, even if you think it's not what the other person wants to hear.

 

[lustatopia]

Eilan and Tomahawk, good advice.

I'm a bisexual guy who has had a lifetime of experience with women and every one of them that got involved with group sex with me was really very pro-active about it, if shy at first. They dated me knowing that I was sexually out there and I dated them because they were edgy too.

Likewise, I've had a number of girlfriends that were intrigued with the idea of MMF, but as a sexual fantasy not as a lifestyle...we didn't last long.

You see it all the time here at lit... A guy select a wife based upon a normal heterosexual courtship and then a couple years into the relationship decide he wants her to be hot vixen in a kinky group sex scene. I have seen loving couples grow together into more complex sexual arrangements, but for the most part this the exception, because if the marriage contract was originally based upon a monogamous sexual arrangement- if the kinky element wasn't there, at least as a major fantasy, from they very beginning, it's unlikely to ever develop.

The lesson here is to from the begin of the sexual relationship it is best to be honest about your sexual desires and even most kinky fantasies... If you do so then you'll always be in bed with people who share your fantasies.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

My biggest advice? Enjoy the journey and the fantasy along the way to the reality.

Second piece of advice? Be ready for things to change as you move forward. What looks and sounds good now may not be what looks and sounds good a year from now. Staying flexible is key.

I think experimenting with multiple partners (or any kinds of non-vanilla sexplay) can be an exceptionally healthy things for two partners to do, provided it begins with ample doses of pre-action communication, during the moment communication and follow-up communication. It can definitely bring the two of you closer together as you discuss your individual fantasies.

Have fun with it! Keep your sense of humor through-out and give yourselves the memories that make things hot in your 50's and 60's!

 

[spazcoin]

Thanks for the help yall. Ive thought about it and decided to keep it a fantasy foor now. I just bring it up every once in a while durring sex because its a fantasy we both like. If she wants to make it anything more I will let her make that deciscion. I have brought up the thought of having sex in the same room as another couple and she liked it so maybe its a start. If so awsome if not I love her so I wont push the issue...just encourage it. Lol.

 

[silverwhisper]

that sir is very wise.

we see a metric assload of threads here that more or less are "how do i get my wife into the idea of [fetish]?"

the truth is that ultimately, it will happen when both of you are open to the idea and discover an avenue within which you are both interested in exploring [fetish].

if/when you and your wife decide to explore this for reals, i do hope you'll come back to this thread and post an update.

ultimately, how to is really about sharing our experiences: hot, horny or otherwise. :>

ed