help...what to do

[dmariee329]

so here it goes..

im in a four year relationship with my co-worker who i love him but for years i have been wanted to be "dominated" so to say so i went online and started talking to the guy who is a :dom: and we had a lot in common and we started having :strong: feelings for each other but i have a boyfriend!

so anyways basically he stopped talking to me because i have a boyfriend and wants me to put all my attention towards him. (and because my boyfriend was "blocking" our communication")

i told my boyfriend about how i wanted to be dominated and he had no idea what that meant and he tried to do it but it was really working ... im starting to feel unattracted to him.... and i dont want it to be because i started talking ot a guy online and have strong feelings for its just crazy to me but it happened... im trying to get over it but i dont know what is right anymore

so i need some advice pleasee

 

[subwannabe]

As hard as your post was to read I have to at least congratulate you on being able to spell advice correctly. Way too many people can't seem to get it right between advice and advise. In any event, your solution is simple. You will probably not be happy long term with your current boyfriend unless he can come around and fulfill your needs. If that can't happen you simply need to find a boyfriend who is willing to dominate you. I would stay away from falling in love with a computer. The real McCoy is usually much better.

 

[twysted73]

True. BDSM is quite the pandora's box.
Once you've discovered that's what it was which has been that emptiness you've always felt inside you, it's almost impossible to put away.

You have an awareness you didn't have before meeting your coworker.
Unless you're willing to let it go and ignore your need for it and simply enjoy being with him, you'll have to make one of two choices.

Either convinve your boyfriend to let you be DOminated with rules that respect your relationship. Or....you let the boyfriend go in search of what you feel you can nolonger be without.

Either way, good luck to you. Exploration and realization of self is hardly ever an easy path to follow. But the rewards are immeasurable.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Of course if you drop your boyfriend you will have the added drama of having to work with him and him knowing about your desire to be dominated. Hopefully it wouldn't affect your work situation.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I think most of us have been in a situation more or less like this one in the course of our journey. It's pretty much a BDSM 101 merit badge.

In simpler times, it was called "finding someone who turned you on more than your boyfriend".

In my homewrecker days, I enjoyed being that dom very much. Watch out for that.

 

[mediocre]

I think most of us have been in a situation more or less like this one in the course of our journey. It's pretty much a BDSM 101 merit badge.

In simpler times, it was called "finding someone who turned you on more than your boyfriend".

In my homewrecker days, I enjoyed being that dom very much. Watch out for that.

Eh, homewrecker days, I called it my male slut era.

To the OP, no one can tell you what to do here. You have to figure out if you love your boyfriend enough to stay with him on your own. Or you have to figure out if he can grow into Domhood.

 

[FurryFury]

It comes down to this, what is most important to you? Getting your desires met or hanging on to this person in this relationship.

 

[Adakgirl]

i told my boyfriend about how i wanted to be dominated and he had no idea what that meant and he tried to do it but it was really working

I have a few questions for you.
What exactly did you tell your bf about how you wanted to be dominated?
Did you just tell him you want to be dominated and leave him hanging in the wind, unsure of how to dominate you?
Did you offer him information resources so he could read up on D/s relationships, Domination, ect?
Did you expect him to become an instant Dom and fulfill your need once you told him of it?
It's very unfair to tell someone you have been with for 4yrs that you all of a sudden want to be treated completely differently than he has treated you before.
Of course you are having strong feelings with this on-line self proclaimed Dominant man. He is your first exposure to Domination. Apparently you need that, but you maybe need to slow down a bit.
I suggest you back away from that on-line relationship and start learning about yourself in regards to being a submissive...and perhaps at the same time your bf can learn about Dominant behavior to find out if he can do that with you or not. You can't "make" him into a Dominant, but he may possess those traits and they are just waiting to be discovered and learned about.
As advised, you are much better off starting with real life stuff.

 

[NewTemptations]

You have been given some really good things to think about as far as both relationships and there is no easy answer. You need to do some soul searching and decide whether to step out of your safety zone (ie. boyfriend) and learn more about yourself. Be sure it's what you want and then be brave and follow through, whether that means staying with your boyfriend or exploring. Hope all goes well for you.

 

[satindesire]

(deleted)

 

[EasyDoesIt]

Wonderful insight

........
Listen honey, you can't just tell a man to Dom you and expect him to suddenly know everything about fireplay, bondage and flogging, etc, magically overnight. It's a learning process for everyone involved, and I can guarantee you that there isn't a single person in their right mind who thinks they know all they can know about BDSM.

........ Do you know how hard it is for a man who isn't basically -born- knowing they're a Dom to suddenly give up all his ideals about feminism, women's equal rights and yadda yadda yadda in order to get you off?

I had to explain to my Mister over and over again that him being my Dom wasn't him treating me like an automaton, a worthless sex object with no soul or a doormat...He didn't like the idea of hurting me physically either until I explained to him that the pain was similar to the rush he got when he gets tattooed!

Leading a man to future Dom-hood takes time, patience and constant learning and knowledge-seeking. Expecting him to know what you want over just a little tiny span of time is totally unrealistic.

There are so many resources out there...don't give him up just because you want to be a sub NOW.

Great words satindesire......that certainly mirrored the learning in my world.

People learn about BDSM gradually......just as they learn the basics of vanilla sex. Learning together, exploring little roleplay scenes together, can be great fun and incredibly erotic. New stuff usually is! Coaxing someone to explore and grow is a good thing.

The real life relationship gives you more opportunity but also requires more work. (If intimate erotic stuff can be called work?)

Good luck.

 

[trisquel_astur]

I agree with the posts above and I there goes my 2 cents...

BDSM is a travel more than a destination. Enjoy traveling or you will loose most of the best things of BDSM. The first flogger, the first spank, the first mail pack whit a new toy, corset or cuffs....

Tell him to visit us, here we have a lot of Lit...erature for beginners that may help, and a lot of people with experience to ask for advice and lots of nice and friendly people (with a kinky taste).

So enjoy the travel, sweetie, is always nice.

I'm still traveling!