Help! Tips for Finding Women?

[SweetErika]

Ladies, I need your help! I'm dying to experience women, but am having trouble finding and hooking up with them in real life. I've posted an ad on Lit...only men have responded. I've posted ads on other dating sites...again, a lot of men, a lot of couples, and a few women that didn't pan-out.

If you have any suggestions for meeting bi or curious women in Washington State (or where you've met them in your area), I would be greatful!

 

[BohemianEcstasy]

My reccomendation, if you're looking for a hook-up, would be to check out a gay (or lesbian, specifically, if you can find one) bar. It's an idea. I'm only 20, so I don't know that scene hardly at all, but...it's a possibility.

 

[SweetErika]

I'm not familiar with that scene either, but I guess it's a possibility. Thanks for the advice!

 

[Ms_Kat]

The three women I've made love with have all been good friends. How it got to that point is another story. There are enough lesbian stories on TV to bring up the conversation naturally enough. The tricky thing is to let them know your interested in a way that doesn't make them freak out and run.

The last of the three that I've experienced was pretty simple to get in bed. We were discussing the topic of homosexuality since our Priest had once again condemned it from the pulpit. She said, "I don't know if I could ever kiss a woman. They would have to be really hot or really close to me." Without thinking, I said, "That's been my experience, too."

The first one was very scary, but we were really good friends. In fact, she's the first friend I've ever had. She was unhappy with the "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am" husband she married and I was reading a book on swedish massage. Once she let me start touching her, neither of us wanted to stop, so we didn't.

I've never gone out to look for someone, so I can't really give you any advice on that. Good luck. I would guess that you might have better luck if you looked for a really good gf and let it grow. Even if it never gets sexual, you still have a really good friend.


Hugs,




Kat

 

[deezire1900]

Girl, come out with me...It's like Girls gone wild here.

Good Luck! I would recommend the BAR. Sorry, but that seems to be the best place.

 

[IWantCandy]

Girl, come out with me...It's like Girls gone wild here.

Good Luck! I would recommend the BAR. Sorry, but that seems to be the best place.

In Mpls? Where? We're from outer NW suburbs and don't even know where to begin...

**edited to add that I'm married and hubby and I are looking together for a woman to join us. A lot of the women we've met don't go for the involvement of a guy.

 

[SweetErika]

I've never gone out to look for someone, so I can't really give you any advice on that. Good luck. I would guess that you might have better luck if you looked for a really good gf and let it grow. Even if it never gets sexual, you still have a really good friend.

Thanks for the great advice ladies! It's good knowing my thread may have brought some Minnesotans together at least!

Kat, you're absolutely right about the friends first thing, and that's what I'm looking for. It would be helpful to find friends who already have the curiosity, but maybe I should stop looking for that. It seems like there are so many bi and curious women looking for eachother, but not many of us are actually getting together.

Question: Has anyone been to a gay/lesbian bar? I've gotten some pretty horrible comments about being bi from lesbians...do bi people get a warm reception at these places? (I'm not stereotyping or making a blanket judgment about all lesbians, just an observation about my personal experiences)

 

[alli_cat]

Thanks for the great advice ladies! It's good knowing my thread may have brought some Minnesotans together at least!

Kat, you're absolutely right about the friends first thing, and that's what I'm looking for. It would be helpful to find friends who already have the curiosity, but maybe I should stop looking for that. It seems like there are so many bi and curious women looking for eachother, but not many of us are actually getting together.

Question: Has anyone been to a gay/lesbian bar? I've gotten some pretty horrible comments about being bi from lesbians...do bi people get a warm reception at these places? (I'm not stereotyping or making a blanket judgment about all lesbians, just an observation about my personal experiences)

One of the reasons I chose to become publicly bi was so any friends that were curious would know they could talk to me about it! The girl I am currently enamoured of has been a friend for a while now, and still is - the chemistry is just an added bonus

But it's much harder to find someone to play with you both as a couple, we have found boys for 3somes but no ladies so far

I've never had anyone question my sexuality when I've been in a lesbian bar, I guess everyone assumes I'm gay if I'm there in the first place! But on the other hand, I wouldn't go around advertising that I was bi, as I have had negative responses about this previously. The main problem is that a lot of girls think you're only experimenting if you're bi, they don't take you seriously (and don't want to get hurt if you 'decide to go back to men'). I once had a huge crush on a girl who said she would never date me because I still liked men as well... she is now married to a guy and has two kids *lol* Its a funny old life!

DirkPryde posted this article in a different thread, but it also says some things about the whole lesbian/bisexual tension, quite interesting.
http://www.bimagazine.org/nonfict/pages/feature.html

 

[alli_cat]

Oops! Double post...

 

[SweetErika]

Yep, I've gotten a lot of the "You're just experimenting until you decide you can't hide the fact that you're really a lesbian" comments.

There's another strike against me too...I'm married, which is not easy to (nor would I ever want to) hide. Yikes!

 

[IWantCandy]

The married thing is a huge issue here. I don' t think I would have had any trouble finding a girl on my own. It just sucks because I've been bi-curious feels like forever and never really had the opportunity to act on it. It's definitely an itch that really needs to be scratched right now.

 

[SweetErika]

I hear you Candy! Even though I don't want my husband to be involved, it's tough being married with this desire. I would probably have better luck if I was looking for a 3some, but that feels intimidating right now (plus my husband wouldn't go for it, and I don't want anything to do with another man). I suspect it's the same for most women.

You might do better if you looked for women who want experiences alone, then after you're more comfortable with eachother, you could broach the subject of the 3some? If she's game, great, and if she's not, nothing lost. Just a guess from my perspective.

 

[purpleflower]

The married thing is a huge issue here. I don' t think I would have had any trouble finding a girl on my own. It just sucks because I've been bi-curious feels like forever and never really had the opportunity to act on it. It's definitely an itch that really needs to be scratched right now.

Hi Candy

Have you thought about another bi couple? My hubby and I are looking for another bi couple. I know exactly what you mean about an itch that needs to be scratched though. I have a friend that I really like but haven't had the nerve to tell her yet.

purpleflower

 

[Guest]

Ladies, I need your help! I'm dying to experience women, but am having trouble finding and hooking up with them in real life. I've posted an ad on Lit...only men have responded. I've posted ads on other dating sites...again, a lot of men, a lot of couples, and a few women that didn't pan-out.

If you have any suggestions for meeting bi or curious women in Washington State (or where you've met them in your area), I would be greatful!

This is going to sound stupid, but don't knock it until you check it out for yourself. Apparently the grocery store is a great place to meet women, even when you're not actively looking to hook up with them! You're probably wondering why I say this. Well, every so often (and no, I haven't been going there with the intention of hooking up with anyone) a woman will come up to me, compliment me on my hair, or ask me about something I'm buying, and it turns out that she drops her name, whether or not she has kids, what she does for a living, that she's "lonely", etc.--all the types of things people looking to meet someone will mention. Basically, women have tried to pick me up at the grocery store. I don't know why it keeps happening (as it doesn't usually happen to me anywhere else). But it seems to be a hot spot. So whenever you go grocery shopping keep your eyes open. If any women start conversations with you you just might find someone to hook up with. Just a suggestion.

 

[Guest]

I am so glad I found this thread! Here's my question: it's hard and I have to admit a little awkward for me to think about the bar thing with two small children and also because of my age (38). How do you find women in similar situations, without getting involved in 3-somes or threatening someone's marriage?

I kinda liked the grocery store idea. Has it worked for anyone?

 

[Guest]

I am so glad I found this thread! Here's my question: it's hard and I have to admit a little awkward for me to think about the bar thing with two small children and also because of my age (38). How do you find women in similar situations, without getting involved in 3-somes or threatening someone's marriage?

I kinda liked the grocery store idea. Has it worked for anyone?

Well, if I had not already been with someone, the grocery store certainly would've worked for me, or at least it would've allowed me to date some friendly women. I'll never really know for sure, since I'm not looking for anyone and therefore didn't date anyone. But the type of women who approached me in the grocery store seemed like nice people. That is to say, they didn't seem sleazy or like they were just looking for a one nighter. They seemed like they were sincerely looking for someone interested in a serious relationship. And quite a few of them were moms, and they were up front about that.

 

[SweetErika]

Now that you mention it Xtaabay, I have been approached by women in the store. I don't know if they were looking to start something or just being neighborly, but it might be a good place to keep an open mind at. Thanks!

Here's a question: What signals does a woman send when she's trying to pick you up/start something? I've been out of the dating world too long to remember what I did with men. Do women send eachother different signals?

 

[Angel]

I hate being randomly hit on in public to the point that I've slowly evolved into giving off a constant "If you talk to me I'll fucking kill you" vibe whenever I'm alone.

I blame men, who always tried the same tired corny pick up lines to the point that I just wanted to be single, and left alone

I always tended to get hit on by females when I was out with people who are obvious hits on the gay-dar - even if that person is a gay male. Maybe they figured that since I was with that person, if I WASNT interested in other women, I wouldn't react as negatively.

I still hate being hit on randomly in public.

 

[Guest]

Now that you mention it Xtaabay, I have been approached by women in the store. I don't know if they were looking to start something or just being neighborly, but it might be a good place to keep an open mind at. Thanks!

Here's a question: What signals does a woman send when she's trying to pick you up/start something? I've been out of the dating world too long to remember what I did with men. Do women send eachother different signals?

Well, I've been out of the dating world for a long time too, but I figure that any woman who walks up to you, gives you a compliment, and then proceeds to casually mention how often she comes to X place, when, what she does for a living, whether she has children, what her interests are, and then ends all that with "How about you?" and a big smile is probably looking for a relationship. Women who smile, compliment you on something, and then slip you a phone number are usually looking for a quick fling. As for flirting... well... I don't know. Maybe it's the area I'm living in, but no one seems to be much for flirting around here. Seems like they're all pretty darned direct about what they're after. The women here don't waste any time dancing around things, it seems. Sometimes that can be... well... downright intimidating. But the advantage is that you know exactly what they are looking for, and if you or they are not interested then the whole thing is dropped immediately. It's kind of "this is the way it is so take it or leave it" attitude around here. But I suspect this might be a regional thing.

p.s.
Most likely the women who approached you in the store were NOT just being neighborly. Most women who are grocery shopping are quite busy, and don't bother to take the time to be neighborly. So if they take the time to talk to you, chances are good that it's because they're interested. But that's here on the East coast, where everyone seems busy and overworked all the time. I imagine there are other places where perhaps people actually are neighborly.

 

[SweetErika]

I've heard the WNBA has a huge bi and lesbian fan base...I might have to start going to those games!

 

[lovelylisa]

Note to self: Wear makeup when going to grocery store.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Note to self: Wear makeup when going to grocery store.

Note to you: you don't need no stinkin make-up..

as for the other..I have met potential partners at the corner store, my job, the bar, basketball games and the like. Just keep your eyes and ears open. True th marriage thing might throw of some chicks..especially chicks that are not the least bit interested in men but you never know.

pet

 

[lovelylisa]

Note to you: you don't need no stinkin make-up..


pet

LOL thanks but you should have seen me the last time I went to the store!

I had no idea the possibilities there

 

[Guest]

she's right...

you don't need make-up. I never wear any, and I get hit on by women at least once every other week, maybe more--and the corker is that I'm not even looking to meet up with any! I keep wondering where they all were back when I WAS actually looking for them. Darnit, darnit, darnit!

Go without make up. They'll talk to you no matter what. I promise you that. The types of women one meets in a grocery store are usually ones who are not interested in games, or displays of wealth or beauty or anything else. They are quite real, and expect others to be quite real with them. Basically, they know what they want and they're "all business" about it (if you'll forgive me for using the New Jersey term). They don't mess around when they're looking for someone, so make-up means nothing to them.

 

[lovelylisa]

Re: she's right...

. They are quite real, and expect others to be quite real with them. Basically, they know what they want and they're "all business" about it (if you'll forgive me for using the New Jersey term). They don't mess around when they're looking for someone, so make-up means nothing to them.

Din't mind the Jersey term? I'm from Jersey! I'm just joking is all...I may (or may not have) looked pretty haggard when I went to the store is all.