help, please

[Guest]

I really need some good advice on this one. I am 46, divorced father of two girls. My problems started when my girls started being young women - I never lusted after them, but I did start noticing their friends' curves and shapes.
Now, at the other end, those girls are budding and are starting to get in heat. Couple of them were openly flirting with me, which wasn't too surprising to me considering very open and friendly relationship I have with my daughters (that's the reason they stayed with me and not with their mom). I have to add that I am goodloking, in my opinion.
So, as you can guess by now, IT happened. I had sex with one of those girls, and it happened more than once. I don't need preaching about wrongfulness of my act, I am aware of that, but I need an advice on how to stop this little affair.
The reason it happened in first place is quite obvious to me now. I just needed sex. For years I've had difficulties finding spare time for a relationship, between raising my daughters and my everyday job. It would just take too much effort after a long day to go out (alone?) and meet women. Now, this girl was basically offering herself, and after one pool party we just did it. So, once I touched heaven (sex with her was really, really good - much to my surprise) and with her being kind of pushy, it was bound to happen again.
I realise how wrong it is. May I add that I never promised her anything and I know she doesn't expect anything from me except sex. Still, I want to try and handle it carefully, at least to do something right.
Oh, and one more thing, just to clear that out - this girl is not a minor! Thank God!
Thank you all for serious responses.

Worried

 

[perks]

so she's legal and you're legal and you both enjoy it and there are no strings attached?

Ummm, what seems to be the problem?




PS. this reads like porn, btw.

 

[red_rose]

If she's not a minor, you don't have to worry about legal issues.

I'm not going to preach - you know that what you're doing isn't right.

So... why not just put a stop to it? Tell her it can't continue? Tell her that you shouldn't have acted on your impulses and that this can't continue.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

well, there is always social stigma going with a relationships with such a difference in age. The other problem is that "this is not me". I did act by my primal instincts, but that's what differs us from animals. Moral and social norms...
What do you mean by "this reads like porn"? If you doubt the truthfulness of it, that's understandable. But let me tell you, it does happen, it happened to me, I just think people don't want to talk about it when it happens.
Thanks for your reply.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

thanks red rose!

Yeah, you know, although raising two girls did give me some experience, I am still worried about handling this right. I guess you are right. I just need to stop it, be firm, and hope everything will be ok. Thanks again.

 

[Guest]

yayati

... and you are doing what on this board?

 

[YogiBare]

Unreg., I think that the solution to your problem is pretty simple, actually.

Talk with her and tell her pretty much what you've said here. You've made a mistake. (Take full responsibility and don't blame her.) You're ending it because having sex with someone so young is not right for you. (Point out the strong likelihood of her getting hurt, and your daughter getting hurt, if the relationship were to continue.) She is a very attractive and very enjoyable lover. You will not be sexually involved with her again.

She may try to seduce you once she realizes what you are doing. Don't let it happen.

Do everything you can to help her to come out of this with her self-esteem intact.

 

[LukkyKnight]

~LOL~
Ignore yayati, the rest of us do.

If it's time to stop, it's time to stop. Do it. Posting the question is indicative that you're aware this is the course of action you want to follow, be respectful and honest and savor the memory.

 

[Guest]

Yogi

I couldn't agree with you more. I think I just needed a word of encouragement from people like you, perky and red rose. The biggest problem in this, as I see it and you saw it too, is the possibility of her being hurt. I hope I will be careful enough not to let that happen.
As I said I am taking full responsibility, it was me who shouldn't let this happen in first place.
Thanks Yogi for your response.

 

[Guest]

Thank you all, thanks Lukky. I never thought I would post anything on Literotica

 

[LukkyKnight]

So register, and come flirt here. We have many of the coolest ladies on the planet to keep you company here...

 

[perks]

I don't see anything wrong with it.

If you don't want to be with her, then don't be with her. Unless it's for legal reasons, communication reasons, or something similar, age just isn't an issue for me and I don't think it should be.

Why turn away companionship, love, fun? Lots of people never get it at all.

That being said, it's obvious you're done with the situation. I just wouldn't use age or morality as an excuse when you're ending things with her.

I'd tell her that you want something more than passing and you wouldn't feel comfortable searching for something while playing with her. She needs to find her life and experience it before making a choice like that. And you need to be able to be free to look for someone to grow old with.

That is the reason, not the age gap.

 

[just pet]

Young lovers have a tendency to fall in love easily, confusing lust and love. I can see that you will release her gently, but be prepared, she may be crushed. What we say is not always what we feel. The advice here is very good. Reflect on the real reasons you are done. If you are really clear about why you are ending it, it will help both of you.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

As the single father who has a young daughter and who dedicated much of his life to her, I can understand where you are coming from. I used to have a problem with being attracted to anybody who was my daughter's age or younger (she is now 28), but it gradually occured to me that as she gets older, there are going to be more and more women her age and younger. Then I met a few women here her age and younger, and that pretty much abolished any misgivings I had about young women (I am 48). I still have reservations, but from the young women I have met on Lit., and a few other places, I know that there are some young ladies out there who are very mature (more mature in many ways than my 45 year old ex-wife), highly intelligent, beautiful and just all around fun to be with.

The stigma of society is changing, but you are my generation, and you may still have friends and family who would look down their noses at you for your relationship with this young woman, so I would be careful, but primarily look to your own happiness, and if they can't handle it, they can't handle it. Live your own life.

At the same time, you didn't exactly pin down this young lady's age - by minor do you mean she is older than the age of consent (16-18), old enough to vote (18), or she is older than 21? There have been a lot of threads here about age differences and how young different people would go, but most young people under 21 really haven't had the chance to grow up completely yet. So I would have to ask, where are you going with this relationship? If you just want someone to have sex with, then I would make sure she feels the same way. Does she have other relationships? Does she date other people?

 

[perks]

well said, STG, well said.

 

[YogiBare]

Yogi

I couldn't agree with you more. I think I just needed a word of encouragement from people like you, perky and red rose. The biggest problem in this, as I see it and you saw it too, is the possibility of her being hurt. I hope I will be careful enough not to let that happen.
As I said I am taking full responsibility, it was me who shouldn't let this happen in first place.
Thanks Yogi for your response.

You're welcome, Unreg., and good luck. Please do let us know how it works out.

I want to second LukkyKnight's suggestion that you register here. You'd make a great addition!

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Alright, here goes my two cents:

When I was 19, I slept with a 47 year old man. I was legal, he was legal, we'd gotten to know each other over the internet, and things were cool between us. There was no pressure, and we both wanted it so we went for it. It only happened once (I met someone and have since fallen in love, and he's happy for me), but I know that, had I remained single, he and I would have repeated the performance. I have no guilt over it, he has no guilt over it, and since then, we've become rather good friends. We go for lunch and coffee, we go bowling, we hang out with my bf and my best friend... we just.. we've gotten through the age barrier and have become close. I know that, if I was single now, I'd lust after him again, but that's not the case.

THe only problem I see with YOUR situation, is that this girl is one of your daughter's friends. That will make it really awkward for your daughter if she were to find out, and it would hurt her to know that you've done something like this. You know it has to be broken off, so just tell the girl that it has to end, and that you'd appreciate it if it were kept quiet.

 

[Guest]

STG, perky_baby, Lukky, just pet, Yogi

Thank you for finding some time to respond. It looks to me like you really understand my position, and I just couldn't leave this board (for now, hopefully) without replying.
Maybe I should say first that the young lady is 20. You are right, it's hard to determine one's maturity by age. From what I know so far, she is quite mature and intelligent as most of my daughter's friends are (I am really proud of that, can you tell?).
You probably missed one thing or I haven't made it clear - I am not looking for anything in this relationship, in fact, I am trying to end it with as little pain inflicted as possible.
As for difference in age, I didn't bring that up in my original post, because it's not my primary concern. Just like you said, with every day my girls grow older and there are more and more women that are of their age and even younger. I mentioned it talking about social stigma and people not willing to accept this kind of relationship.
Speaking of that, perky_baby, I wish it's as simple as you make it. No, the age difference is not something I would use as an argument and I never intended too. But with so many things around it, approach "why turn away companionship, love, fun?" doesn't work either. Just for the record, although I didn't want to talk about this - being alone with her was always great. Yes, it is sex mostly, but we do talk and she is smart and intelligent young woman. So, everything is fine in "me and her" world.
On the other hand, I cannot, and I don't want to use double standards here. I am a parent - I have to ask myself how would I feel if my daughter was in a situation like that? Or, to be more provocative (without any intention to be mean), how would you feel perky_baby if that was your kid? It's just hard to accept that, for most people.
I am a man who made a mistake (in my opinion), and I am trying to correct it as much as possible. We all sometimes make mistakes. It seems to me that this one just hit me because it is a sensitive issue. I am glad I found some understanding and good advice here. Honestly, I expected more bashing
Thank you again ladies and gentleman. I hope to talk to you again, as I intend to register.
God bless you all.

 

[Guest]

vixenshe

As I was writing my previous reply, you posted your message. Yes, you addressed one of the possible issues here - thank you for that. The fact is that I am least concerned with her reaction, because of relationship we have (my girls and I). It's a nice, but rather long story. So, yeah, although it is hot spot, that wouldn't be the problem. Thanks.