pandoravampire
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2004
- Posts
- 284
Long story short. LTR of 2 yrs 24/7 D/s. Very loving. Then one w/e my ex takes my daughter for the weekend, and never brings her back. He'd taken her interstate. I dont have enough money for a solicitor, it ran out at the beginning of the fight, im not entitled to legal aid either as im not a citizen. A cramer vs cramer situation ensues, and still ensues to this day. Because my daughter was torn between who she wanted to be with, mummy or daddy, My Dom suggests we move nearer her. That way, his submissive will be happier, ergo, happy sub, happy Dom. Such a loving thing to do, and a example of how good a Dom he was then.
We rented our house out, and move interstate too to be nearer her, and take her out of the having to 'chose parents' scenario her father had placed her in.
I found a great job, my Dom didnt. He found a filler job, as we now had some debts from the move, plus more legal fees ahead to come.
Our D/s mojo went awol. For many obvious reasons. We'd start to play, it'd go badly. He began drinking daily. We are doing our best with this crap. Communicating and trying to support each other through a really tough time.
Then one night, my Dom, cracks up. Falls in a heap. A sobbing heap. He acts really weird too, he hid under the bed! I dont give a shit about the D/s, supporting someone you love, is part of a loving relationship. So i patch him up, support him best i can. And he comes out of that. Deeply ashamed of his 'lack of control' part though. This really really shocked me. Coaxing your Dom out from hiding under the bed, is not something you think your gonna have to deal with is it?
But our move has meant many losses to my Dom and life partner. He works in a dead end job for now, his career is on hold. He has always lived with a extended family, now its just me. He's losing so much weight, its not healthy, he's depressed. We start to row for the first time. His mental health is definately wobbly to say the least.
Night before last, we are playing, and he hurts me. I let him know that he's hurting me, in not a good way, and he gets really nasty. I got called some awful names, just really bad row stuff. And i snap. All the anger and frustration comes out on both our parts. Words were said that should never of been said.
I can see that the strain of all this is cracking us up, and im worried that ill lose this. Yet im so tired of all the stress, i dont have the fight in me to carry on trying to save it anymore.
Now a day later, i feel like ive a lead balloon in my heart. Im losing everything it seems. We have 'made up' but ive told him i feel sorta numb, like a zombie. When he asked if i wanted to end it, all i could say is i cant take much more, i dont know?
Now he says hes scared that he's losing me, and im the most important person in his life. I am his littleone. Yet im beginning to feel that my Dom, is the 'littleone'.
The D/s is out of the window. For now, other things in life take priority anyhow. But after? Im not sure i can give up control to someone who is 'weak'. God that sounds hard of me i know. The drinking is a issue. Weve gone from promises of "ill not drink at all, ill show you i can do without it" from him. That lasted 4 days. Before i heard, im damned if im gonna let my submissive dictate if i can have a beer after work or not. So instead he tries to limit it to his days off. Drinking is a coping mechanism for him.
Ive several voices in my head,
voice one: get the fuck out of this doomed relationship.
voice two: i cant leave him he needs me.
voice three: we can get through this, if he'll just be a little stronger, for a little longer.
Fuck fuck fuck, my life seems fucked.
That probably seems really jumbled, but then, so is my head. There arent any kink friendly counsellors around here. Small town scenario. I cant talk to my mates, as they are not aware of the D/s aspect to our relationships, and i dont have any in this new town.
So here i am. Sounding like a screaming personality disordered needy bitch. IM not, im just in the middle of some bad soap opera for a life right now. and not of my chosing. I want out of it. Fast.
A part of me, wants to grab my daughter, and do exactly what my ex did to me and her back then, and if there werent a 10 yr old happiness involved, id do that, but id be doing the very same bad parenting that he showed. So i must stay and fight legally. The court will decide who wins. And because his new partner is a male, (yeah, it gets weirder and weirder) i will win.
What the hell am i supposed to do? Not the daughter bit, but with my relationship with a guy, i loved. This alcoholic, mentally ill health person ive ended up with?
pandoravampire
We rented our house out, and move interstate too to be nearer her, and take her out of the having to 'chose parents' scenario her father had placed her in.
I found a great job, my Dom didnt. He found a filler job, as we now had some debts from the move, plus more legal fees ahead to come.
Our D/s mojo went awol. For many obvious reasons. We'd start to play, it'd go badly. He began drinking daily. We are doing our best with this crap. Communicating and trying to support each other through a really tough time.
Then one night, my Dom, cracks up. Falls in a heap. A sobbing heap. He acts really weird too, he hid under the bed! I dont give a shit about the D/s, supporting someone you love, is part of a loving relationship. So i patch him up, support him best i can. And he comes out of that. Deeply ashamed of his 'lack of control' part though. This really really shocked me. Coaxing your Dom out from hiding under the bed, is not something you think your gonna have to deal with is it?
But our move has meant many losses to my Dom and life partner. He works in a dead end job for now, his career is on hold. He has always lived with a extended family, now its just me. He's losing so much weight, its not healthy, he's depressed. We start to row for the first time. His mental health is definately wobbly to say the least.
Night before last, we are playing, and he hurts me. I let him know that he's hurting me, in not a good way, and he gets really nasty. I got called some awful names, just really bad row stuff. And i snap. All the anger and frustration comes out on both our parts. Words were said that should never of been said.
I can see that the strain of all this is cracking us up, and im worried that ill lose this. Yet im so tired of all the stress, i dont have the fight in me to carry on trying to save it anymore.
Now a day later, i feel like ive a lead balloon in my heart. Im losing everything it seems. We have 'made up' but ive told him i feel sorta numb, like a zombie. When he asked if i wanted to end it, all i could say is i cant take much more, i dont know?
Now he says hes scared that he's losing me, and im the most important person in his life. I am his littleone. Yet im beginning to feel that my Dom, is the 'littleone'.
The D/s is out of the window. For now, other things in life take priority anyhow. But after? Im not sure i can give up control to someone who is 'weak'. God that sounds hard of me i know. The drinking is a issue. Weve gone from promises of "ill not drink at all, ill show you i can do without it" from him. That lasted 4 days. Before i heard, im damned if im gonna let my submissive dictate if i can have a beer after work or not. So instead he tries to limit it to his days off. Drinking is a coping mechanism for him.
Ive several voices in my head,
voice one: get the fuck out of this doomed relationship.
voice two: i cant leave him he needs me.
voice three: we can get through this, if he'll just be a little stronger, for a little longer.
Fuck fuck fuck, my life seems fucked.
That probably seems really jumbled, but then, so is my head. There arent any kink friendly counsellors around here. Small town scenario. I cant talk to my mates, as they are not aware of the D/s aspect to our relationships, and i dont have any in this new town.
So here i am. Sounding like a screaming personality disordered needy bitch. IM not, im just in the middle of some bad soap opera for a life right now. and not of my chosing. I want out of it. Fast.
A part of me, wants to grab my daughter, and do exactly what my ex did to me and her back then, and if there werent a 10 yr old happiness involved, id do that, but id be doing the very same bad parenting that he showed. So i must stay and fight legally. The court will decide who wins. And because his new partner is a male, (yeah, it gets weirder and weirder) i will win.
What the hell am i supposed to do? Not the daughter bit, but with my relationship with a guy, i loved. This alcoholic, mentally ill health person ive ended up with?
pandoravampire