Help needed

[CuriosityCanKill]

I have three stories that I've posted so far (along with a few yet to be put up).
I'm proud of them, but they're not getting the views and ratings I'm aspiring for. (The ratings aren't bad, but they aren't 4.5+)
So I'm asking for intelligent writers and readers to tell me what what I can improve on.
I know they're shorter than the average stories on here, and I plan on working on that. Also I usually read stories in genres much different from the ones I write for. I usually prefer reading Non-consent, but I write more romantic, love-infused stories. I know that what I read and what I write should be more similar, but does it appear that that is what's hurting me? Do my stories fit in with other one's in the genre? And/or should I switch to writing more of what I like to read?

If all these questions are too much, just tell me what I can I do to write a "hot" story? And please be honest with me. I promise I can take it.

---------------
Here are my stories:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=443594
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=492639
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=460136

And my profile, if that makes it easier:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1138528&page=submissions

 

[RunningJib]

Hmmmm ...

I have three stories that I've posted so far (along with a few yet to be put up).
I'm proud of them, but they're not getting the views and ratings I'm aspiring for. (The ratings aren't bad, but they aren't 4.5+)
So I'm asking for intelligent writers and readers to tell me what what I can improve on.
I know they're shorter than the average stories on here, and I plan on working on that. Also I usually read stories in genres much different from the ones I write for. I usually prefer reading Non-consent, but I write more romantic, love-infused stories. I know that what I read and what I write should be more similar, but does it appear that that is what's hurting me? Do my stories fit in with other one's in the genre? And/or should I switch to writing more of what I like to read?

If all these questions are too much, just tell me what I can I do to write a "hot" story? And please be honest with me. I promise I can take it.

You can take it? Lets see . . .

But first, please provide a link

 

[CuriosityCanKill]

You can take it? Lets see . . .

But first, please provide a link

Sorry. I edited my original post to provide the links.

 

[Kitkat103]

Have you considered placing your links in your signature. My story has 7000+ views and it has only been a week. I keep the link in my sig. and I use the playground alot so lurkers and playmates can see the link and read the story.

 

[RunningJib]

Good

Dear Curiosity,

I've read your three stories. Over all, each is well written.

I have some concerns about "Three months in One Day." As you have stated, you want a hotter story. If so, your writing will need to be more passionate and graphic.

As an example:

• "You push me against the wall . . . " this sounds like historical fiction. Consider a more present tense such as "Push me against the wall . . . "

• "your hand presses against my flat stomach and moves up to my neck to bring me in for another kiss" May I ask what happened in between your belly and neck? As a suggestion, you could provide some detail of how he played w/ your breasts

• Ditto Twelve Months. First paragraph we find "twelve goddamn months," but other than "She kept them tight as she pushed down half his length" there are very few details and absolutely nothing graphic. You mention his weight gain, new scars, etc., but what about the rim of his cock, its' ridges and veins. Paint a picture that give us pause

On the other hand, "How It's Supposed to Be" is very well written. More to the point, your word choice and tone are appropriate to the theme. After all, a first time for two virgins, you don't expect to to see fur flying--neither do we expect to hear about multiple positions and other devices.

What I like about your writing is that it is very consistent. Further, it is consistent with your various postings. Meaning, you are writing from your perspective and there is nothing wrong with that. After all, while everyone quotes Shakespeare, is that you?

Please continue to write. Meanwhile, don't beat yourself up over your ratings

 

[PacoFear]

If all these questions are too much, just tell me what I can do to write a "hot" story?

That's a toughie CCK. It's rather like asking how to write any good story. Where to begin? Interesting characters? Realistic dialogue? Poetic description? A little, but not too much plot? Tension? Creative and steamy sex?

Opinions will vary on this, but IMHO, the best practice for writing is writing. The second best practice for writing is reading. Read stories in the categories you're writing in. Note the features of them that interest and arouse you. If you're chasing high ratings, hit the top lists and see what "works" for the readers here.

In the meantime, there are a couple of tools here on Lit you could make use of:

#1: The Writer's Resources area here: http://www.literotica.com/storyxs/writ_stor.shtml

#2: The Story Discussion Circle here on the forums. It's a club of sorts where people take turns posting and reviewing, in a substantive way, each other's work. There's better quality feedback there than the "good job" or "made me mess my shorts" comments you'll get from the average reader.

G'luck,

-PF

 

[CuriosityCanKill]

Dear Curiosity,

I've read your three stories. Over all, each is well written.

I have some concerns about "Three months in One Day." As you have stated, you want a hotter story. If so, your writing will need to be more passionate and graphic.

As an example:

• "You push me against the wall . . . " this sounds like historical fiction. Consider a more present tense such as "Push me against the wall . . . "

• "your hand presses against my flat stomach and moves up to my neck to bring me in for another kiss" May I ask what happened in between your belly and neck? As a suggestion, you could provide some detail of how he played w/ your breasts

• Ditto Twelve Months. First paragraph we find "twelve goddamn months," but other than "She kept them tight as she pushed down half his length" there are very few details and absolutely nothing graphic. You mention his weight gain, new scars, etc., but what about the rim of his cock, its' ridges and veins. Paint a picture that give us pause

On the other hand, "How It's Supposed to Be" is very well written. More to the point, your word choice and tone are appropriate to the theme. After all, a first time for two virgins, you don't expect to to see fur flying--neither do we expect to hear about multiple positions and other devices.

What I like about your writing is that it is very consistent. Further, it is consistent with your various postings. Meaning, you are writing from your perspective and there is nothing wrong with that. After all, while everyone quotes Shakespeare, is that you?

Please continue to write. Meanwhile, don't beat yourself up over your ratings

Thank you. That was very helpful.
And "Twelve Months" is actually the very first story I wrote. I was too shy to be graphic. But I think I'll improve on that with time.
But thank you for providing me with specific criticism. I agree with everything you said.

 

[Sanichi]

I took a look at "How It's Supposed to Be". My first time reading a First Time (you were gentle), so I can't answer whether it fits with the genre. It is the sort of story I would expect.

Right from the start I see a problem. Sentences begin: they'd known/they had/he thought/she was. It's dull to be given a flat list of everything that has happened or is happening. Try to make a statement or some sort of declaration to involve the reader: "In the few short months since they met..."

As one of your comments says, spelling and grammar are good but sentence structure is sometimes convoluted, making comprehension difficult or forcing the reader to read again. I know what you mean by: "she had a commanding presence in a room that he'd only seen in movies", but that literally means that the room was in movies.

Nobody likes to be rewritten but if I were editing this:

They'd known each other for only a few months. However they had become much closer to each other than either had to anyone else. He thought she was the most beautiful thing in the world. She was intoxicating to be around. And she surpassed every ideal he had had in his mind since he was a young boy. She made it clear that she was a submissive, lady-like girl, and yet she had a commanding presence in a room that he'd only seen in movies.

It would become:

They had known each other only months. She was beautiful and intoxicating, submissive and lady-like, yet with a commanding presence seen only in movies.

If I were writing it I would begin differently, but you can compare those versions and see what, if anything, is lacking.

When you look at the whole piece, most paragraphs are the same size, with what little dialogue there is buried inside. I would mix it up, simply to give a more comfortable read.

The story is short and rather sweet. You mention up front that they each have experience ("been with others") but I think this would be better if it really was first time for both. I'm sure that is how most people wish their first time could be: gentle, loving and romantic. The sex is a little coy at times but that is to be expected since they are awkward and eager.

There is a little problem with point of view. At first it is neutral, then we see things from his point of view, then hers, and back and forth for the rest of the story. It seems to work best with her thoughts and feelings.

I'm not sure why they went to the hotel? One moment he is sleeping on her couch, and then laying next to her in her bed. You might make it plain that they are chaperoned or have taken the decision not to go too far before their special night.

The length of the story is fine. I can't say what is "hot" as that will be different for each reader. If you want more reads then you could try a more popular category such as Incest/Taboo. I'd say you should keep reading what you like, and write what you like even if it's different. You don't need to conform to expectations, if you write what interests you - romantic, love-infused stories - it should appeal to others as this did to me.

Hope that helps.

 

[RunningJib]

Let me hear you say F U C K

Thank you. That was very helpful.
And "Twelve Months" is actually the very first story I wrote. I was too shy to be graphic. But I think I'll improve on that with time.
But thank you for providing me with specific criticism. I agree with everything you said.

How do you say F U C K?