Help! Need Feedback!

[dirkthedaring]

Hey all:

Feeback would be appreciate if anyone's got the time. It's nonerotic, so if you're not in the mood, it's understandable.

And it's chapters 4 and 5 of an ongoing saga Memories of Trees.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=249164

Again, any feedback would be appreciated!

 

[kbate]

I have not read the other chapters of the story, and I do not know if I am interested in Collin and Melisa enough to do so.

The writing is good enough if a little rushed. A few minor errors, verb tenses, plurals and such, but nothing serious or truly ruinous.

I'm kind of afraid that this selection does not stand alone as a story without the previous or following sections.

 

[Guest]

Just plain bad.

Wow, so bad it is hard to know where to begin... Terrible prose. Tells story without characters generating story through dialogue.

Poorly plotted if plotted at all. Did you even outline the story before you started it?

Writing is a craft, not a finger-paint freestyle jamboree.

The only words I can offer to assist you in your future writing endeavors are, "Would you like some fries with that , sir?"

Try music. You are no writer...

 

[TiberiusM]

An history...

It is wonderful to read a story that let's you feel the rending emotions of a moment with the knowledge of the history that put those twisting-knife-blade responses in Collin's mind. My perceptions of this may be skewed, as I read chapters 4-5 first and chapters 1-3 second. But it still made for an excellently guided insight into Collin's tortures. A very good story!

The writing itself was a bit distracting, at times, due to the occaisional grammatical slip. There was one instance where the distraction was not a grammatical error, but an unusual word order that brought me up short.

A definite mood piece, as you see Collin haunted by his secrets as he moves through the events. Hank makes for an enjoyable personification of the guilt Collin carries within.

Nicely done.