Help Me!!!

[Malaria]

I only joined this morning but i seem to have learnt so much from here already. Theres so much I want to try but there's one problem. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years is very conservative. The few times I've suggested anything other than Vanilla sex hes not been interested and even if I've convinced him he's very half hearted and I don't get what I was after. How can I get to experiment with me?

 

[cumhungry]

hi Malaria - i got here yesterday! same thing, lots of info!!!

as for your b/f, some guys are kinda uptight cuz they think anything OTHER than vanilla sex might imply "other" issues. the last thing you wanna do is spring something on the poor man, so you're gonna have to take things slow. not to push booze on anyone, but a couple glasses of wine, etc can kinda loosen one up. maybe focus a bit more on the foreplay side, lots of kissing and giggling, find THAT spot on his neck, whatever. lube does wonders! (god anymore and i'm like pavlov's dog if i SEE the lube bottle!).

try bringing up the topic of sex at some other non-sex event/time....so he doesn't feel pressure. reassure him that you would like for both of you to explore a little to increase the pleasure for both of you. i.e try not to make it sound like he's a lousy lay and you're really hoping for more.......

when my b/f and i first got together, we did the pretty tradtional missionary stuff. til one day he mentioned he had some porn...........i said PORN??? bring it baby! sometimes ya just gotta be brave and blurt stuff out. since then we have done stuff i didn't think was even possible. i like things that 3 years ago i would have never have admitted knowing how to spell, much less DO! i hope it goes well for you guys.............

 

[SweetErika]

You can't 'get' him to do anything he doesn't want to do. Have you had a heart-to-heart with him in a non-sexual setting about your need to be open and explore new things?

If not, that'd be my first step.

Sometimes people just aren't compatible though. I'm lucky my husband wanted to open up and try new things to make us both happy, but that's not typical, from what I've seen. If he hadn't shown a willingness, I certainly wouldn't have married him, knowing I would likely be doomed to a lifetime of boring sex and resentment. My happiness is too much of a priority for that.

 

[Malaria]

Porn! now thats an idea...it's about the only mildly unconventional thing we do together...maybe I can suggest some copycatting after a drink or two. Cumhungry...You are a genius!

 

[cumhungry]

have you played with yourself or masturbated in front of him ever? you know, bit of wine, lack of clothing, on the bed, pop in the porn, everybody starts getting entertained....try not to have too clear a concept of what you WANT to see happen, just be open, tell him when you are turned on, it should be fairly obvious when he is........lube, hands, moaning....amazing what can happen! create a safe place for him to open up..........just remember, you don't know what you might find when you open up pandora's box!

damn and we have our friend stopping by with her baby tonite - dang it! i suddenly had ideas..........

 

[Malaria]

i've spoken to him and he seems open to experimentation but when it comes to it he gets shy.
and cumhungry i know your frustration. I can't act tonight because I'm actually quite ill!!

 

[cumhungry]

shy's kinda sexy too. let's you be in charge. the world of sexual experimentation with someone you love is exciting and endless. for us TRUST is absolutely essential. boundaries, as in yes you can smack the hell out of my ass, but not my face. or nibbles versus bites. or hold me down but don't tie me up. and wanting to see the other person's pleasure at least as much if not more than your own.............

so you better pound the hot tea, get lots of rest and get yourself back in business, lady!

 

[Malaria]

heres hoping. it's been an awful dry spell! I'm sure when i'm back in action he'll be open to almost anything!!! We have had a boundary talk before and alot of them are the same but we never go to the limit

 

[midwestyankee]

The copycatting sounds like a good idea - but choose carefully what you watch so that the acts you have to copy are on the edge of your experience so far. One possible solution would be for you to take notes individually (seriously, do this in writing) as you watch some porn and then compare your notes. When you show your enthusiasm for the more edgy items on his list it may spark a new level of desire in him.

 

[Mazuri]

Theres so much I want to try but there's one problem. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years is very conservative. The few times I've suggested anything other than Vanilla sex hes not been interested and even if I've convinced him he's very half hearted and I don't get what I was after. How can I get to experiment with me?

There's not much you can do short of giving him time to get used to the idea, find out his fantasies and do a one for one swap if he's willing, accept that things may never be what you want, or get a new boyfriend

My hubby won't even go into the store with me to buy my toys even tho he doesn't mind their use in the bedroom. He's willing to try things I want to do on me but doesn't want to explore other ways I could get him off, etc. I've just learned to accept that there are some things I'll never get a chance to try because he is a wonderful hubby in every way.

 

[Malaria]

I braved the terrible pain I'm in to make a start. At first he was really open to it and we did explore a bit. then after he asked if i was only interested in new stuff because i was bored with our sex life and him! insecurity alert! poor lamb!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I braved the terrible pain I'm in to make a start. At first he was really open to it and we did explore a bit. then after he asked if i was only interested in new stuff because i was bored with our sex life and him! insecurity alert! poor lamb!

Ah, the fragile male ego. Unfortunately men respond to a woman wanting something different as criticism; "What's WRONG with what I do now? Dos she not like it? Does she not like ME? Might she leave me for a kinkier guy?" It happens in seconds and sits in the head forever - like a chocolate bar on the hips.

Whatever you suggest or discuss back it up with LOTS of reassurance that you DO love him and what he already does.

Question: Is there anything in his life/past which may have closed his mind about these things or made him generally a little insecure about sex? Always worth considering, libido doesn't live in the shorts.

Velvet

 

[Malaria]

I think his ex was a little too kinky for him. I know i have to tread carefully. His ego got lots of attention!

 

[VampireD]

really

maybe you should try to seduce him more often then when you got him where you want him...kinda take full control and don't let him get his way. Believe me this is really hot. try handcuffs maybe?

 

[Malaria]

the problem there is i quite fancy the handcuffs on me...

 

[human_male]

This problem comes up quite a lot from both men and women. It comes down to this... if your partner's not interested in making an effort just to please you that's it. You either put up with it or find someone who's more compatible with you or at least prepared to make an effort for you.

Ok that was a bit blunt. Communication and the above posts are certainly something to try before thinking about the two extremes.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

the problem there is i quite fancy the handcuffs on me...

That's true but it may be a case of monkey see, monkey do. Tie him up and tease him and it won't take too long before he goes,

"Aha! 2 can play at that game! Come here you saucy little minx!"

Whereupon you can act all surprised and play hard to get until he forcibly subdues you. Afterwards, tell him how FANTASTIC it was and what a stud he is.

Sorted.

 

[Malaria]

Hmmm...turns out he doesn't like to be restrained...this is going wrong!!!

 

[emap]

Well not liking to be tied up puts a slight damper on it, but since you want it, there is a way to get him interested in it.

Two ways really, the first one though is a tad tricky and requires a really good friend. If you happen to have a very good friend you can trust with anything, have her or him tie you to the bed giftwrapped and then leave for your boyfriend to find. As I said tricky because you can't get tied up to long before he gets home, and if he gets home early that is one huge blowup since to be giftwrapped you have to do it before being tied up.

The safer way, buy your self the long chained handcuffs from the nicer porn shops and go ahead of him to bed, handcuff yourself minus clothes, or in lingerie, but of a kind that can be removed or moved aside easily, unless you don't mind losing it of course, and then call him to bed. You can make a little speech if you want, be a damsel in distress, slave girl what have you.

The trick to either way though, is to be sexy, hot and irresistable, now of course with both ways you may find yourself sleeping chained to the bed so do have a key taped to the back of the headboard, just in case.

 

[hogjack]

Lose him in a poker game to a couple of Brazilian shemales.

That'll turn his life around.

 

[cumhungry]

ok, between us women......the trick is to get him to think it was his idea to begin with. instead of dropping from the ceiling in the black leather dom outfit complete with riding crop (that can be the goal for sure!) start by letting him know in no uncertain terms how much you like sex, WITH HIM and how much he turns you on and that you just wanna drive him out of his mind. that you want him to cum so hard he's gonna need crutches. and a shop vac to clean up the mess! make the focus about HIS pleasure, HIS wants. beg him to let you watch him jack off - this is where the porn is handy, so it's not just you staring at him in a silent room. assuming its semi traditional porn, i.e some number of men with some number of women....let your wild side out, comment on the action. for example, we have this one video with 4 chicks i think who start out doing the traditional "spread em for the camera" thing, but then start eating pussy - and DAMN these girls know what they are doing, and i commented once i would happily let em loose on me. then they go into this 3 on 1 thing, i'd kill to be the 1, ya know?? my b/f being traditional red hot male totally digs the chick on chick thing so rather than pout about it, or drag my unsuspecting best friend home.........we can make it a turn on for both of us. of course these days we've got this gang bang video............HUGE fantasy of mine. we both get off on it..........well good and warmed up anyway, we don't get much more than about 5, maybe 8 minutes into it before we're having sex that would make a porn star cry!!!

all this exploring really needs to start from a place of safety and security. you both need to feel comfortable and secure. HE needs to know that his skills and prowess are doing just fine, no complaints. that you want to make HIM the happiest, most satisfied man on the planet.

good luck!

 

[Malaria]

*giggle* I have now had the best sex of my life. I dropped the subject for a few days and he must have kept thinking about it. Without warning he just went and did almost everything i'd wanted him too and a tonne of stuff that he wanted. i guess I only have to plant the seeds of suggestion!!! Thanks for all the advice guys, it's helped loads!

 

[firecaptsgirl]

just read the post I'm a newbie as of today joined to spice things up Glad things worked out for you!