Help me help myself!

[Janitor123]

Hello.

I've tried to find books on this subject, but they are hard to come across in my country, Stankonia, a small country in the middle east.

Great tales of man on duck coming together to make love have been told, with beautiful imagery that will forever be in my mind. The thought of anul injection with a hose has become my essence, my being. These desires are screaming in my soul, torturing me every minute of every hour.

So I come here to you, for help. Where's the duck go?

 

[Strumabum]

That got me all worked up.

 

[duckblue]

hawt

 

[Bobmi357]

This is a question which has plagued mankind since the days of ancient greece.

There are two schools of thought concerning the duck and the hose. Originally formulated by Euclid, in the duckian universe you must lube up the duck and try to insert the duck into the hose, bill first. There is some concern that the you should tape up the bill to prevent the duck from gnawing its way out of the anus. But true duckian scholars suggest this would detract from the experience.

The non-duckian school of thought suggests that the duck is a parable, and can be replaced with a variety of objects, from a python to a highly lubed rodent of questionable parenthood. The problem here is there are multiple documented cases of people using too large of an object for their duck. And we won't mention the gentleman from london, who, in 1978, was said to replace his fabled duck with a 1957 Studebaker automobile. Unfortunately the gentleman did not survive the experience to explain why he felt the automobile would suffice as a duck replacement.

The truly weird non-duckians are the duckian non-duckians who claim that while they have the option of replacing the duck, they have opted to keep the duck. They do appreciate the choice however.

Some duckians prefer mallards over long island ducks. Others prefer mandarins, perches, ruddy and comb ducks. But the choice of which particular species of is up to you. Both schools warn that the Duck Billed Platypus is NOT a duck, and remind people that although quite rare, platypuses are venomous and people have been known to become very ill after being stung by one.

Good luck to you and may you and your duck (either real or substituted) be happy together.

 

[EJFan]

This is a question which has plagued mankind since the days of ancient greece.
...
The truly weird non-duckians are the duckian non-duckians who claim that while they have the option of replacing the duck, they have opted to keep the duck. They do appreciate the choice however.

Some duckians prefer mallards over long island ducks. Others prefer mandarins, perches, ruddy and comb ducks. But the choice of which particular species of is up to you. Both schools warn that the Duck Billed Platypus is NOT a duck, and remind people that although quite rare, platypuses are venomous and people have been known to become very ill after being stung by one.

Good luck to you and may you and your duck (either real or substituted) be happy together.

have you been posessed by the soul of graham chapman by chance? lol.

one question though... is the '57 studebaker with or without the optional power package?

 

[Bobmi357]

have you been posessed by the soul of graham chapman by chance? lol.

one question though... is the '57 studebaker with or without the optional power package?

Nope, no relation to Mr. Chapman, may he rest in peace, and if not, may the Ministry of Silly Walks always be there to aid him.

Now in regard to that 57 studebaker, I want to be totally clear on this. The automobile in question was fully loaded with the EUROPEAN VERSION of the optional power package as opposed to the AFRICAN VERSION of the optional power package, or even the AMERICAN VERSION of the optional power package. It was rumored that there was a canadian version of the optional power package on the drawing boards for a few months, but they couldn't figure out if the public would approve of a plaid flannel interior, and they never could figure out what to do with the chipmunk. But I digress.

The Eurpean Version of the optional power package was elegant in its design, in fact, one could say it had a continental flair about it. Unfortunately it was never well received and was eventually discontinued in favor of a more art deco approach to power packages which continues to this day.

I might add that there was one model of studebaker which did come with an optional duck hood ornament. But again I'm digressing...

And now for something completely different....

 

[firefighter02]

Christ..Stankonia? Holy Shit.. I didn't know they were so civilized as to know duck and hose..

Hey can't help you at all, but I do have 10 million tied up in a bank in Angola if you are interested in helping me out.

 

[Quoll]

Now I`m not ducking the question here, but I feel you may have gone too far abroad, perhaps you should try one of yor local counsellors, located Here or if you have no luck with them, I do understand that there is also a wizard who just might know what the ducking problem with your duck is.

 

[zombieman]

This thread is quackers! (I'll get me coat!)

 

[fgarvb1]

Well t'aint that just ducky!