help after failed relationship?

[mysteryinc]

Hi, I am novice submissive female 23 yo. I am obedient and loyal to my (EX) dom and still regard him as my master even though he wants the relationship finished. It seems worse than breaking up from vanilla relationship. I assume I will get over it? It's just that I don't want to be dominated by anyone else.
Any advice sought after.

 

[Nyte_BlackRose]

This sounds like a tough situation. While it is possible to continue a strictly BDSM interaction, I believe it might be tough, at least on you, as you obviously still have deeper feelings for this man. The loss and pain, and feelings that he is the only one for you will pass, though unfortunatelly, only time will really allow that to happen. Perhaps in time, you will find another who will hold your interest, and that will help the process as well. I wish you luck, as I know it can be very hard to get over someone you care about.

 

[Vixandra]

Nyte is correct, mysteryinc. This is one of those things that time will help. The company of good friends who understand your choosen lifestyle might help.
Got to run but good luck!

 

[shy slave]

I was there, earlier this year, talking and talking and talking on here helped ALOT.

Will find the site i posted on, and pm you, it has some advice from others which you may find useful...but then again, it can hurt at the time that advice is never easy to give or understand.

try to keep sane xxx

 

[BlueBanshee]

As the other say, Time helps.

What I've found to help me with any kind of failed relationship (no matter who ended it) is to focus on the future and what I can take out of the old relationship..good or bad..and learn from.

I generally make two lists. One of all the things in the old relationship that weren't as good as they could have been and one of the things I learned in the relationship that I can apply to the next one.

Whenever I feel a really bad craving for the recent Ex I can look at the list of the 'not quite great' stuff and keep myself from idealizing the Ex. It helps me not miss him so much anymore. For example something like..he'd always show up late for dates and I'd be waiting for sometimes up to 45 minutes. I'll list how that made me feel and why it made me feel that way. The writing of it vents it, and then later if I start to pine for him, I can look at the list and remember that all was not as good as maybe it could have been.

The list of things I learned I can use when I feel ready to look for a new PYL or SO. That list in turn can help me build a list of things I'd like to have in a new Dom or SO vs things that I ..need.. to have. In this fashion I can look forward to the next relationship and build upon what I've learned..it's a very hopeful kind of thing.

Anyway..as you can see..I like to make lists. The actual writing can be very theraputic. The writing also helps that healing time pass quicker because you're actually doing something constructive and any moping is channelled towards becoming stronger.

Good luck in moving forward towards new experiences. I hope that you find a new Dom who loves and respects you as much as you do him.

 

[NoBounds21]

Sorry to hear about your failed relationship but it takes you one step closer to a better one. Try and stay positive and don't look (go) back. Life is too short to subject yourself to someone who doesn't want and/or appreciate you. It will get better in time - keep busy and keep your eyes open - your new dom is out there!

 

[mysteryinc]

thanks!

Thank you everyone for all your help. I feel better already. I still wish I could convince him otherwise, and it's tempting to want demonstrate my submission to him but i don't want to manipulate him or him have to get a restraining order out on me . It's a strange situation because he still loves me, but he's decided that this relationship isn't good for my mental health. It's just hard when you've spent all that time learning to submit and be obedient, then it's not good enough. At the start of my training I thought it might be a relief for it to be over. But it's just confusing. But as everyone says, time will dissolve these feelings and already it's not so bad thanks to you guys. this message board rocks!

 

[princess4u]

i was in a place very similar to you at the end of last year -
and i was positive that i would never be able to relate to another dom -
i knew i would never want another dom

but i was wrong.....time does heal most wounds - take what you
have learned from the experience and open yourself to a new relationship -
no need to hurry - but just be open to it

i wish you luck

 

[Pelagie]

I agree with BlueBanshee. Time and focusing on the future is what helped me. Don't look back until you can do so objectively.

 

[shy slave]

Finally found link for you.

Desdemona & Graceanne had the best advice for me.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=316801&highlight=hibernation