Hello to everyone

[SuperShyGuy]

Hi, I'm not really a BDSM or D/s person myself, (perhaps a passing interest). But I was talking with someone who is into the lifestyle today and they quoted me off a little speech that he called his own "pledge of allegance". I was just wondering what people involved in the lifestyle thought of this, becasue I found it a rather good little couple of lines myself.

"A true Master/Mistress does not demand respect from Their sub, for They realize that They will find only contempt. The true Master earns respect, and through it the undying and complete service from Their sub. All other answers are false and untrue, and a sign of weakness – a fear within the so-called Master pretender that They cannot ever own Their sub truly."

I'm interested to see what people think about that. Becasue from what I have seen of the casual explosion into this kind of lifestyle on the 'net (easy accessability = drop in quality?) there are a lot of people who really think they can demand respect and find it. So I was just curious to see what others who are actually in the lifestyle thought.

 

[catalina_francisco]

BDSM is a purely individual experience, which means that my answer reflects only my own beliefs and reflections. I do believe that respect is earned, but I also believe good manners are essential. In my younger days when I roamed the bars and clubs looking for some tasty butt to spank I would never demand, ask or expect to be called master, lord or any of those Domly titles, however if a girl would be rude or impolite I would and still do consider that a sign to move on.

But there is also a saying which I think should be remembered, when in Rome do as the Romans do. What do I mean with that, if you got to a party or club and they have rules of conduct, follow them or do not participate.

I have been invited to parties where submissives have to call Dominants by certain titles, for example the Gorean scene has lot of rules of conduct. I have been to parties where submissives were common property. I would find it rude to go to such an event and not conduct yourself according to the house rules.

Francisco.

 

[TaintedB]

Hi, I'm not really a BDSM or D/s person myself, (perhaps a passing interest). But I was talking with someone who is into the lifestyle today and they quoted me off a little speech that he called his own "pledge of allegance". I was just wondering what people involved in the lifestyle thought of this, becasue I found it a rather good little couple of lines myself.

"A true Master/Mistress does not demand respect from Their sub, for They realize that They will find only contempt. The true Master earns respect, and through it the undying and complete service from Their sub. All other answers are false and untrue, and a sign of weakness – a fear within the so-called Master pretender that They cannot ever own Their sub truly."

I'm interested to see what people think about that. Becasue from what I have seen of the casual explosion into this kind of lifestyle on the 'net (easy accessability = drop in quality?) there are a lot of people who really think they can demand respect and find it. So I was just curious to see what others who are actually in the lifestyle thought.

Hi, I love your sig line. Wish I had thought of that one.

I guess the quote is true but it doesn't go nearly far enough and, to me, the attitude it takes is kind of off the mark. I might be wrong, but the person who wrote the quote sounds like they are a bit obsessed with respect. That means to me that they are still inflicted with the same disease that they are critiquing. The few dominants I've known haven't given a shit about respect one way or the other, in any form. They respect themselves, and that's really all they need. They tend to want other things from their submissives, things like love and obedience, rather than respect, because the latter just isn't an issue with them. Their egos are rock solid and realistic and the only person's expectations they are concerned about living up to is that of themselves, so caring about respect in either of the senses talked about in this quote just not something they think about very much. Hmm, that sounds a little cold, but I'm just describing a very confident person whose confidence is based on a realistic appraisal of what they actually do. Such people are also are their own harshest critics. At least that's been my observation.

So anyway, the quote is true in as far as it goes, but it doesn't go nearly far enough, I think. I can understand why someone would say it, however, because if you hang out at any length in online bdsm circles you get sick and tired of hearing all these dominant types demanding respect from everyone they meet including complete strangers without bothering to demonstrate or prove they are the least bit worthy of respect from anyone. It's bizarre behavior: nobody expects this sort of thing in real, face-to-face, encouters unless they are extremely unbalanced. In a great majority of the dominant personal ads I read, the phrase "you will respect me" is present in some wording or another as a prerequisite, and I agree, it's a dead giveaway of their actual insecurity. But again, in the dominants I've met who I'd call the real McCoy, all this stuff about respect being earned and not demanded is so implicitly understood that it isn't even worth talking about. They just quietly go about demostrating with actions rather than self-descriptions to the submissive they have chosen that they are absolutely trustworthy, able to understand and control her, etc.

 

[WriterDom]

I have been invited to parties where submissives have to call Dominants by certain titles, for example the Gorean scene has lot of rules of conduct.
Francisco.

That's an understatement. The Gorean scene has rules for everything. Down to how the submissive pours and presents the coffee.

I think what is confusing for outsiders or novices is the lack of structure. It's a big tent with astonishing diversity. I'll never forget my first group meeting. I was nervous not knowing what to except. What I found was a group who outside of bdsm, had little in common. But they went out their way to make everyone feel welcome.

But in the end, it always comes back to the relationship between the Dom and sub. With no universal code of conduct, rules, other than what the Dom sets, no "idiots Guide to Domming" book. So a Dom can demand respect from the onset. And I assume that approach has a success rate because one doesn't have to look hard to find it.

It's been my experience that subs are not only willing to give respect, but want that element in the relationship and to demand it from the start is a sign not only of insecurity, but lack of intelligence.

And on the other side of the coin, I want someone I respect as well. If someone is calling me Master in the first conversation, I know something is wrong. What value is there in submission if it's given up that freely?

 

[SuperShyGuy]

Thank you for your answers. I will say this for the lifestyle - it's full of interesting people. And that alone makes it somewhat worthwhile. But to be honest it doesn't seem like the kind of thing a person of my sexual novice should be in, so I'll get out of here now before some domme gets me into trouble lol.

I agree with the idea that perhaps the respect should be redundant in a helthy relationship, really of any kind. And if I ever did decide to explore some of my sub tendancies I can't really imagine doing that with someone I didn't have respect for.