I hope everyone is doing well...
Jim,
Hi, I just got home a few minutes ago. Angie called this morning, she has to work tomorrow night, so she isn't coming. I don't think she is coming the rest of the weekend either. I'm not quite sure whether or not she is coming to Mathews with us. I think I hurt her feelings. I'll have to call her tonight.
We can call Brian or one of them when you get home. I'm not entirely comfortable calling them just yet. As for Karen, yep, you got it.
Is this a proposal? Hmm, it depends on how you feel about it.
I love you. I've done a lot of praying about whether or not you are what God has planned for me. We didn't meet in a God-pleasing way, but I believe what has or is happening with us is God's way of showing us just what He can do in His own time and in His own way. (like he did with Moses who murdered the Egyptian soldier.) Again, as long as we trust in him and are faithful, and oh, how I love the Lord. I've been doing my best to do what is right for Him and He is rewarding me. It's something else to see it so physically. I'm not sure how to say that to make sense. I've prayed a lot asking God for his advice and what he wants.
I'm still scared to death. But, I'm trusting God. As long as I keep listening to him it will be okay.
I love my christian music because it is actually singing to something. I've loved music all my life. I love how certain songs can fit into a moment and completely engross a person. (the song remembers when by trisha yearwood...rings a bell here.) I used to have a song for every moment of my life, and I still do. I made tapes all the time, I wish I knew where they ended up becuase I did a real great job and it would be fun to listen to all that again...i would place them on the tape in a certain place so that the songs almost told a story. It was a lot harder then because you couldn't just hit a button like you can now. If I had a song in the "wrong" place, I'd have to go back erase it and start all over. I made Chad tapes all the time. I made them for my family. After Chad left, I've had a hard time with my songs. Those types of songs are great, but who are they to? To people who leave, hurt you, and who change. Christian music is so much different. I can sing my "love songs" to the Lord and I know He doesn't take it for granted that I'm singing my heart. He's done so much more for me and he isn't leaving or changing. Basically, I worship through music. Talk to God and pray through it.
Lately, I've been able to listen to the other music a little more. Other songs hurt a little, but I've found myself thinking of you as I'm listening to them. I don't mean to sound cheesy, but I've felt numb for so long that it surprised me. I realized that I truly love you.
I know you probably think I went off track up there, but I truly haven't. Hopefully you can see what I'm trying ot say.
There are concerns that I have. I think we should have a counselor. I mean, I'm ready to marry you tomorrow., but we will still need a counselor. a christian one to help us with issues that are going to arise.
there are things that I want....as I'm sure there are things that you want.
To start with little things....some of the "things" in that drawer have to go. I don't like the idea of using them and they no longer excite me. I see that a lot of the things I used to let you do to me happened because I thought I deserved pain and horrible things, but now I know better and I know that I don't deserve it. Jesus suffered my "punishments" for me so that I wouldn't have to. Also, I'm waiting for someone to innocently open that drawer one day and I don't want to deal with that.
That doesn't mean I don't want to have a good time when you and I are married and intimate again, but when I think of being with you physically, it isn't like it used to be- all the time.
Those playboys and other such items? I'd like them to go...It goes back to lusting for other women and participating in their abuse and I don't want them here.
You know how I feel about the pot.
..and less seriously..my fan.
I have to tell you, I shake at the thought of getting married again. I loved being married the first time, it was great. I never had the chance to be the wife I wanted to be because of how we moved around and all, but also, I don't know what changed Chad's mind. My heart stops when I think about it all. Also, I told Angie, you've not really seen me when I'm confident and truly happy...I'm a lot different...I worry that you won't like that person.
Anyway, yes, in its own way that is a proposal...
What do you think about all this?
I love you....
Aimee @};--
Jim,
Hi, I just got home a few minutes ago. Angie called this morning, she has to work tomorrow night, so she isn't coming. I don't think she is coming the rest of the weekend either. I'm not quite sure whether or not she is coming to Mathews with us. I think I hurt her feelings. I'll have to call her tonight.
We can call Brian or one of them when you get home. I'm not entirely comfortable calling them just yet. As for Karen, yep, you got it.
Is this a proposal? Hmm, it depends on how you feel about it.
I love you. I've done a lot of praying about whether or not you are what God has planned for me. We didn't meet in a God-pleasing way, but I believe what has or is happening with us is God's way of showing us just what He can do in His own time and in His own way. (like he did with Moses who murdered the Egyptian soldier.) Again, as long as we trust in him and are faithful, and oh, how I love the Lord. I've been doing my best to do what is right for Him and He is rewarding me. It's something else to see it so physically. I'm not sure how to say that to make sense. I've prayed a lot asking God for his advice and what he wants. I'm still scared to death. But, I'm trusting God. As long as I keep listening to him it will be okay.
I love my christian music because it is actually singing to something. I've loved music all my life. I love how certain songs can fit into a moment and completely engross a person. (the song remembers when by trisha yearwood...rings a bell here.) I used to have a song for every moment of my life, and I still do. I made tapes all the time, I wish I knew where they ended up becuase I did a real great job and it would be fun to listen to all that again...i would place them on the tape in a certain place so that the songs almost told a story. It was a lot harder then because you couldn't just hit a button like you can now. If I had a song in the "wrong" place, I'd have to go back erase it and start all over. I made Chad tapes all the time. I made them for my family. After Chad left, I've had a hard time with my songs. Those types of songs are great, but who are they to? To people who leave, hurt you, and who change. Christian music is so much different. I can sing my "love songs" to the Lord and I know He doesn't take it for granted that I'm singing my heart. He's done so much more for me and he isn't leaving or changing. Basically, I worship through music. Talk to God and pray through it.
Lately, I've been able to listen to the other music a little more. Other songs hurt a little, but I've found myself thinking of you as I'm listening to them. I don't mean to sound cheesy, but I've felt numb for so long that it surprised me. I realized that I truly love you.
I know you probably think I went off track up there, but I truly haven't. Hopefully you can see what I'm trying ot say.
There are concerns that I have. I think we should have a counselor. I mean, I'm ready to marry you tomorrow., but we will still need a counselor. a christian one to help us with issues that are going to arise.
there are things that I want....as I'm sure there are things that you want.
To start with little things....some of the "things" in that drawer have to go. I don't like the idea of using them and they no longer excite me. I see that a lot of the things I used to let you do to me happened because I thought I deserved pain and horrible things, but now I know better and I know that I don't deserve it. Jesus suffered my "punishments" for me so that I wouldn't have to. Also, I'm waiting for someone to innocently open that drawer one day and I don't want to deal with that.
That doesn't mean I don't want to have a good time when you and I are married and intimate again, but when I think of being with you physically, it isn't like it used to be- all the time.
Those playboys and other such items? I'd like them to go...It goes back to lusting for other women and participating in their abuse and I don't want them here.
You know how I feel about the pot.
..and less seriously..my fan.
I have to tell you, I shake at the thought of getting married again. I loved being married the first time, it was great. I never had the chance to be the wife I wanted to be because of how we moved around and all, but also, I don't know what changed Chad's mind. My heart stops when I think about it all. Also, I told Angie, you've not really seen me when I'm confident and truly happy...I'm a lot different...I worry that you won't like that person.
Anyway, yes, in its own way that is a proposal...
What do you think about all this?
I love you....
Aimee @};--
