Heartbreak hotel

[Guest]

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Have you been dumped? Or did you do the dumping? Have you had your heart broken? Share with us even if it's a hreatbreak of 40 odd years ago. How did it happen? And why? Was it a good thing in the end? Or not? How did it feel? What are the reasons people break up?


Discuss

 

[rikaaim]

I won't go into my story just yet. I simply wanted to comment that who ever said that line, is a damn fool. I feel that way sometimes at least. Mainly because the loss of love hurt so damn much. Why does it take only a couple of weeks to fall in love, but years to get over the hurt of losing it?

 

[MissBri]

 

[Guest]

cuddle puddle here ​

 

[MissBri]

 

[rgraham666]

My ex just walked out on me one day.

Looking back, we never really loved each other. We had other reasons to get married, bad ones.

Still hurt a lot. I had a lot of ego wrapped up in it. Her leaving was, to me, a sign of how little effort and success have to do with one another.

Still have an empty spot in my soul because of that.

 

[MissBri]

 

[zeb1094]

Let's see, the last break up I had was over 38 years ago! Holy shit!

My first love was a girl I sat next to in home room in high school. When we started going out I didn't know she was kinda engaged. So she was cheating on her soon to be! She told me one day in Dec. that her boy friend was back from his stint in the service and she was going to marry him! Talk about shocked. I was depressed for quiet a long time after that!

Oh, she married him and they divorced 6 months later. She was cheating on him again with a guy where she worked!

Was it good for me? Yes. Was the break up good? Looking back I guess so! I found out she was also cheating on me the whole time we were going out! Bitch!

 

[Belegon]

John Donne was certainly not a fool....

http://www.poetryconnection.net/poets/John_Donne

...and is one of those poets who surprise those who have never read them, for so many things that are commonly quoted are found in his works

In order to recognize the extremes, do we need to live them first? I say yes...and I do feel it is better to have loved and lost than ne'er to have loved at all...

 

[rikaaim]

John Donne was certainly not a fool....

http://www.poetryconnection.net/poets/John_Donne

...and is one of those poets who surprise those who have never read them, for so many things that are commonly quoted are found in his works

In order to recognize the extremes, do we need to live them first? I say yes...and I do feel it is better to have loved and lost than ne'er to have loved at all...

In my heart I agree, but at the moment of losing, not so much. It's all about time and healing, and ultimately I live this life for love.

 

[Belegon]

oh yes, the actual topic:

The breakup that most changed my life happened in 1990...She was still in San Diego, I was away in college...we had been together since 1987, lived together, shared finances, shared property...when I went away it was traumatic, and we were unsure we would stay together, but when she visited me in the winter break, I finally proposed...she accepted and we made plans to move her back there for the fall semester. Then in March, she ran away with a guy she met at work. She cleared out our accounts, maxed out our credit cards and liquidated our possessions. She left with him the day I left for college baseball spring training in Florida...she didn't answer calls for a week and upon returning to the dorms I found a "Dear John" letter...she shattered my heart, my financial standing and my ability to trust...all three eventually were repaired.

 

[MissBri]

 

[Belegon]

That's funny, Bel - I made a reference to something of his in the poem I wrote last night.

He has long been one of my favorites, along with the Bard, Marlowe & Dylan Thomas.

 

[MissBri]

 

[Guest]

hmmmm
well I have been dumped... it was not something that I would have gone through it quite that way again
have I broken up with someone... yes.. and I try very very hard not to hurt them, but I have also realized that you have to be alittle blunt and straight forward or there is still that lingering there that maybe.... so I try to be the one that says... yes I know it hurts but it can't keep going on

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Even being in the middle of mine - I think it will be a good thing, in the end. He just didn't have to be such an asshole about it. It's ok, though - soon I'll be free to find happiness again.

Does this mean we can have a cuddle puddle?

Damn, that's gotta be tough!

Well, my own personal experience with real heartache.

Hmmm.....let me see.

There was Lisa, who behaved a lot toward me like that girl did with Zeb. Yep, I've been there, too, Zeb. She also married her guy. I think that she had at least 3 boyfriends the whole time that we were supposedly together. I confronted her, she denied it, for a while, until I got fed up and realized that she was just playing with my head and my heart. I told her we weren't on speaking terms, and that was it.

 

[MissBri]

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Thanks. The good thing was that I was only 14. Enough time has lapsed to allow scabs to form over my heart. That was before I admitted to myself that I am not monogamous by nature and stopped trying to make myself live that way.

Then there was Vicki, whom I thought that I really loved. In retrospect, I dodged a bullet. In any case, she at least had the decency not to pretend to be interested. She was never my girlfriend in any sense, just a co-worker whom I cared for a lot. However, I think that we would have been bad for each other. It's been 3 years now, so I can have that kind of detachment on the matter. Well, at least a story came out of it ("Vicki"). Mind you, she tried to soften the blow by saying that it "wasn't a rejection" (yeah, right ) and that "any woman would be lucky to have" me. Well, at least I never actually asked her out on a date. It never got that far. All I told her was that "my interest in you is not exactly platonic".

Then, there was Susi. She was my slave for a while (albeit online) and we liked each other, but we never explicitly formed a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. We were incompatible anyway, as I am polyamorous and she is monogamous (which we told each other outright, and probably why we never became actual lovers) and we each wanted to live on different sides of the Atlantic (she is British). Even so, it hurt to some extent, because we got along otherwise and cared a lot for each other. I think that I was at least infatuated with her, and vice versa.

So, those are some of my heartaches, at least the ones that were most intense.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I won't go into my story just yet. I simply wanted to comment that who ever said that line, is a damn fool. I feel that way sometimes at least. Mainly because the loss of love hurt so damn much. Why does it take only a couple of weeks to fall in love, but years to get over the hurt of losing it?

Good question! Tell me about it!

 

[zeb1094]

*hugs* for Zeb & Severus - good things come not from dishonesty.

Thanks Jett, but it was 38 years ago. I look back on it and laugh as I have seen pictures of her now with her 4th husband! She actually introduced me to my wife whom I have been married to for 34 years, so I got the better deal!

 

[MissBri]

 

[3113]

I suppose I won't get any hugs...as I'll admit to being the "dumper." Twice. The first time was completely justified. Somehow or other, I ended up with a born-again Christian. He didn't talk much and he was the slowest eater I've ever met. Dinners were a nightmare. He asked me to marry him on something like the third or fourth date because that way we could have sex (because he didn't believe in sex before marriage, right?).

I came to my senses very quickly. I plead young and stupid, your honor.

The second was harder. Justified because it would have never worked, but this one I did feel bad about. Simply, I was at that early 19-21 range, which I think is the age when we're all searching around in the desert for our identity. So, I had no real idea of how odd I was, how wrong for him. He needed a lot from me that I wasn't able to give, or just wasn't ready to give. And I didn't even KNOW at the time what I needed from a partner, but what I needed he didn't have.

We had some very good times together, and, in retrospect, he was a great boyfriend. One night, however, I realized that I had started to feel trapped and angry when we were together, pretty much all the time. So I ended it. He took it hard, but we remained friends, if not close friends, and he found the love of his life soon after. She was perfect for him, all he deserved and more. They married and lived happily ever after.

 

[MissBri]

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Knock knock! Is this the group therapy meeting?

Blah. Where do I start? I spent high school being that girl, the slutty one that guys wanted to fuck, not go steady with. I pushed away all the nice guys because I was busy chasing the ones who would never have me. I was heartbroken and dumped most of the time until I was nineteen.

That was the last straw and I found a nice stable guy. A nice stable guy with self-esteem, sexuality issues and control issues. We lived together two years and I narrowly escaped marrying him. After I got away from that bad situation, I was twenty-one and completely out of control.

I would say I fucked people and dumped them, but actually I never even called them back a second time. I whored around until I met someone exactly like me in every way. Pure fucking evil. We fell madly and violently in love and it was messy, destructive, doomed from the start. Our friendship was the biggest casualty. Neither of us dumped the other, it just had to stop.

I went back to my whored out ways, for years, and I ran from commitment until I was too tired to run anymore. I met my current SO and he was too fucking stubborn to give up on me. We did everything the wrong way, but it's working. I'm still learning, trying to behave. I'm trying to get it through my thick head that sometimes the wanting is better than the having.

 

[TheEarl]

Oh god, did I fall hard.

She was my everything. We met first day of uni, kissed second day and I'd moved into her room by the end of the first week. It was a swift movement from newly-mets to together-forevers. She meant everything to me; I loved her so hard that it became an integral part of who I was.

When she told me she wanted to break up with me, I was fairly well wrecked.I managed to keep myself together though, and we agreed to do the 'staying best friends' thing for a bit. That night, we ended up watching a film in what had been 'our' room (now, just her's) and slept together in the same bed, just like we were still together. God, how I wanted that so much, but I told her the next morning that I couldn't do half and half. Even if she didn't love me, I still loved her and I couldn't just be her comfort without being her boyfriend as well. She agreed and we continued being friends.

A couple of weeks later, she came downstairs to my bedroom, in tears. Stuff had happened in her home life that had left her very, very vulnerable and she'd gone back to her way of coping when she was a teenager - thin razor cuts across her forearm. I knew she'd done that before, but had never seen anything like this before. I took her in and held her as she cried, wanting to protect her more than anything. Then she told me that she'd made a mistake and that she'd been wrong and that she did love me. I turned her down. It killed me, hurting more than anything I'd ever experienced, but I knew that she didn't want to get back together. She was upset and vulnerable and she needed my support as a friend. When morning came, she wouldn't want me as a boyfriend and I didn't want to take advantage of her. I held her and made everything all right, all the while wanting nothing more than to kiss her, to have her again, to be whole, even if only for one night.

I wish to god that I had.

That night near killed me. I'd been suffering from mild depression since a couple of months before she broke up with me, but that night drove me far deeper than I'd gone before. I drank and I didn't sleep and I watched sad films and wrote sad stories and I cried all the time, locking myself away from her, because I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want my grief to make her guilty. I still loved her so much that she came first, above anything. I think I still had a vague hope that maybe, just maybe, we'd get back together. Love like that didn't just stop. It was something unbending and permanent. Sooner or later, we'd be drawn back together.

A few days later, she came and knocked on my door again, saying she needed to talk to me, but she didn't want to do it when I was drunk. I informed her that I was likely to be drunk for the foreseeable future, so she should just tell me whatever it was now.

She'd met someone. It wasn't something she was looking for, but it'd just happened. She liked him and he liked her. She did actually ask whether I was okay and offered to break it off if I wasn't. I wasn't. I really wasn't. But I wouldn't say anything beyond, "That's good. Really pleased for you."

And that was that.

The Earl