Headlines that could be stories of their own

[onehitwanda]

Here's one from the British press today:

Naked opera singer armed with bow and arrow went on rampage at care home

 

[Bamagan]

Here's one from the British press today:

Naked opera singer armed with bow and arrow went on rampage at care home

In the states. stories like that usually start with "Florida Man..."

 

[SimonDoom]

This is a real one:

"US Customs Officials Seize Giraffe Feces From Woman At Minnesota Airport."

 

[Jackie.Hikaru]

Here's one from the British press today:

Naked opera singer armed with bow and arrow went on rampage at care home

I just pictured a woman belting out the Queen of the Night aria while launching arrows into a care home.

p.s. It was a man. Also, very relieved to hear that everyone escaped from the ordeal unscathed.

 

[SimonDoom]

I just pictured a woman belting out the Queen of the Night aria while launching arrows into a care home.

p.s. It was a man. Also, very relieved to hear that everyone escaped from the ordeal unscathed.

If it was a guy, he was probably singing Nessun Dorma: "Vincero! Vincero!"

 

[BobbyLaker]

One I've never forgotten from 1986...

‘Freddie Starr ate my hamster’

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

Here are a few story suggestions from newspaper headlines.
Miners Refuse to Work after Death (or Zombie Workers Strike), Iraqi Head Seeks Arms, Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says, Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers (Also know as the Jaywalkers Must Die article), Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax, Teacher Strikes Idle Kids (A Smack a Day keeps the Wisecracker at Bay), Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant (Dead Offenders don't Repeat), War Dims Hope for Peace (Oy Vey, ya think), Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures, Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges (should've used Duct Tape), Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge (I'm shocked), New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group (As if fat wasn't fat enough), Kids Make Nutritious Snacks (Quote from Boris Karloff), Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors, Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead (Happy Halloween)

 

[Altissimus]

As an Brit Englishman, I'd just like to go on record for saying that 99% of our newspapers suck.

The better writing comes when they start copy-pasting the-platform-formerly-known-as-Twitter messages into an article, and don't add their own take. That's how bad it is.

 

[mirafrida]

Not quite a headline, but an interesting tidbit I'd never heard from an article in Atlantic today

In the first Liberian civil war of the 1990s, a preacher named Joseph Blahyi, who went by the nom de guerre General Butt Naked, led a particularly feared paramilitary unit. Said to be protected by magical amulets, Blahyi’s brigade fought naked to show their confidence that clothes and body armor were unnecessary.

 

[TheRedChamber]

I'm confused - are these supposed to be headlines that could be Literotica stories? Because, while I'm not shaming those with a giraffe faeces kink, I'm not feeling it.

We did have this classic of life immitating Lit mentioned a few months back.

Miss Argentina and Miss Puerto Rico reveal that they are married.

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

I'm confused - are these supposed to be headlines that could be Literotica stories? Because, while I'm not shaming those with a giraffe faeces kink, I'm not feeling it.

We did have this classic of life immitating Lit mentioned a few months back.

Miss Argentina and Miss Puerto Rico reveal that they are married.

You talking to me?

 

[Cali_Love]

Just in the news today . . .

"Florida officials warn citizens that Booty Patrol vehicle is not Border Patrol vehicle"​

 

[MrPixel]

Here you go: https://www.kktv.com/2023/10/31/off...y-say-is-impersonating-border-patrol-vehicle/

 

[TheRedChamber]

You talking to me?

I was addressing the thread in general. But it's okay, @Cali_Love coming through for me.

 

[Djmac1031]

Here's one from the British press today:

Naked opera singer armed with bow and arrow went on rampage at care home

The Slings And Arrows Of Senior Sopranos.

You're welcome.

 

[onehitwanda]

The Slings And Arrows Of Senior Sopranos.

You're welcome.

Get out.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

They mated like mad': Low-flying helicopter sparks massive crocodile orgy in Australia

I suppose you'd have to make them aliens to be suitable for Lit.

 

[Bamagan]

They mated like mad': Low-flying helicopter sparks massive crocodile orgy in Australia

I suppose you'd have to make them aliens to be suitable for Lit.

Some college somewhere probably has crocodiles as a mascot...

 

[WyreBendr0417]

This goes back to my early teens when jacking off was commonly referred to as 'beating off'. This headline has always stuck with me for some reason.
"Elderly Man Beats Off Abductors."

My first thought was, 'Well, that's certainly one way to distract them and make a getaway.'

 

[SandraMaus]

A Newspaper Display with a headline from the Hackney Gazette

' MAN DIES
IN FIREBALL
AGAIN '

 

[onehitwanda]

A new one:

Somerset Gimp banned from wearing a gimp suit in public and 'crawling, wriggling or writhing on the ground' for five years​

 

[MrPixel]

Just in the news today . . .

"Florida officials warn citizens that Booty Patrol vehicle is not Border Patrol vehicle"​

Hmm. I just finished an installment with a scene taking place at a particularly notorious Miami beach where I suspect this pervert plies his wares in that truck. I haven’t uploaded the story yet and wonder if I should work this in. I’ll sleep on it.

 

[StillStunned]

A new one:

Somerset Gimp banned from wearing a gimp suit in public and 'crawling, wriggling or writhing on the ground' for five years​

Is Somerset Gimp the West Country's answer to Forest Gump? I'd watch that movie.

 

[Jackie.Hikaru]

Jusr going to drop this gem from the Washington Post here: