He wont share his fantasies.

[AusTess]

Okay.
here goes.

I've been with my husband for almost 12 years.A little under half of my lifetime.
And in all that time,NEVER once has he shared any of his fantasies with me.
Even when i ask,i get the usual pathetic;I'm thinking of you baby"

Oh puhlease.
How do i get him to loosen up a little?

I have shared mine with him which he threw back in my face during an argument.
Needless to say my fantasies stay in my own head from now on.

I'd just really like to know what he's thinking.

 

[Aussie Worm]

I've been with my girlfriend for a little over a year. We have shared all our fantasies and we plan on acting every one out.

I guess its up to you to take the lead and do stuff to him that you think he will like.

If all else fails. Handcuff him to the bed and beat them out of him

 

[Celestiale]

I can SO relate!!! I've been with my husband for almost 11 1/2 years (since I was 19, I'm 30 now!), married for 10 and I seem to be the only one capable of divulging what I enjoy sexually! Either he has absolutely no imagination, or he's just too embarrassed to tell me. Then again, he could just be afraid of hurting my feelings since I've sort of come to the conclusion that he really finds petite blondes attractive and I'm a 5'9" brunette! There's not too much I can do to change that. I think he would prefer larger breasts too, though I'm a 36C...they just aren't the same after having 2 kids. *sigh*

Anyway, I don't really have advice for ya, but I think that there are a lot of us out there that share the same feelings about this subject.

Oh wait! Last year when we went on a weekend trip away, we went out to an XXX shop and bought a naughty board game. That kind of helped to open up the doors of communication a bit, maybe you could try something like that.

 

[AusTess]

*L*
Aussie Worm,are you boasting?
You shit.*Sniffs*


Okay,I'm 31,been with him since i was 18/19.
And i think he kinda fancies 6ft tall redheads.
but i could be wrong.
I hope not.*l*

As for the weekend away thing?
He likes to do active things,Water ski,bungee jump.
And uh,i like 5 star luxury,spa baths,fluffy robes,porn on the tele,champagne and sex.I like to indulge,take my time,smell the roses,so to speak.
He's more the adrenalin,lets get this over so i can go play kinda guy.
All this sounds awful,but we adore each other.
It's just the sex that's kinda lacking.
Well,not the amount of sex,just the way it's performed.

 

[Price Dog]

Well . . .

One thing is for sure . . . some people are more willing to divulge their fantasies than others. I'm of the opinion, however, that fantasies are better left that way. If you don't have fantasies, what do you have? My last girlfriend told me about her fantasies and we acted them out . . . but after that it's no longer a fantasy because you know what the outcome is and how it feels. I know you can "come up" with new fantasies . . . but you'll run out eventually! Personally, I like fantasies and I like to keep them to myself, although have shared before!

 

[AusTess]

It's not that i want to act them out.
I'd just like to know what makes him tick.
Deep down,ya know?

 

[Price Dog]

AussTess

Yeah, but see, if you know . . . they're not really "fantasies" anymore. I don't know, maybe it's just me.

 

[willywanker]

I've got another thought for you. What if his fantasy turns you off?

My wife and I are pretty open in the bedroom, enjoy the occasionaly porno, no SM or pain but most anything else goes. And she loves anal, yes, that makes me a lucky man. I've explored her hiney with fingers, a dildo, obviously my prick and even my tounge on occasion. So I thought it would be no big deal when I shared a fantasy that I had. I'd like her to play with my ass. No, I'm not gay or bi and have no desire to have anything to do with another guy, but as much as she enjoys it, I thought I might too.

Turns out when I finally get her to fess up, it really turned her off to hear that. She thought of it in gay terms and couldn't get passed that. So now, I'm really pickey about what I share. This may not be his problem, but its a thought.

 

[AusTess]

I might too.
This may not be his problem, but its a thought.

And a bloody good thought at that.
Thanks Willy.
Whle reading your post,i had a thought.
Scarey huh?*l*
Now,when we argued a while back,he threw my fantasy in my face and used it as a weapon.



Maybe he's being clever and leaving me weaponless?
Maybe he's scared i'll throw it back at him,like he did to me?

Just a thought.

 

[Farside]

He is probably insecure about his ability as a lover and jealous of you. Many men cannot accept the idea that their wife or girlfriend could fantasize about anything or anyone other than him. A man wants to think that his sexual prowess is so great that all a woman needs is for him to drop his pants and ram his cock into her and she will drift away in a sea of sexual bliss. I am speaking as a middle aged man that has been married 3 times. If he cannot handle you telling him a fantasy, then don't or you will be looking for a new husband eventually.

 

[It'sasecret]

AusTess,

I feel for ya! My hubby is the same way. Is it were up to him we would have sex maybe once a week, in the same two postions, with nothing new..... When I ask him to share his fantasies I get the same answer as you. I am always ready to try new things but I am kinda left hanging...Maybe we should get together and have fun!!!!!! Hehe!!!!

 

[YanksASluT]

can't say i understand your problem since i'm 19 a virgina can't masturbate and not getting anything in anyway and i'm not even seeing someone..but i really do hope that this works out for you!

 

[willywanker]

Whle reading your post,i had a thought.
Scarey huh?*l*
Now,when we argued a while back,he threw my fantasy in my face and used it as a weapon.



Maybe he's being clever and leaving me weaponless?
Maybe he's scared i'll throw it back at him,like he did to me?

Just a thought. [/B][/QUOTE]

And as you said, Maybe a good thought.
I read a joke one time about a computer being male or female. One of the reasons they thought it was female was "It remembers ever little thing you do and saves it in memory forever." Okay, so thats a little bit over the top but you can't use what you don't have. But even tho my wife isn't comfortable with my fantasy, when she got drunk one night, she did try it, just a little, but she did try. Admitted later she had to be drunk to do it, but if I hadn't said anything, she would never have tried.

Hope it works out. For me, I'm gonna keep taking the chance. Told her last night, I'm not into bondage, but thought a blindfold would be neat, not knowing what was coming next. She seemed to like that one some.

 

[Whispersecret]

Some people have a hard time verbalizing anything to do with sex. I am one of those people.

I read a great book called "Nice Couples Do," which revolves around an idea called bookmarking. Ever since I tried this method of sharing, the sex between my husband and I has improved enormously. We were in a rut the size of the Grand Canyon, and we've been together for almost 20 years.

Here's how it works. Find a magazine or book that has many sexual situations in it. Have your husband bookmark or highlight the sections that excite him or that he would be interested in trying. Then, he leaves it somewhere for you to read. This is a way to communicate about sex without talking. It's a way to introduce new scenarios without direct confrontation.

Best of luck. I'd love to know if it works for you.

 

[Wizard]

Whispersecret.....Thats a great thought .......We have done that here at our house and works great......

 

[Whispersecret]

Wiz, was one of the sections you highlighted going down on a Chinese erotic writer? (Or is that an erotic Chinese writer??)

 

[AusTess]

The bookmarking thing sounds perfect.
I'll give it a bash.

Ya know,it could all go awfully wrong if i used the wrong book.
*How to divorce in 10 easy steps*

Ya think that'd work?

 

[BIG_O_giver]

sharing fantasies

This works both ways. I am a married male (23 years), and my wife has never shared a single fantasy with me. It is frustrating. I've even taken erotic stories, edited in her name, and then let her read them to gauge her reaction. These have included various possibilities like her with another woman, another man, her being gang-banged, hypnotized, using toys (she won't), bondage, etc. Her reaction, she didn't like me doing that, she thinks I'm sick sometimes. So I get off thinking her fantasies must be wilder than even I could imagine.