He broke me

[Ange1icflowers]

met him 19 years ago on here. It went from sexting and online pics to a deep friendship. It became more. I fell in love with him. He said he loved me too. We met for the first time 4ish years ago. Just casual contact was electric. Things progressed. I loved him. Enough that if I hadn’t married my husband I’d have married him.

My husband knew about him. Gave me boundaries. When he came to visit we stayed in the boundaries. He ate my pussy like nothing I’ve ever had. He made me feel sexy and beautiful.

He came back again last month. Things got a bit carried away and while I didn’t cross the boundaries it came damned close. He came on the outside of my Pussy. Me being me, freaked out a bit. Ok more than a bit. I over thought things. I panicked. And I told him.

He ghosted me for several days.

Then he texted me that he had needed to work some things out. That he talked with his therapist snd his therapist said that I’m a toxic person and a terrible human being…because I overthink and overreact. (Right before my period mind you). Then he told me he never wanted to speak to me again and said he wished he’d never met me. Online or in person. Because I overthought and freaked out about being the rare person who gets pregnant w/o penetration. He didn’t even explain. Just “go away I wish we’d never met”. It’s been about 3 weeks now. Some days I’m fine others. Not so much. He broke me. And I hate him for that. I hate me for giving him that power. I told him when we first said I love you that he could easily break me. I knew what I was talking about.

I guess I’m not meant to have close friends or people I love outside of my husband. I love my hubby dearly but there definitely is lacking in our marriage. Just is what it is.

 

[FGB]

I am sorry to hear that. You must be in a lot of pain to risk posting that here!
Just waking up i have several thoughts. One. he needs a new therapist or counselor!

You might benefit from a session or three too.

I know no matter which of the three positions I was in the best ones I went to many years ago, would have worn my ass out for not improving myself and / or the relationships to the point that it would have not worked out that way or would had dissolved itself long ago.

Meanwhile...yes you have some issues both at home and in your head. Now is the second best time to work on them

Then, if you need two men in that kind of relationship you will have the tools to accomplish it. No relationship last forever and you had a good run with this one...

Plus you get the chance to start over and you still have the primary relationship intact.

I bet I could have fucked things even more!

 

[Rotadom]

No therapist made a judgment on you. He's either lying to you or you're lying to us.

 

[FGB]

I had a counselor once that would make Dr. Phil look like a Pussy.

You need a SOB with a heart.

Wouldn't let me get away with fooling myself in any way I knew off and happily informed me about any traps I was setting for myself.

She stayed booked up solid until the day she died...

 

[Rotadom]

I was in the best ones I went to many years ago

I had a counselor once that would make Dr. Phil look like a Pussy.

This isn't about you.

 

[FGB]

No it is not.

 

[Saint_Ann]

Polyamory is not for the thin skinned.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

Perhaps a weekly or daily summary of how you are dealing with this posted here as a public journal might be useful. Perhaps this person might wander in to your thread in silence to see what they have done.

Perhaps by some logical reason, this to shall pass and you will come out the other end with the wear for all to not let it happen to you again.

what’s your husbands take on this ?

if you don’t might sharing that part of this public conversation ….

 

[juttjaw]

I'm wondering, what fucked up boundaries, did the husband have? And why those boundaries even mattered? I highly doubt, the freaking out part had anything to do with his decisions. Sounds like he just got sick of being put in a odd situation over and over again. Love "with boundaries" isn't a feeling that can be maintained. What was good for you, wasn't good enough for him. Let it go.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

It’s quite likely that a handful of meetings (I’m assuming) over two decades and limited sexual contact wasn’t enough for him. It worked for you, and it didn’t work for him. Best to do what you need to do to move forward.

 

[FL30]

You had an affair and you're broken up over it. You made your choice by being with him while still married to your husband. You had a choice, made it and now want us to feel sorry for you?

NOPE

We've all had "one that got away". Put your big girl panties on and get on with life.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

 

[Lady2020]

IDK. 19 years, then 4 years. Persistent, I guess.

 

[pink]

This relationship is wrong on so many levels.

 

[TallMan69]

Holy cow. 15 years is a long time to keep something going in a distance sort of way. You guys must have had something pretty kinetic before it went off the rails. I agree with the other poster that polyamory takes a lot of trust and open communication and even then things can go bad. People usually have baggage and different sets of expectations. Maybe with time you can be more in the ‘better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’ camp. I hope you heal. Maybe if and when you can let go of some of that pain from the break-up try to remember what kept the spark alive for those first 15 years. You guys must have had some amazing correspondence. Maybe journal your way through it. When your emotions are so raw it might be therapeutic to put down on paper what you’re feeling and chronicle with time how you are dealing with things. Maybe think also what you’ve got with your mate. You’ve got one heck of an understanding guy if he let you play with someone within established boundaries. Maybe you guys can role play, read erotica together and explore and push the envelope some with each other to achieve something like what you got from the outside relationship.

 

[IsItBad]

met him 19 years ago on here. It went from sexting and online pics to a deep friendship. It became more. I fell in love with him. He said he loved me too. We met for the first time 4ish years ago. Just casual contact was electric. Things progressed. I loved him. Enough that if I hadn’t married my husband I’d have married him.

My husband knew about him. Gave me boundaries. When he came to visit we stayed in the boundaries. He ate my pussy like nothing I’ve ever had. He made me feel sexy and beautiful.

He came back again last month. Things got a bit carried away and while I didn’t cross the boundaries it came damned close. He came on the outside of my Pussy. Me being me, freaked out a bit. Ok more than a bit. I over thought things. I panicked. And I told him.

He ghosted me for several days.

Then he texted me that he had needed to work some things out. That he talked with his therapist snd his therapist said that I’m a toxic person and a terrible human being…because I overthink and overreact. (Right before my period mind you). Then he told me he never wanted to speak to me again and said he wished he’d never met me. Online or in person. Because I overthought and freaked out about being the rare person who gets pregnant w/o penetration. He didn’t even explain. Just “go away I wish we’d never met”. It’s been about 3 weeks now. Some days I’m fine others. Not so much. He broke me. And I hate him for that. I hate me for giving him that power. I told him when we first said I love you that he could easily break me. I knew what I was talking about.

I guess I’m not meant to have close friends or people I love outside of my husband. I love my hubby dearly but there definitely is lacking in our marriage. Just is what it is.

Your story is so sad but perhaps try to look at it like you saw the true colors of the person. Had he loved you even the least amount he would never have been such an ass to you. Sadly, it sounds as if he was just one of the zillions who was just in it to see what he could get out of you. Who really knows a person? What I know is, if you truly love someone, you can't just throw them away. Its like that song "someone that i used to know". People who love people can not act that way. I am sorry for your pain and sadness but you are better off without a person like that. I know the pain and suffering from such a situation very well though and I am sorry it hurts so bad.

 

[Ange1icflowers]

I am sorry to hear that. You must be in a lot of pain to risk posting that here!
Just waking up i have several thoughts. One. he needs a new therapist or counselor!

You might benefit from a session or three too.

I know no matter which of the three positions I was in the best ones I went to many years ago, would have worn my ass out for not improving myself and / or the relationships to the point that it would have not worked out that way or would had dissolved itself long ago.

Meanwhile...yes you have some issues both at home and in your head. Now is the second best time to work on them

Then, if you need two men in that kind of relationship you will have the tools to accomplish it. No relationship last forever and you had a good run with this one...

Plus you get the chance to start over and you still have the primary relationship intact.

I bet I could have fucked things even more!

My husband and I went away for a few nights together. It was lovely…and fun. Thanks for the no judgement. Most days now I seem to be doing better. Still have moments.

I already talked to my therapist about the whole thing. She agreed that either he needs a new therapist or he was just bullshitting. And she told me that by acknowledging that I have a tendency to overthink and overreact is a really good step for MY mental health. It will take time.
My husband has been great throughout all of this.

As I saw someone say: polyamory isn’t for everyone. I certainly stuck with the “one person to love this way all your life” idea…until I found myself in love with 2 people. I learned I’m a complex person emotionally. But perhaps I’m not totally cut out for the “baggage” that comes with.

 

[Ange1icflowers]

Your story is so sad but perhaps try to look at it like you saw the true colors of the person. Had he loved you even the least amount he would never have been such an ass to you. Sadly, it sounds as if he was just one of the zillions who was just in it to see what he could get out of you. Who really knows a person? What I know is, if you truly love someone, you can't just throw them away. Its like that song "someone that i used to know". People who love people can not act that way. I am sorry for your pain and sadness but you are better off without a person like that. I know the pain and suffering from such a situation very well though and I am sorry it hurts so bad.

Thanks for your kind words. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with it yourself.

 

[zipper01us]

Polyamory is not for the thin skinned.

I have always wanted to know someone that was in this kind of relationship and how it really goes !

 

[rockcasbah]

met him 19 years ago on here. It went from sexting and online pics to a deep friendship. It became more. I fell in love with him. He said he loved me too. We met for the first time 4ish years ago. Just casual contact was electric. Things progressed. I loved him. Enough that if I hadn’t married my husband I’d have married him.

My husband knew about him. Gave me boundaries. When he came to visit we stayed in the boundaries. He ate my pussy like nothing I’ve ever had. He made me feel sexy and beautiful.

He came back again last month. Things got a bit carried away and while I didn’t cross the boundaries it came damned close. He came on the outside of my Pussy. Me being me, freaked out a bit. Ok more than a bit. I over thought things. I panicked. And I told him.

He ghosted me for several days.

Then he texted me that he had needed to work some things out. That he talked with his therapist snd his therapist said that I’m a toxic person and a terrible human being…because I overthink and overreact. (Right before my period mind you). Then he told me he never wanted to speak to me again and said he wished he’d never met me. Online or in person. Because I overthought and freaked out about being the rare person who gets pregnant w/o penetration. He didn’t even explain. Just “go away I wish we’d never met”. It’s been about 3 weeks now. Some days I’m fine others. Not so much. He broke me. And I hate him for that. I hate me for giving him that power. I told him when we first said I love you that he could easily break me. I knew what I was talking about.

I guess I’m not meant to have close friends or people I love outside of my husband. I love my hubby dearly but there definitely is lacking in our marriage. Just is what it is.

Pregnant without penetration?

I think I dated you in high school….

 

[2tallpaul]

Better question is to work on your marriage or get out. The on line relationship was built on wet sand.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I have always wanted to know someone that was in this kind of relationship and how it really goes !

I tried it with a partner who had always been poly. It worked well until we added yet another person into the mix. Not sure if it was adding a third woman or if it was the fact that she was my friend first, but our relationship fizzled rapidly at that point. And I lost them both, two of my best friends, really. If I could go back, I would have stuck with friendship only with both. I miss them.

 

[petes478]

met him 19 years ago on here. It went from sexting and online pics to a deep friendship. It became more. I fell in love with him. He said he loved me too. We met for the first time 4ish years ago. Just casual contact was electric. Things progressed. I loved him. Enough that if I hadn’t married my husband I’d have married him.

My husband knew about him. Gave me boundaries. When he came to visit we stayed in the boundaries. He ate my pussy like nothing I’ve ever had. He made me feel sexy and beautiful.

He came back again last month. Things got a bit carried away and while I didn’t cross the boundaries it came damned close. He came on the outside of my Pussy. Me being me, freaked out a bit. Ok more than a bit. I over thought things. I panicked. And I told him.

He ghosted me for several days.

Then he texted me that he had needed to work some things out. That he talked with his therapist snd his therapist said that I’m a toxic person and a terrible human being…because I overthink and overreact. (Right before my period mind you). Then he told me he never wanted to speak to me again and said he wished he’d never met me. Online or in person. Because I overthought and freaked out about being the rare person who gets pregnant w/o penetration. He didn’t even explain. Just “go away I wish we’d never met”. It’s been about 3 weeks now. Some days I’m fine others. Not so much. He broke me. And I hate him for that. I hate me for giving him that power. I told him when we first said I love you that he could easily break me. I knew what I was talking about.

I guess I’m not meant to have close friends or people I love outside of my husband. I love my hubby dearly but there definitely is lacking in our marriage. Just is what it is.

For what it’s worth I think the problem is within his own mind. Not anything to do with you.

 

[Anchor10]

Hi I am sorry things ended bad for you. You sound like I nice person to have a friend. Hope you have found a new chat buddy. If not love to chat with you

 

[Garnate]

I agree that the "therapist" was a cop-out. A scape goat.
How much freaking out did you do after worrying you'd get pregnant without having sex?
Either way, I'm sorry you're hurting.