Have you disowned a sibling?

[WriterDom]

We have a split family. There is me and my oldest brother. Then the two "twins" who are 11 months apart. A brother and sister. They are just like my mom. They would dig a ten foot hole if they thought a dollar was there. I love them both but it's a little hard to deal with at times.

 

[gothic_nymph]

We have a split family. There is me and my oldest brother. Then the two "twins" who are 11 months apart. A brother and sister. They are just like my mom. They would dig a ten foot hole if they thought a dollar was there. I love them both but it's a little hard to deal with at times.

I have a brother that has been addicted to drugs and alcohol since he was 16... I've never disowned him... I may not like what he does to himself and to others. but he's still my brother, and I love him because of that.. But... he's very hard to deal with... So I do try and keep my distance.

 

[FurryFury]

I have no siblings although my mom was once fucking a now ex friend of mine that was one year younger than me and which she told folks was her son.

It's funny, I didn't mind her fucking him but they lied to everyone about what they were doing and didn't use disease or birth control consistently and also fucked others at the same time. They said they were "helping" one another but instead they were both spinning way out of control.

*sigh*

I've always wanted a big happy family. The key word there is happy. I hope someday that my kids and their partners and their kids will be all Big Chill and hang together nicely with me and my husband. But people are just difficult fractious things so who knows?

Many of my relatives are very toxic and difficult but I was raised to be loyal and love them even when you don't like them and keep your distance except for required holidays.

A few years ago my little family tried to attend a big family reunion which was so disastrous to us that I haven't been able to bring myself to return. I'd like to but the pain is still too great.

Soon I'm going on a trip and I've just been made aware that some family from that side are living where I'm going. I don't know them at all. I'm not sure I want to deal with them. I'm contemplating. Often visiting with stranger relatives is stressful. This trip is supposed to be fun.

Other relatives down there are loving and tolerant. I enjoy seeing them. They are from another side of the family and I know them. They have taken paths less traveled.

 

[WriterDom]

I have 18 or so cousins on one side. One my age just got caught selling drugs for the second time in just a few years. He should have left the area after the first time. Got caught up in his same lousy set of friends. He probably won't do much time. South Carolina has no jail space and no money. They let him walk out with no bail.

 

[Marquis]

I've always wanted a big happy family.

Me too.

I hope to have one of my own one day.

 

[graceanne]

No, although I've avoided them like the plague on occasion. My dad's family are very self centered and shallow. They can be very hurtful and not even realize that they hurt you cause they're so absorbed in themselves. They're the kind of person who (for instance) if someone comes up to me and says 'oh, I hear you have scoliosis' will interrupt to go on and on about their back problems. It probably wouldn't be so bad, but I usually let them because I'm not playing the 'lets talk about me' game.

We did have nothing to do with K's brother for several years. He's a recovering crank addict, but he wasn't recovering at the time. He was very violent and vile. We didn't want his racism to spread to our kids, so we had nothing to do with him.

 

[Marquis]

Family problems can really suck the life out of you.

It's a terrible thing to have to endure, when those who we hope to hold our happiness closest to their heart seem to care about almost anything else more.

The world is a fucked up place. Most of the time the people who seem to have little to offer have been through more pain than we can imagine.

 

[graceanne]

Family problems can really suck the life out of you.

It's a terrible thing to have to endure, when those who we hope to hold our happiness closest to their heart seem to care about almost anything else more.

The world is a fucked up place. Most of the time the people who seem to have little to offer have been through more pain than we can imagine.

Friends are God's way of apologizing for your family.

 

[bitchee62]

How about a sibling in law? She is one of the most selfish and self centered people I have ever known. When her mother had less than 2 weeks left in her battle with cancer she breaks her word to her other siblings and feels “compelled” to tell their mom that their father has been cheating on her and that all of the family knows. Amazingly that same day she (sister in law) gets her mom to change her life insurance and give her permission to go and get the heirlooms (read anything she could pack in to her truck) from their parent’s house.
Yes all of the siblings did know about the cheating and also knew that their mother had been looking the other way over their father’s infidelities for many years. Therefore they had an agreement that they would not tell their mom (that they knew)since that would just cause her pain for no reason.
I just do not understand how a few thousand dollars and some things are worth the pain that she gave her mother.
Sad to say this is not the only example of her lack of compassion/empathy some of the others are just as bad maybe worse. We all try and avoid her as much as possible with the exception of my Husband he promised his mother he would try and keep the family in touch and together. He is much more forgiving than anyone else can bring themselves to be.
Sorry long rant the topic seems to have hit a sore spot.

 

[Gilroygal69]

I have two sisters, one of whom I am somewhat estranged from. I say "somewhat" because I do see her. She lives in the same town where I grew up and where the rest of my family still resides. We visit about twice a year, usually for ten days to two weeks. I might see her one time while we're there and it is always very strained.

It's a long story as to why our relationship is bad. We were never extremely close anyway because of the difference in our ages and because I moved away when she was still in elemetary school.

But mostly it stems from her relationship with a lazy no good bastard who sucks the life out of her and who has caused her to waste all her amazing potential. She defends him at all costs. She puts him before anybody else. It has resulted in strained relationships between not only she and I, but my parents and my other sister as well.

I've tried to talk to her about it, but it has only made things worse. It might sound melodramatic, but honestly, I think he has brainwashed her to some degree.

 

[WriterDom]

My sister and her husband lived in Saudi Arabia for years and years. He was in the banking business. When they got back they took their time finding a house. And would stay at my brother's for weeks at a time. Drinking his wine and liquor, eating the food, and not offering to pay for anything. He finally got fed up and told them enough. Six years later and they are still upset about it.

My sister is so cheap that she won't serve beef. So if her husband hears that we are going camping or something and having steak, he's ready to go. And I'd guess they had a million or so dollars in the bank before the market crashed. A lot of it was tax free from SA.

Once my mother's best friend got kicked out of the house by her daughter and dropped off at my mother's house with no phone call. The only clothes she had were on her back. My mother had about 6 closets full of clothes so I let her take about 3 jogging suits. My sister just went through the roof when she heard I did that. You would think I gave her three buckets of gold or something. My mother was the exact same way. That's where she learned I guess.

Someone gave the church about a 6 piece set of China to give to the poor. My mother said it was too nice for the poor and took it home. My sister laughs when she tells that story. I think it's fucked up. They just sat in her house. She never used them. I should take them back to the church. I might get 50 dollars for them but that would be tainted money. No, I know this black lady who helps a lot of people in town. I'll just take it to her and tell her to make sure someone with a large family gets them. God knows people are hurting now.

 

[bitchee62]

I guess I must be defective or something, I just can't see most things as important enough to hurt someone over. I think that most people forget that you can't take it with you.

 

[Netzach]

My grandmother will probably be buried like an egyptian and her headstone will read "I know you will all just ruin it so I'm keeping it."

I don't have any estranged personally. I live far away for a reason, but I'm on speaking terms.

There's often a "that side of the family" that no one talks to. That would be the west coast peeps, my grandmother's sister et al. They're finally talking after like 30 years or something.

 

[WriterDom]

Then I have two cousins who killed my uncle and got away with it. Either one or both of them. One of them really fell apart later in life. I imagine guilt would do that to a person. If you get millions and die poor that tells you a lot. He isn't dead yet. I'd love to have a conversation about it when he gets in a nursing home and I don't have to worry about him killing me. Tell me about the night your feeble rich father shot himself in the chest not once but twice with a 357 magnum. The state did reopen the case 5 years later but no charges were filed.

 

[bitchee62]

Then I have two cousins who killed my uncle and got away with it. Either one or both of them. One of them really fell apart later in life. I imagine guilt would do that to a person. If you get millions and die poor that tells you a lot. He isn't dead yet. I'd love to have a conversation about it when he gets in a nursing home and I don't have to worry about him killing me. Tell me about the night your feeble rich father shot himself in the chest not once but twice with a 357 magnum. The state did reopen the case 5 years later but no charges were filed.

This is the kind of thing that makes me happy that my father in law is dead, He had a nasty habit of looking at other people and seeing $$$. I started to feel like I had a very short shelf life, after he figured out that I was the one keeping my Husband from continuing to give him $500-$1500 a month.

 

[Shadowann2]

I am not estranged from any of my family. I am very close to my one brother and sister. They live halfway across the country from me, so I only get to see them once a year. My other brother lives about 2 hours from me, and we are sorta close, but between the fact that he is 8 years younger than me and hasn't experienced a fraction of what I have, and the fact that he is the "perfect" child, there is some resentment there. He is graduating from college this weekend, going to the Dominican Republic to volunteer for a month, and then going on to medical school so he can take over my dad's medical practice. He has always walked the line; done everything that dad expected of him, and me...well, I did none of those things. I love him, and he is a great person, but we'll never be that close. He's just everything I'm not, and I have no desire to be.

I did disown a SIL before, though. She and her brother (my fiancé at the time) got into a fight that turned slightly physical. They both have vastly different versions of what happened, but the stupid thing is that it all started over a sippy cup for my kids. Any way, she called the cops on him and had him arrested, in front of our kids, 9 days before our wedding! Then she proceeded to call everyone in the family with her sob story about how he beat her up (while she was pregnant). Consequently, only about half the people who RSVPed showed up for our wedding. Instead of 75 people, we had 30! We wasted alot of money! She eventually dropped the charges, but we refused to have anything to do with her, or allow her around our children for the duration of our marriage. I understand that he has since reconciled with her, but I will never have anything to do with her, even if she is my kids' aunt.

 

[Submissive42]

I have a brother that has spent almost half of his life in one jail or another. And when he was out and I split from my ex he gave my ex all my information where to find me etc. Even though he knew I had a restraining order against the ex. Oh yeah nice brother.

 

[unregistered]

 

[LocaChica]

I had/have a sister who is 2 years older than me. The last time I saw her was when she was visiting my children and I for a few days. My daughter who was 10 yrs old at the time had to jumb into the pool at 10 am to save her from drowning. She was so drugged up she passed out and fell in. That night during dinner she was drunk and stoned on meds that she again passed out. This time face first into her plate of pasta right in front of my children. Prior to these incidents I had emptied my bank account and kids college funds numerous times to put her through rehab. I was so disgusted I left her right there with her face in her plate till morning. When I awoke the next morning I packed her suitcase, woke her up and drove her to the airport. I told her I would not allow her behavior to continue in front of my children. I informed her that I loved her but I would no more be a part of her self destructive existence. I went on to say that until she stopped the drugs and the booze I would have no further contact with her and she was no longer welcome in my home. That was 9 years ago I 've never spoken or seen her since as she is still drinking and getting high. What a waste of a life but I learned a extremely important, heartbreaking and costly lesson. I learned that no one can be helped unless they want to be helped.

 

[carrie-on]

I have 9 brothers and sisters and only keep in constant contact with 3 of them. A sister and a brother in Alaska and a brother in South Carolina. Since my Mom died in 2002 (she was the glue that held us together) I haven't SEEN any of them. About 10 yrs ago, my younger sister called and asked me if her then 12 y/o son could come live with us. He had taken a lighter shaped like a gun to school and was expelled. We agreed on the condition that he stay with us until he was 18 or graduated from school, whichever came first. She agreed, we even went through the court system to have full guardianship of him for medical reasons, school stuff, etc. He was doing great until my Mom died. We went to Ohio for her funeral and while we were there agreed to let Matt stay with his Mom and siblings while we were there. Big mistake! He had grown quite a bit while living with us and he could outwrestle his stepdad and brothers and became "MR.Bigshit" When he came home, He tried to outwrestle my Hubby and failed miserably. 3 days later, he went to school and told them that Hubby and I had been abusing him the whole time he lived with us. (3 yrs). Social Services showed up at school to talk with him and he told them that if he had to come back here, he would run away. There was no proof ever, that we had abused him, nothing any of the teachers had to say showed that they even suspected any kind of abuse but he was taken to a group home in town and then after a week sent back to his Mom. All charges were dropped against Hubby and I. He has called and left nasty,threatening messages on our answering machine, My sister has called and told us how awful he is,not going to school, doing drugs, stealing cars, hitting her and his siblings and how it's all our fault because he had been living with us. I told her I'm sorry she feels that way and hung up. Several of my other brothers and sisters have taken her side and now we don't talk very often. BTW, she is homeless and living in a van with her youngest two boys and they are now getting into all kinds of trouble, too.
Sorry about the long rant and rave here.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I've come close.

My sister and I have never been close and growing up we were as different as we could possibly be. She was the pretty, blonde popular one and I was the awkward lump in the corner. Going through school, she spread rumours and even encourage people who bullied me. To this day I have no clue why.

Now, she's very materialistic and worries a great deal about how she looks and what people think of her. I am completely the opposite and it causes conflict. I have a nice, comfy, 'lived-in' home and she has a showpiece that could have fallen off the back of a TV design programme. We are simply destined never to have anything in common.

The real conflict came when my mother became terminally ill. My sister would panic whenever mum failed at something and wanted her hustled into a home or hospice before the neighbours realised what was happening. She was ashamed of mum and ashamed to be seen with her. She resented that mum was ill at all and insisted it was 'unfair' that we had to look after her because mum had no husband or partner. Mum didn't meet her boyfriend (now partner) for nearly three years because my sister was ashamed of her and even then, it was a chance meeting because my sister was in hospital at the time. I had to fight with her for mum's dignity and independence and my regard for her plummeted even further accordingly. My sister was also unimpressed when mum was on incapacity benefit for years and her savings dwindled. She wanted to take the cash from mum's account and divide it between us so it wouldn't be 'wasted.'

Now, we see each other once or twice a year at family gatherings for form's sake. We're civil but that's about it. She doesn't approve of my life choices and I've never been wild about hers. I imagine we'll simply drift apart until we lose touch. I really can't say I'll be upset when we do.

 

[curvacious]

have a cousin that is a sociopath. he stole from family and ended up in jail a fe times but of course that was never his fault.

haven't spoken to my father other than at family gatherings once or twice a year and we live within a 1/2 hour of one another. he and my mom divorced when i was a baby and i lived with mom. he made many promises when i was growing up (ie helping out with getting a car, tires) that never ended up happening. i lived with him for a short time when i was going to college. he came home drunk one night yelling about having to help out his kids (me and his other kids by 2nd wife). i got kicked out within a couple of months. apparently in his world your no longer a parent the moment your child is 18. I can't understand not helping out your children even when they're "adults" if they're trying to become responsible citizens of the world.

 

[bitchee62]

VelvetDarkness
Maybe your sister and my sister in law are twins separated at birth? I find it hilarious that my sister in law tells everyone she is the nice one and she is just so overwhelmingly empathic she always! knows how people are feeling. Sometimes I have to leave the room and have a laugh/scream when she starts telling people this. Sometimes I just laugh in her face (this one makes me feel better).
I am sorry you had to fight her for your mothers basic dignities, Thank the Mother I have no living blood Sib's. When my mom was ready to stop living alone I only had to fight my cousins to have her live with me. They wanted her to live with them; I won. Although I did have to give them summer visitation.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

VelvetDarkness
Maybe your sister and my sister in law are twins separated at birth? I find it hilarious that my sister in law tells everyone she is the nice one and she is just so overwhelmingly empathic she always! knows how people are feeling. Sometimes I have to leave the room and have a laugh/scream when she starts telling people this. Sometimes I just laugh in her face (this one makes me feel better).
I am sorry you had to fight her for your mothers basic dignities, Thank the Mother I have no living blood Sib's. When my mom was ready to stop living alone I only had to fight my cousins to have her live with me. They wanted her to live with them; I won. Although I did have to give them summer visitation.

Yeah, this is something that really irks me. Within the family now she's still far better than I am at PR. Nobody would ever think she had a selfish bone in her body. She badmouths me and always have, so I start out at a disadvantage whenever I see people. It's at the point now where I'm drifting from other family members specifically because they believe everything she says.

I'm too old and too tired for this shit. I simply refuse to play her games and then I lose by default.

 

[philosophygirl]

yes, one of my brothers. Long story short: idiot.

I can not depend on my family---very strange lot. Not big on being reliable or trustworthy or human. But I do help them when they need it.