Have to do something, but what?

[phunkymonk]

I'll try not to make this too long, but I do want to give some decent background so I can some helpful responses.

I've been with my wife for about 7 years and married nearly 3. Before we married I had a few bi experiences and enjoyed them all. I knew my wife wasn't interested in anything outside of hetero sex, but it really wasn't that big of a deal when we meet (and up until just recently for that matter). I tried bringing up the subject twice, but it was stopped after about the frist sentence each time. She wasn't disgusted or mean - she just didn't want to talk about it. At that time it was no big deal. I was falling in love with her, I wasn't addicted to bi sex, and I knew any committed relationship would mean monogamy.

After being together for 7 years sexually things got a bit stale. So we started in on fantasies and toys. I very hesistantly brought up my bi fantisies and was shut down again just as I had been in the past. That was three months ago. Sex has been totally dead since. I don't feel comfortable and she doesn't want to talk. She only wants the same sex we've been having since the beginning. Asside from sex we have a great a marriage. Any suggestions?

 

[millman96]

Hey Man

I totaly know where you're comming from. I have been married for almost 24 years(will be this summer) and I have mentioned on numerous occations of trying mmf or ffm or another couple even and get shot down every time. She is just saticfied with straight missionary sex. I'm bored out of my skull and have told her that. She just tells me, "sorry, I don't know what you want me to do about it". Well I've done something about it, several times....lol. There are a lot of women out there that are open minded and know how to have fun and please a man.

I have yet to experiance a bi incounter, but the thought is very intriguing, and I know if the right situation comes along I will try it. I do know reading the stories of glory holes and first time gay males really get my motor running.

Good luck with your wife. I know it can be frustrating, but a guys gatta do what he can to stay happy. I hate sneeking around on her and used to feel guilty about it, but I've been very careful not to hurt her.

I've even mentioned her comming here to lit and chatting with all the good folks here and see if I couldn't get her to open up a little. I'm still working on that one.....lol.

I know that wasn't much help, but Thanks for letting me vent...lol.

Good luck.....Millman

 

[phunkymonk]

Thanks for posting millman. Right now I'm trying everything I can think of to keep from cheating. I'd try swaping emails and phone sex (M or F) if it will give me an outlet. Hell, just posting at least let me beath for a second.

 

[millman96]

Hello again

Thanks for posting millman. Right now I'm trying everything I can think of to keep from cheating. I'd try swaping emails and phone sex (M or F) if it will give me an outlet. Hell, just posting at least let me beath for a second.

When things get really boring at home, I find the chatrooms a pretty good place to release some tentions. The only problem with chat is that it's hard to type with one hand.....lol.

Just a thought.

 

[Mikijl Dragon]

Some chartrooms and instant message programs have voice capabilities.

No need to type and cheaper then LD phone calls.

This is just a thought and may not work for you...
Download some bi/gay porn and make it easy to find but kinda like you took a little effort to hide it. When she does find it and confronts you, you can have your talk.

 

[shelleb4]

have to do something, but what?

this is the female perspective:
Dull sex is dull sex, your having it, or none at all, and she's having it too. So you brought up the possibilities of fantasies? Did you wait until she'd tried a few tame ones out first, got the benefits of suspending her embarassment, or did you just come right out with the bi one? If so, maybe you could undo that, and go back to the safer topics, see if you cant spark something of interest for the both of you. A man fantasising about another man, is pretty difficult to cater for in the bedroom if your female !

For me and a few of my girlfriends who have found themselves in the position you describe. Monogamy means monogamy. You her and no one else! That is what you agreed to.

If your saying that you want to involve another. Ask permission first.
If you want to explore your bisexual side in a chat room. ask permission first. Some women will still class this as infidelity.

Dont lie and cheat. Dont deceive. Be honest - this time at least. You love this woman, she doesnt deserve your lies. If you dont love her, then leave.

Yeah, you can type with one hand. But for how long? How long before you 'bump' into someone in a chat room who lives round the corner? It happens, as i suspect you may of hoped, i mean heard.

Your married, be faithful. If your not going to be faithful, be safe. If you chose to persue your bisexuality, you are going to need to be in a good head space to deal with the feelings this brings you. Guilt over adultery, is not a good head space to be in. So dont add to your problems.

And good luck, your in a really difficult position. Treat your wife how you would wish her to treat you, if the role was reversed.