...have an orgasm.

[ammre]

Yeah.. this seems like a really stupid question.. but i've asked it many times and i still haevn't found an answer that works.. i was hoping opening it up to the public would help me get more varied responses... and maybe some people who understand...
I have never had an oragsm with anyone but myself... and it's getting really damn frustrating. I've had 3 full blown sexual partners in my time and all 3 of them were not the type that would take what they wanted and go. they tried to help me. Right now i'm on that 3rd partner and we've been in a wonderful loving relationship for 8 months, but it's getting so frustrating that i can't have an orgasm with him.
We've tried many things that have potential to turn me on... and i do get turned on but i never get the big finish he'll spend over an hour trying to find the right thing untill i wind up just getting bored and asking him to finish. While sex itself is fun, i've had to add things to my sex life to spice it up so that i don't just get bored.
I get off on my stomach with a lot of pressure on the area over my clit, not directly on the clit. I have no clue how to replay that position with my lover involved (and no it's not modesty.. i've done it right next to him)
ehh i don't know what else to say but if anyone has any advice or any way to help.. it would be well appriciated...

 

[Guest]

 

[Pixie Mischief]

I know too well.. I'm not gonna masterbate for a long time before he comes here next time. should be able to make me cum then. I'm not aloud to masterbate for 7 days before he comes here.
I can cum on my own but he hasnt been able to himself. only way hes managed was with toys. tell your partner to get a vibrating egg on your clit. I promise you.. you will come LOL

you might want to start to try cumming with him with toys.. because it may not only be him that doesnt know how... but also it could be a personal issue like shyness or something.

I know he and I have alot more work next visit for geting me to cum LOL

 

[ammre]

heh.. we've tried quite a few things... he just bought us 4 whips we've found some intrest in bondage and such... i have tried many ways of exploration... like other orafaces and bodily stimulation but even alone it's the one single position that get me off... the whole vibrating thing... often when my clit is touched straight on it can hurt or be too sensitive.. i dont' know if i could do a vibrator.
and i've read several of the books... i've tried the sensual massage and i've tried the touches and expierences (considering the kama sutra is more about foreplay and getting up to the act of sex.. with some parts intercourse related)

 

[SexyChele]

You are fortunate that you are realizing your frustration and want to do something about it after only 3 partners. I had more than I could count and was 30 years old before I acheived an orgasm with anothers - and without the use of anything but his wonderful lips and tongue!

First? Try to relax. Don't making getting the big "O" the end all, be all. You are sharing an intimacy with your partner - enjoy it. Tell him the same thing. If you feel too much pressure to cum, you probably won't. If he feels too much pressure to get you there, he will begin to feel frustrated. Relax and enjoy each other. The first time I orgasmed with a partner, it was because I had given up and decided to let him continue to go down on me as that was what he wanted to do. I was actually thinking about other things, but I was very relaxed. Next thing I knew - BAM! Surprised us both!

Second, it sounds as if you have a very particular position that you need to be in to orgasm. Nothing wrong with that. I'm the same way - if the position isn't right, nothing is going to happen. It sounds as if this position might work for you: straddle your partner and place his penis inside of you. Lean down on top of him as though he were part of the bed and see if you can orgasm from grinding the area above your clit against his pubic bone. You might want to skip putting his penis in you the first few times - I have difficulty achieving an orgasm when there is something moving inside me, at least the first one.

Does your partner do oral on you? This is the only way I've discovered I can orgasm with another person. If he does, it sounds as though he needs to stay clear of your clit. Have him concentrate just below it, while applying pressure with the palm of his hand just above your clit. (again, trying to copy what you do to yourself)

Try using toys and see if that helps. Try to find out if they can help you achieve orgasm in different positions or if you must assume the regular position.

Try to calm your frustration down. It's not going to help you or your partner. You can both find a way together. But you need to relax and have fun while doing it!

Good luck!

 

[ammre]

By the way thank you to all who post advice.. it's appriciated weather it works or not...

 

[Pixie Mischief]

heh.. we've tried quite a few things... he just bought us 4 whips we've found some intrest in bondage and such... i have tried many ways of exploration... like other orafaces and bodily stimulation but even alone it's the one single position that get me off... the whole vibrating thing... often when my clit is touched straight on it can hurt or be too sensitive.. i dont' know if i could do a vibrator.
and i've read several of the books... i've tried the sensual massage and i've tried the touches and expierences (considering the kama sutra is more about foreplay and getting up to the act of sex.. with some parts intercourse related)

hes way too rough with my clit. he just doesnt seem to be able to. hopefully we will have better luck next time LOL But I'm hard to get to cum.. I have no problem on my own usualy but still. when I play too much (not aloud anymore ) it can take me up to 2 hours.. try to not masterbate for a week.... then have him go down on you.

 

[Guest]

 

[Pixie Mischief]

BF seems to think licking hard does the trick doesnt LOL soft feels better.. for me..

I know he wants me to tell him how everything feels well god he wnats me to tell him what to do I prefer the other way around

<- is a shy girl

 

[billwindows]

has your partner tried giving you oral-sex in the G-spot. There are pretty good sites out there that tell you to find this magical spot that lets you cum for long. can't bother to give them now, but if you want, pm me and i will try to find it. mostly with experience, you can find it automatically. i should know. Anyway since you said you had an interest in bondage, have you tried to organize a fake kidnapping/rescue. Another guy 'kidnaps' you and then rapes you and then your partner stumbles into and rescues you and then he has sex with you. It would do wonders for your orgasm, because of the hero stuff, i think. good luck and hope you get an orgasm with a partner.

 

[Pixie Mischief]

ack way too extreme for me.. I was almost raped. thats real enough.. To each there own thought I guess.

 

[RoughPlay]

> I get off on my stomach with a lot of pressure on the area over my clit,
> not directly on the clit. I have no clue how to replay that position
> with my lover involved

Ammre maybe you have already tried this but how about doing it exactly the
way you would do it on your own except use your partner's hand instead of
yours. If he is anything like me then he will have no idea what to do
unless you tell him with precise instructions, demonstrations and constant
ongoing updates (harder, softer, higher, lower).

Place his hand and fingers exactly where you want it and demonstrate how
you want him to move them. Don't assume he will some how know or work it
out. He will only know what to do if you tell him and keep telling him all
the way. If you feel awkward having to do this bare in mind that most men
would love to get directions and feedback of this nature, I certainly would.
If it doesn't work at first then try again on another night and then on
another.


> the whole vibrating thing... often when my clit is touched straight on
> it can hurt or be too sensitive.. i dont' know if i could do a vibrator

Based on my wife's experience I would very strongly recommend trying a
vibrator. It does not have to go directly on the clit. You can use it where
ever you like. If one vibrator does not work then try others with different
vibrating characteristics. My wife tried one and it did not work for her
and then some years later she tried another which works every time. Your
partner would be able to use the vibrator on you which can definitely be
fun. However you would still need to tell him exactly what to do with it.
He won't know unless you tell him exactly where, how hard and with what
motion.


Incidentally I have the opposite problem and cum too quickly with my wife.
This is better than not cumming at all but its still rather frustrating.
I've read all the books, etc and have plenty of advice but making anything
work in practice is the tricky bit. Thinking of dead cats or Margaret
Thatcher naked on a cold winters day does slow things down but its not much
fun and I tend to go soft (who wouldn't) and it all ends up being very half
hearted.

 

[ammre]

thank you for your advice and i'm sorry to hear about your problem... did you know they were going to try and make condoms with a slight anastetic on them?

 

[shescurious]

Control issues possibly...

When a person lets another bring them to orgasm it is akin to giving that person complete control of thier body and mind. For many it is impossible to relinquish that self control. Hence no orgasms.

It took me a long time to figure out that I wasn't orgasming with my partner because I refused to give him that much control over me. Yeah I was kind of a control freak in that sense.

Once I realized my problem I concentrated on letting go and while I don't cum always, when I am with a person I can trust completely the orgasms do come.

So maybe you have self control issues.

Good Luck,
Shescurious

 

[RoughPlay]

Ammre I have not heard of anaesthetic condoms but it sounds like a reasonable
idea.

Some of my best 'performances' have been when I was a bit detached mentally.
Usually this would be if I had slept badly several nights in a row perhaps
combined with some stressful meetings at work. I would last much longer than
normal and perhaps even indefinitely with none sexy thoughts, whilst retaining
full hardness. Mental attitude (conscious and unconscious) is definitely important
but difficult to control and probably impossible to control fully.

The exact nature of the physical stimulation is also important. I last
indefinitely when my wife is on top. I use to really like this as I could just
lie back and let her do all the work and no worries about duration. Sadly she did
not like being on top. Life can be cruel sometimes.


When you are masturbating on your own what, if anything, do you think about
to help make you cum ?

What do you think about while trying to cum with your boyfriend ?

 

[ammre]

*sigh*

when i masturibate i think about my boyfriend pounding into me... so.. when he's pounding into me i don't even have to visualize it...
Honestly.. i think shescurious has it right... i've never been high or drunk becasue i dont' like the idea of loosing full control of myself... orgasms are sort of a high too... but i have no lue how to let go... even with the guy i love.

 

[RoughPlay]

> i've never been high or drunk becasue i dont' like the idea of
> loosing full control of myself...

Ammre I have a similar attitude to retaining control of my body and more
importantly my mind.


> but i have no clue how to let go... even with the guy i love

Something that would help me in an analogous situation would be to
have a routine of being with my partner every evening and just being
naked together, touching and holding each other. There might be some
pounding but a far larger amount of time would be spent just relaxing
with hands/fingers/cocks placed on/in each others pussy, cock, anus, etc.

I would also want them to encourage me to do this and say how comfortable
they are with it (and genuinely mean it) regardless of what is placed where.
I would give similar encouragement in return.

This would occur night after night and I would know it was always going
to be there for me and was not suddenly going to be snatched away. This
would help me become truly relaxed with this partner and avoid any form of
tensing up that could inhibit my erection or orgasm.

If I was impotent with a new partner (and I was on one occasion). This is
what I would do to overcome it.


Incidentally did you see my post on your hood piercing. Its not that important
but I was just curious.

 

[Spinoza]

shescurious


When a person lets another bring them to orgasm it is akin to giving that person complete control of thier body and mind. For many it is impossible to relinquish that self control. Hence no orgasms.



great post


spin

 

[shescurious]

shescurious


When a person lets another bring them to orgasm it is akin to giving that person complete control of thier body and mind. For many it is impossible to relinquish that self control. Hence no orgasms.



great post


spin

Thanks

 

[LadyGwenhevare]

Get really relaxed - have a drink or two.

Have him give you an all over body massage - with oil. No sex massage.

Then you give him a massage with the oil.

End the massage with him lying on his back.

You stradling his hips. Slid down on to his cock.

Grind your self against his pubic bone. The oil will allow much freedom of motion. Use lots of oil.

If this does not give you enough pressure - have him place a pillow or 2 under his hips and try again.

If this works with the oil - once you know how to find that spot you will be able to Orgasm without the oil.

If you use condoms with your partner oil is not a good idea unless you get the new condoms that are ok to use with oil.

Good Luck!!

Let us know if anything helps!

 

[KestrelGoddess]

First of all, shescurious, great post. You're absolutely right. Same to SexyChele. For the longest time I had the same problem of not being able to orgasm, although I couldn't even give myself one. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with my body. Nothing worked and I was rather frustrated. One night with my partner I resigned myself to the fact that he wouldn't be able to give me one, so I just enjoyed what was happening without thinking about it or expecting anything more. I just relaxed and then WOW. Twice. My point is not to think about it, as difficult as that may be. Get him to replicate what you do to yourself as closely as possible, and then just enjoy it without worrying about an orgasm. The more you concentrate on it, the more difficult it is.

 

[MR.GGG]

Go read the TRY THIS AND REPORT BACK thread. The beautiful thing with this is that as long as he starts off slowly and becomes more aggressive as he "reads" you becoming more excited then you will cum and cum and cum and YOU are absolutely NOT in control.

With clitoral stimulation the woman can relax her PC muscles and she will NOT cum for as long as she wants not to or as long as some psych hangup doesn't "allow" her that pleasure. With the Gspot orgasm once you reach a certain point of arousal she really loses control. It is NOT something the girl can avoid. All of a sudden she is cuming harder and deeper than ever before and if the guy keeps doing it she will have no choice but to cum over and over until he decides to stop.

You really should try it the way it is described in that post and some follow up posts. I think once you learn the technique and are cuming repeatedly like that, you'll find clitoral orgasms a lot easier to achieve also. The nice thing about the Gspot tho is the complete lack of control and the fact that you can't stop it from happening even if you subconciously wanted to.

Good luck.

 

[ammre]

heh... sadly... it didn't work for me.. if you see i responded to the "try this" thread... he used the thump and his other fingers were on top of my clit and we went for quite a while... than we wound up stopping becasue i was getting too sore.. i was wetter than i think i had ever been before but no orgasm
*tear*

 

[RoughPlay]

My wife was giving me a hand job recently. Normally this would be reasonably
quick but I was probably a bit tired or something and I could tell I was not
going to cum regardless of how long she went on for. I was trying to think
dirty thoughts and this helped but not enough. Then I took her fairly large
breasts in my hands and squeezed them trying to hurt her. The feel of her
breasts in my hands and the thought that I was hurting her (but in a good way)
got me very aroused and I had an orgasm about thirty seconds later. I cried
out for several seconds which is unusual for me as I'm normally the silent
type.

Is there anything you could do to your boyfriend or him to you that would
give a turbo boost to your mind's state of arousal ? Gentle words, dirty words,
biting, slapping, squeezing, anything at all that would really turn your mind on.

 

[ReadyOne]

I want to pull together a couple of tangential items here, crediting others for mentioning most of them...

ammre, I know you said the you never drink. Still, consider one for "medicinal purposes". It will relax you, sedate you a bit, and can remove inhibitions allowing you to get there easier. The operative phase is probably "pleasant buzz"; quantity of drink required may not be much and can be repeated at intervals.

Vibrators can be "cushioned" against the clit. A partner had a multi-speed (Whal electric plugs into the wall). With one speed she would place it against her clit and cum. With the other speed, she would drape a sheet between it and her clit and cum.

The first orgasm can be the hardest. Can you get several in a row, i.e. get another one before the arousal that resulted in previous one has faded? Are subsequent ones easier? It doesn't matter if they are all in the "same" session or not.

Maybe if it's easier to give yourself the 2nd, or 3rd orgasm, you can vary a little bit from the formula you have to use to get the first one. While you go for the 2nd or 3rd, let him cup your vulva with his hand (or where you think best).

See if the distraction of him putting a finger into your vagina (use lube between you legs if needed) isn't enough to stop you from cuming again. If you can "sneak" the finger in, then he could stimulate your G-spot during the next orgasm you give yourself.

You get the drift...

And speaking of lube, the friction while rubbing affects if you can cum, right? Just for the fun of it, try the smallest amount of Astroglide to try and change the friction and see if less friction can help or hinder. Blot yourself for more friction. Anything you can do to optimize your own masturbation technique will help.

The G-spot forum is https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=70892 for your clicking convenience. If you can find/stimulate your G-spot yourself while masturbating (I know, legs together can be hard so try a curved dildo) before you get him involved then you could coach him better about it.

And trying the method directly as described, you face down on a pillow and him holding you as he fingers you. I'd begin it starting quickly after you give yourself an orgasm.

They psychology of surrender is important as other have testified. Think about ways to put yourself in a position where you have to give up control. Try making a brute force assault on an identified inhibition to overpower it.

(I have a phobia about needles, a really, really, really bad one. After many injections and blood samplings, some of which they had to hold me down for, I voluntarily tolerated getting a flu shot last year without freaking out.)

Finding a scenerio that will work for you may be hard, but worthwhile. For example, if you don't like being tied up (but you do trust him) have him put you into true restraints.

It's tricky, but it can work as a way to be brainwashed. It's also fraught with potential for physiological damage. Think out carefully what you're doing and use a safe word.