hate him

[hurtme]

I realized something very strange...I am just wondering if i am the only one who has ever had this experience. My last d/s relationship was by far the best i have ever had. The wierd thing was, i was in love with the guy, completely head over heels...but there was some part of me that loathed him as well. I wonder if that had anything to do with why it was such an intense d/s experience. When some little part of me hates the guy who is tying you up and whipping you (or whatever)...it is somehow easier for me to get into subspace, to let go, to let him to whatever he wants to me.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I realized something very strange...I am just wondering if i am the only one who has ever had this experience. My last d/s relationship was by far the best i have ever had. The wierd thing was, i was in love with the guy, completely head over heels...but there was some part of me that loathed him as well. I wonder if that had anything to do with why it was such an intense d/s experience. When some little part of me hates the guy who is tying you up and whipping you (or whatever)...it is somehow easier for me to get into subspace, to let go, to let him to whatever he wants to me.

hate and love
pain and pleasure...
all the same

 

[redelicious]

Interesting. Never even considered that.

How do you reconcile being able to trust him with that little kernel of hate?

 

[hurtme]

I have no idea...trust him i did though, with everything. Lest i make it sound like the relationship wasn't SSC, it was. He never hurt me in a way that i didn't allow. I didn't hate everything about him. I think, for some reason, i hated the fact that he DID have power over me, the power to humilate me, and turn me on at the same time, and this is was first domly guy i have brought around my friends, so perhaps they saw a side of me i didn't want them to see, and he brought it out and maybe thats why i hate him a bit.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I have no idea...trust him i did though, with everything. Lest i make it sound like the relationship wasn't SSC, it was. He never hurt me in a way that i didn't allow. I didn't hate everything about him. I think, for some reason, i hated the fact that he DID have power over me, the power to humilate me, and turn me on at the same time, and this is was first domly guy i have brought around my friends, so perhaps they saw a side of me i didn't want them to see, and he brought it out and maybe thats why i hate him a bit.

you didnt hate it...you loved it with a passion...the power he had over you...love and hate are the same emotion on different ends.. *shrugs* just my two cents

 

[Krinaia]

I have no idea...trust him i did though, with everything. Lest i make it sound like the relationship wasn't SSC, it was. He never hurt me in a way that i didn't allow. I didn't hate everything about him. I think, for some reason, i hated the fact that he DID have power over me, the power to humilate me, and turn me on at the same time, and this is was first domly guy i have brought around my friends, so perhaps they saw a side of me i didn't want them to see, and he brought it out and maybe thats why i hate him a bit.

I would in some way resent a man that disallowed me from continuing to fool the rest of the world as to my sexual nature.

 

[hurtme]

fisrt, i understand completely, love and hate, there is a fine line, and as i said, it was one of the best reltionships (sexually) i had ever had...
well, its just, i have kind of a reputation, amongst my friends...I am the ice queen. thats not to say i am prude, i am far from it. I just, tend to not get attached to guys, and they tend to get very attached to me, and they tend to follow me around like lost puppy dogs. They get very, um, clingy is the term. So I then i have to explain to them the truth, and they get all fucked up. Point being, i am never the one head over heels making an idiot out of myself for any guy. For them to see me that way becuase of him. For him making me that way, is one of the things that made me hate him, even as he was doing things to me that i loved...

 

[willowthwisp]

love and hate

fisrt, i understand completely, love and hate, there is a fine line, and as i said, it was one of the best reltionships (sexually) i had ever had...


All depends how you define love here it seems. There is an ego based love that many religions see as akin to hate. This sort of relationship has often secured fantastic sex for me because there is no threat of true intimacy. I could go as far as I felt like going without any real emotional risk. The 'hate' just seemed to highten the passion. Moments of 'hate' have arisen because I know I really am being 'used' totally. Very exiting, has its place.

Moving into a deeper more spiritual love there is no room for hate it seems. Sounds boring perhaps but it promises a better chance of sustainability and consequently, the pleasure element holds greater potential, and as a sub, greater challenges as the risks elevate and the desire to please takes on greater meaning.
The 'fight/flight response when new boundaries are being challenged become secondary to the journey being made together.

 

[Netzach]

My main men are the only people in the world I will let tie me up and put some balance in my life on occasion.

I recently bottomed for the first time in....3 years or so. It was very spur of the moment, very intense. The two of them had a little revolt of sorts, ganged up on the queen and gave her the deep hard dicking she had been looking for anyway...


but not on my terms.


I HATE it when it's not on my terms...

...and I like it. That's when I really hate it.

That's the part I hate even more, the fact that I rolled over-- and I liked it.

Even with all the conditions in place, even with all the dynamics of control really being shifted in my favor yadda ya....

I liked it. I liked getting tied up and verbally...well it's not the abuse I dish out, but G can really be a BITCH when he wants....and I liked getting fucked up the ass mercilessly by M who ususally is on the receiving end.

I'm not bitter or fucked up over it. It's served its purpose, and I can go back to telling the world, including my tormentors, what to do only now with bit more equilibrium.

It's sexy enough for me to want, but I'm conflicted enough afterwards to know it's not "my thing" as a rule.

In other words, I don't feel like the majority of my life is a facade. I just resent being shown that I'm even *capable* of rolling over. Although, and here the hordes will disagree, I think just about anyone can and will with enough trust and enough getting over their own damn issues. Enjoy it, no less.

So hating your loved ones at such a time, is completely fathomable to me.

 

[FungiUg]

[...] So hating your loved ones at such a time, is completely fathomable to me.

Thanks for clearing that up, 'Zach! Now I feel so much less confused...

My own opinion is... D/s explores limits and boundaries. And when you are in that space, the intensity will mean you love and hate, respect and shun, all at the same time.

The question is -- is that as a result of the intensity, or is the intensity part of reaching that state?

 

[Desdemona]

I'm still working this through in my head. I can't say I ever hate Snooze. Sometimes, I don't like what he's doing to me during play though. In fact, even though I crave some activities, I hate them while they are in process. I hate that I crave them and I hate that they cause such intense arousal and such intense feelings inside me. But, at the same time, I love it and can't get enough. It's a fine line.

 

[lark sparrow]

Hate the activity perhaps, but love the controlling, pulling rank, pushing, etc... while I have experienced love/hate of the situation, and/or fear of the relationship, I can't say I've felt actual hate or loathing towards the Dominant personally.

Embarrassed and exposed perhaps, but the underlying theme is usually feeling grateful, obedient and fortunate to have someone who can give something I need that I cannot really give myself, and few could give me... with anger, frustration or resentment being the more fleeting emotions - not that negative feelings don't ever exist...but I have a difficult time equating those to hate.

 

[Krinaia]

This is a tricky conversation....

I think a lot of it boils down to your definition of love and hate and the intensity of feeling you imply with them. I hate soggy french fries but just enough to whine and then maybe not eat them or whine and eat them anyhow. But I HATE a former teacher that once told me, "It's not that you haven't improved, it's just that everyone is so much better than you." I can use the same word in both instances and no one will blink an eye at my choice of diction but the depth of emotion implied in both situations is different.

If I said I hated someone, it wouldn't be as nearly insulting as if I said I detested that person...

So I can maybe see myself hating my Dom - but if I ever detested him... well then the relationship would end. I think hate implies some caring still... whereas to say I detest them is that I find that person so beneath my notice and unworthy of my attention that i'd have to refer you to that thread by Zaudika (I'd rather...) to show you how much I dislike you.

Does that make any sense?

 

[redelicious]

This has become a very thought-provoking thread.

I keep thinking that maybe it's not the Dom we hate at all. This is probably going to sound simplistic, but submission is such an internal struggle for me. It very much is about facing fears, which through years of not being able to trust is problematic. I dread and loath some aspects, but I've gone there anyway because I knew it was where I needed to be. I can hate myself for the need, and hate the need itself, but I can't hate the Dom/me for doing only what I've given them the freedom to do.

Ok, now that being said, I don't HATE being submissive. It think maybe it's the struggle, the fear, and inability to trust the way I need to that I hate. When I do finally get in that place just right it's quite pleasant.

 

[Krinaia]

This has become a very thought-provoking thread.

I keep thinking that maybe it's not the Dom we hate at all. This is probably going to sound simplistic, but submission is such an internal struggle for me. It very much is about facing fears, which through years of not being able to trust is problematic. I dread and loath some aspects, but I've gone there anyway because I knew it was where I needed to be. I can hate myself for the need, and hate the need itself, but I can't hate the Dom/me for doing only what I've given them the freedom to do.

Ok, now that being said, I don't HATE being submissive. It think maybe it's the struggle, the fear, and inability to trust the way I need to that I hate. When I do finally get in that place just right it's quite pleasant.

.... interesting... do go on... i'd like to hear more before i comment

 

[redelicious]

.... interesting... do go on... i'd like to hear more before i comment

Well, I'm not sure how much I can add to it, only that hating the Dom/me seems misplaced.

 

[lark sparrow]

Well, I'm not sure how much I can add to it, only that hating the Dom/me seems misplaced.

Good definer I think - it's not a matter of intensity but about where and how it's directed.

 

[Krinaia]

it reminds me of something someone said once... the things we find most intolerable in others are most often the things we hate about ourselves...


my thoughts are still tangled but i thought i'd at least note that...

 

[FungiUg]

I keep thinking that maybe it's not the Dom we hate at all.

Huge sigh of relief!

I think there's an incredible feeling of power in making a submissive do something I know she hates, but knowing she will do it anyway because... I require it.

The look on her face when she looks at me with loathing, but at the same time, how quickly it pushes her toward a place of utter devotion.

Interesting, huh?

(Remembers fondly a certain submissive with damp panties in her mouth as a punishment for being smart...)

 

[Krinaia]

Huge sigh of relief!

I think there's an incredible feeling of power in making a submissive do something I know she hates, but knowing she will do it anyway because... I require it.

The look on her face when she looks at me with loathing, but at the same time, how quickly it pushes her toward a place of utter devotion.

Interesting, huh?

(Remembers fondly a certain submissive with damp panties in her mouth as a punishment for being smart...)

Lol... I remember that story. I think I would have been sending you glares... or at least staring at the floor thinking up lots of nasty names to call you. But I would have only been angry because of how humilating it was and how humilated it would have been that it turned me on.

 

[hurtme]

well, I will make a comparison...I had a d/s relationship where the guy ADORED me, treated me like a prized possession. Not like i was made of glass, just that I was important to his life. It was nice, sex was ok, i enjoyed spending time with him. But the thing was, I think that perhaps we were stagnent because I knew that he did what I enjoyed, and he didn't push any of my limits, even though some part of me wanted (the soft ones) pushed. Its not that I didn't want him to do what I enjoy, beucase I do expect to get pleasure out of what I do (or am forced to do). Its just that I was missing the fire, the fear, the complete loss of control in the situation. Whereas the last guy I had a relationship with, well...I sometimes didn't want him to touch me, and didn't want him to do anything to me, and didn't want to be humiliated. But as far as he was concerned, it wasn't about what i wanted at that moment. I don't do well with authority, and he knew that, so there were times where he would force me to my knees with my head down at the ground and he would whisper into my ear what i had done wrong and how he was going to punish me, and he could have been screaming in rage, it had the same effect. I realized something else. I wanted to please him, so badly, I would do ANYTHING to make him smile. I found myself being submissive more and more towards him, to the point where when he walked into the room, my eyes would automatically lower to the floor. I found myself thinking aobut him before any action i made...and getting more and more attached, even though we both knew that despite how we felt the reltionship would not be a forever thing. the authority, the power, the fact that in this relationship, it wasn't about me, my feelings, my concerns, unless he decided so...it made for an intese relationship, and it made me realize how spoiled i have been...at most, I am treated like a prized pet...not like a whore...it was very definately an experience...

 

[lark sparrow]

Huge sigh of relief!

I think there's an incredible feeling of power in making a submissive do something I know she hates, but knowing she will do it anyway because... I require it.

The look on her face when she looks at me with loathing, but at the same time, how quickly it pushes her toward a place of utter devotion.

Interesting, huh?

(Remembers fondly a certain submissive with damp panties in her mouth as a punishment for being smart...)

Wow, damp panties? I think I'd like that a lot more than soap!

 

[Netzach]

Hm.

Actually, that's a good point.

I didn't hate them at all, I hated me for having such not-with-the-program responses to the little set-up.

I went out and bought a quirt, am quite happy now. As soon as M is over his cold he will be dancing the dance for me.

That love-hate relationship is really enjoyable when you are on the receiving end of the emotional conflict.

 

[FungiUg]

Wow, damp panties? I think I'd like that a lot more than soap!

Well... as it was, my lover was going "how the hell do you THINK of these things?" And here I was thinking it was relatively mild.

I wouldn't want to kiss someone whose mouth I had just washed out with soap -- so damp panties for an hour or so is much more practicable for me. Made sure she got 'em wet beforehand though! (in public too...)



God but I love my evil little brain sometimes.

 

[lark sparrow]

Well... as it was, my lover was going "how the hell do you THINK of these things?" And here I was thinking it was relatively mild.

I wouldn't want to kiss someone whose mouth I had just washed out with soap -- so damp panties for an hour or so is much more practicable for me. Made sure she got 'em wet beforehand though! (in public too...)



God but I love my evil little brain sometimes.

lol yes, a mouth full of pee would be even worse of a kissing experience... sometimes kisses are withheld until sending someone off to the bathroom to brush.