AchtungNight
Lech Master
- Joined
- May 19, 2006
- Posts
- 4,735
I would like to ask everyone here a very profound question. Have you ever had a story or series of stories you have really been inspired to write and yet found yourself motivated to stop? If so, can you please tell me about the event? I have recently gone through such an event myself and been bothered greatly by it. Details:
- I have all my life been a fan of stories that parody and fictionalize real-life history and people. Since becoming an adult and aware of it, I have also been a longtime fan of erotica that does such things. Classic examples of it such as the Harem, Journal of an Agent, Around the World in 80 Babes, and other erotic celebrity tales have been enormously fun reads for me. The Simpsons, South Park, Saturday Night Live, and other shows that often showcase celebrity parody (often with the celebrities' direct participation) have likewise been great for me to watch. I have always been big into free speech and despised censorship- and I've always been a poor man with a great imagination and interest in reading/writing yet limited time.
- In Feburary of this year the biggest site on the web (www.c-s-s-a.com) that features celebrity erotic stories exclusively went down due to a fire at its data center. Hackers, lawsuit fears, and other perils the site had faced in the past were banded around in the rumor mill as having struck again too. At the same time, photos in Vanity Fair came out that inspired me to write my first celebrity erotic story (Fear, Lust, and Vanity- click my sig). The audience of C-S-S-A (of whom I was a longtime member) was clamoring about the photos, and longing for the stories they enjoyed on the message boards of another site that exclusively featured them that was not down. Add to this that the three stars of the photos (Keira Knightley, Rachel McAdams, and Scarlett Johansson) had very few erotic stories out there honoring them. Another writer, far more experienced in the field than yours truly, made a rare public appearance on the boards to say he was also inspired by and writing a story about the photos. We ended up posting two very similar yet very different works. Mine was longer, more involved, and included a car chase in addition to celebrity parody and lots of hot lesbian sex. It made me an instant bestselling erotica writer. My colleague's reputation as such also remained strong.
- My follow-up to FLV was "The Rendezvous." It was inspired when I saw the movie The Upside of Anger and reflected to myself on how four of its young stars had very few erotic stories on the web. All had been longtime favorite actresses of mine. Not only that, one of said actresses, Erika Christensen, had gotten a background mention from me in FLV. I suddenly had the desire to write an erotic story starring her. The minute I discussed the possibility on a message board, though, some troll lashed out saying "Erika Christensen is a Scientologist. Homey don't play that." I was shocked- I had not known Erika was involved in one of my biggest pet peeves. I'm not going to go too much into why Scientology is a pet peeve of mine- let's just say it involves a lot of confusion and anger over the religion's cult reputation, a really bad movie based on a really great book I enjoyed reading as a teenager before I knew what Scientology was, an epileptic mother, and feeling disgusted as I've seen a number of celebrities evangelize the religion's teachings on national TV while their Church has a history of censoring those teachings whenever they're discussed- especially when they're seemingly misinterpreted. I researched Erika, and found out the troll was correct about her. Not only that, she was raised in the Church (so being a member was not her choice originally, but staying one was) and they actually had a lot of beliefs I could support (for example, that you have to determine your own beliefs and path in life for yourself, and that humans are at the core spiritual beings). A large number of people on the Net, myself included, were ignoring this and letting their disgust and confusion over the bad reputation of Scientology turn into resentment that prevented erotic stories about Scientologist celebrities from coming out. Meanwhile, a highly publicized relationship between two of them (TomKat) continued to get a lot of negative attention on the Web. I posted a message to the troll on the message board with links that showed several shocking facts about Scientology (its number of homosexual practiconers for example) and he immediately shut up.
- I recalled being a writer who in the past had used characters based on Cain and Abel, as well as street preachers and other religious personalities I'd seen in the world, to great inspiration and effect. Other writers (examples- Stephen King, Dan Brown, Garth Ennis) had done the same thing and gotten lots of attention and great feedback. I decided maybe I should do something like that again- put a religious character in a story and reap the results. Only this time it would be the sort of character a lot of people had trouble with- a Scientologist. My first draft of Rendezvous had the kidnapping and brainwashing of an anti-Scientology Internet troll by a cult based on the religion who wanted to change his mind. A team of Scientologist celebrities (Erika, John Travolta, Isaac Hayes, others) rescued the troll, defeated the bad guys, and attempted to show the troll their religion was not what he thought it was. This story would not flow out of my mind behind the outline and the first few scenes. The second draft was based on Three Musketeers and had Erika (D'artagnan) teaming up with Geena Davis (Athos), Goldie Hawn (Porthos), and Nicole Kidman (Aramis) to battle Tom Cruise (the Cardinal), and his personal Rochefort/Milady (Jessica Feshbach) as they attempted to seduce and brainwash Katie Holmes (Queen Anne). That story would also not flow out of my mind. Finally I sat down and wrote a story based on The Upside of Anger, the original film that had inspired me to write about Erika. In this I played up on how she was a devout Scientologist and yet seemingly had no problem with enjoying a diverse well-played out acting career, a fandom where most fans don't even know about her beliefs or shrug the fact of them off if they do (look at the www.IMDB.com board on her if you want proof of this), and a reputation as a sexpot both on and offscreen. I depicted Keri Russell, an actress who was also in Upside and has had her own troubles related to Scientology (look at Keri's Wikipedia article), becoming Erika's friend. Added in were the two other stars of the film who I had noted didn't have many erotic fanfics out there (Alicia Witt and Evan Rachel Wood), and I used their depictions to showcase similar problems many have had with writing or viewing stories about highly emotional or young women getting involved in sex. My first draft of this story had Erika as an evangelical Scientologist akin to Tom Cruise. She was very difficult to write as such and I got so frustrated I posted a rough cut of the tale before it was done and gave up on doing better. Within less than a week I was warned by the chief admin of C-S-S-A, a woman well-known for both supporting celebrity erotica and having a problem with Scientology (trolls on her message boards lash out at it and she joins in), not to ever make and submit to her site such a story again. She also told me using religion in sex stories was a bad idea- it would limit my audience.
- I responded to her warning with an apology and an offer to rewrite. She told me neither was necessary. I disagreed- her feedback on the story was all I had gotten thus far and she told me she'd gotten far more than I had from people saying the evangelical Scientology in the story was unnecessary. Add to this all my struggles with making Erika that kind of character, the fact that my two main advisers in writing the story had told me the same thing she did about it being unnecessary, and all the clear evidence Erika was not an evangelical Scientologist but rather the sort who rebelled against tradition and simply lived her beliefs. I rewrote the story with Erika as such a character and found it worked a lot better. My beta reader, Nero, found the same thing. I sent the rewrite to CSSA and they reposted it but gave me serious hell about having to do so (for the record, they never had to do such a thing- it was always their choice!). I also submitted the final rewrite to Lit and Adultfanfiction.net and in both places got high ratings and numbers of readers, if little feedback. I was pleased.
- Two of my follow-ups to this story were X-Men 3: Additional Aftermath and Two Cats in Heat. The first story earned me enormous praise and attention as well as some flaming from trolls who seemed very confused about the X-verse (this time they lashed out at me to my face, and I was able to deal with them), and also an entry into the message boards on Lit, a site that is far more interested in and supportive of the writing process than CSSA (we have editors, beta readers, a How-To section, etc). With the latter story I got a great level of attention and praise from fans who liked that I had given two sports stars who'd never had erotic fanfics dedicated soley to them before such a tribute and who were smiling at how I'd depicted Cat Reddick as a devout Christian who was also a secret slut. I thought to myself- hey, I'm pretty good at using religion in sex stories and it's not limiting my audience at all! Next I was recruited as a writer by the chief admin of a new celebrity sex story site that was starting up (www.celebfanforum.com) who told me his friends loved my work, including Rendezvous. I posted my stories on his site and even though they weren't the most popular ones there, they did get a lot of attention and praise. I was enthused.
- I recalled the Erika stories I had outlined before and came up with a series that would be a prequel/continuation for Rendezvous with Erika as the central character. This series was given a joke parody title ("The Passion of Erika Christensen") and I planned to keep that general theme in mind as I wrote, as well as the great respect for my characters and the people on whom they are based with which I always write. The first two chapters went up on Lit and AFF and got lots of attention, though not much feedback. CSSA also posted and seemed to tolerate them. I interpreted this as a quiet acceptance of my deeds.
- By this time the idea had evolved and I not only had a lot of interesting sexual experiences in mind for the heroine but also a deep abiding conflict with a hypocritical villain who personified the dark side of Scientology (again, this was Jessica Feshbach) that would become the series meta-plot. Tom Cruise was now not a bad guy but a confused man who allowed himself to be manipulated, confused, and angered by the development of his own public image, career, and sex life. The series would play out with Erika undergoing similar struggles and facing Jessica and her minions (a papparazzi stalker and a criminal street gang) while continually making friends and becoming the slut we saw in Rendezvous. Beyond that, she would discover a shocking secret truth of Scientology I completely made up (I was inspired by daVinci Code) from Hugh Hefner (Playbody magazine did an interview with L Ron Hubbard Jr. that exposed much of Scientology's dark side in 1982, one of Erika's RL boyfriends has been known to date Playboy models), and learning her sex-filled lifestyle was actually okay with the Scientology higher-ups (my idea for the secret was L Ron had a secret partner in founding the religion- fellow sci-fi writer Robert Henlein- who was ostracized for supporting the satirization of religion and free love but later welcomed back by L Ron even though he declined the invite). Erika would bring this truth to Tom and Katie and they would become relaxed and better able to take control of their lives. Jessica, who had denied the truth's value in thought and deed all her life, would be compelled to retreat into obscurity and study it with the help of her twin sister Melissa (who was the anti-Jessica and a Scientology higher-up). The outline of this shocking piece of historical fiction earned high praise and support from everyone to whom I showed details of it who responded. Yet I was still unsure it should be done.
- I penned the third chapter of the series, which showcased Jessica for the first time and gave the reader deep insights into her villainy and Erika's character as she stood against her. My beta reader Kendo1 applauded it, as did my alpha reader, and I had very few problems making it come out of my mind. Yet as soon as I submitted it to sites bad things started happening. Very few readers looked at it, let alone sent feedback. The admin of CSSA banned me from her site and began to take down my stories, saying I had promoted Scientology with all of them (this when Rendezvous and Passion are my only stories that even mention the religion!). People who had actually read all the stories disagreed, and those who'd read the Passion series so far said, if anything, I was damning the stereotype of Scientologists as confused evangelical cultish idiots and not promoting the religion at all but rather motivating people to make up their own minds about it (exactly my intent). Still, though, I got worried when a fellow writer cautioned me about the series saying actual Scientologists might not like that it was being done and sue me and the websites it was on based on it. I shared this discussion with the admin of celebfanforum.com via email and never got a response from him. However, the day after I mentioned it he ceased the emails enthusiastically supporting the series he had been sending me and banned me from his site. I got really upset and confused, sent him several emails asking what-the-hell, and never got a reply. However, when I asked him to take the stories down, they came down. (I was watching through a friend's computer that was not banned.) I PMed Laurel and she pulled the third chapter from Lit's submission queue without reply. I relaxed and stepped aside.
- After this mess calmed, I was still getting great feedback on the series. It remained up on Lit and got notice. Fans of mine on Lit to whom I sent the outline for future chapters praised it highly. Even a fellow erotica writer who was a Scientology minister once upon a time (I'm not going to name her, but she can step forward) said the series was okay and confirmed many of the things I had guessed about the religion and put into the work were true (I have never studied official Scientology- I can't afford it. Everything I know about the religion comes from the media, my own imagination, and the Web. My experiences with it, though, have been somewhat akin to John Dunbar's with the Indians in Dances With Wolves- this is good.). She also said that even though a real Scientologist would not act like Jessica, it was okay with her for me to write about one. I told her I was taking the story down, and she was glad for that too. I also made her an offer which I repeat now- I want to rewrite the story with her as a consultant on how to produce a more believable Scientologist villain and publish it and the rest of the series if it works. She has yet to respond to my offer, and I'm not going to speculate into why. Writing a story like this about any religion can produce tons of fear, angst, and negative emotion in anybody. I know this from my own experiences and watching what has happened with similar satires in the publishing mainstream (South Park episodes depicting Scientology, daVinci Code, Preacher, Henlein's Job, the Decameron, and other religious satirical stories that have been censored yet remained strong in the public mind). Using real people as fictional characters makes the possible consequences even worse. Reflecting on this made me stop- and yet the idea is still strong. I posted another chapter in the saga I had finished (editing out the Jessica meta-plot) and it continues to get high levels of attention and praise. On top of that I have yet to see any evidence Scientology isn't okay with the stories that are out so far (Lit posted them, and nobody but the CSSA admin and her minions are trolling me about them anymore- and I've seperated myself from those guys so it's a moot point). Many people, including CSSA message board moderators and fixture authors, are expressing confusion and sadness over how I have been banned for including religion in my stories while other writers who pen pedophilia and poor quality works remain on the site. And even though I don't want to write them and I have very good reasons for not doing so, even though I've deleted them from my hard drive, the story ideas still remain very strong and inspiring in my Miltonesque mind. Yesterday I found a Scientology magazine in my mailbox. I also saw a Vanity Fair issue this week where the same photographer whose work inspired my first erotic story is helping Tom and Katie show the world their baby is real, beautiful, and apparently completely normal (thank God!).
- I could be misinterpreting a lot of things, but I think the story could end up just like the other religious satires I mentioned if it's published. That makes it interesting to me. And yes, it's still writeable. But part of me still doesn't think I should do it, and therefore I can't. I don't need to say why again.
We can all see the strange coincidences that affected this process, right? Celestine Prophecy, anyone? (that and Waldorf Christian Freethought is and always will be my religion btw)
For the record, I still don't know what it is I should do- write the story or not- and though I am leaning towards the latter path, the former still has its attractions. I believe that perhaps a discussion of the process and similar processes other writers have undergone will help me make up my mind once and for all and feel good about doing so. I appreciate anyone who offers their words.
- I have all my life been a fan of stories that parody and fictionalize real-life history and people. Since becoming an adult and aware of it, I have also been a longtime fan of erotica that does such things. Classic examples of it such as the Harem, Journal of an Agent, Around the World in 80 Babes, and other erotic celebrity tales have been enormously fun reads for me. The Simpsons, South Park, Saturday Night Live, and other shows that often showcase celebrity parody (often with the celebrities' direct participation) have likewise been great for me to watch. I have always been big into free speech and despised censorship- and I've always been a poor man with a great imagination and interest in reading/writing yet limited time.
- In Feburary of this year the biggest site on the web (www.c-s-s-a.com) that features celebrity erotic stories exclusively went down due to a fire at its data center. Hackers, lawsuit fears, and other perils the site had faced in the past were banded around in the rumor mill as having struck again too. At the same time, photos in Vanity Fair came out that inspired me to write my first celebrity erotic story (Fear, Lust, and Vanity- click my sig). The audience of C-S-S-A (of whom I was a longtime member) was clamoring about the photos, and longing for the stories they enjoyed on the message boards of another site that exclusively featured them that was not down. Add to this that the three stars of the photos (Keira Knightley, Rachel McAdams, and Scarlett Johansson) had very few erotic stories out there honoring them. Another writer, far more experienced in the field than yours truly, made a rare public appearance on the boards to say he was also inspired by and writing a story about the photos. We ended up posting two very similar yet very different works. Mine was longer, more involved, and included a car chase in addition to celebrity parody and lots of hot lesbian sex. It made me an instant bestselling erotica writer. My colleague's reputation as such also remained strong.
- My follow-up to FLV was "The Rendezvous." It was inspired when I saw the movie The Upside of Anger and reflected to myself on how four of its young stars had very few erotic stories on the web. All had been longtime favorite actresses of mine. Not only that, one of said actresses, Erika Christensen, had gotten a background mention from me in FLV. I suddenly had the desire to write an erotic story starring her. The minute I discussed the possibility on a message board, though, some troll lashed out saying "Erika Christensen is a Scientologist. Homey don't play that." I was shocked- I had not known Erika was involved in one of my biggest pet peeves. I'm not going to go too much into why Scientology is a pet peeve of mine- let's just say it involves a lot of confusion and anger over the religion's cult reputation, a really bad movie based on a really great book I enjoyed reading as a teenager before I knew what Scientology was, an epileptic mother, and feeling disgusted as I've seen a number of celebrities evangelize the religion's teachings on national TV while their Church has a history of censoring those teachings whenever they're discussed- especially when they're seemingly misinterpreted. I researched Erika, and found out the troll was correct about her. Not only that, she was raised in the Church (so being a member was not her choice originally, but staying one was) and they actually had a lot of beliefs I could support (for example, that you have to determine your own beliefs and path in life for yourself, and that humans are at the core spiritual beings). A large number of people on the Net, myself included, were ignoring this and letting their disgust and confusion over the bad reputation of Scientology turn into resentment that prevented erotic stories about Scientologist celebrities from coming out. Meanwhile, a highly publicized relationship between two of them (TomKat) continued to get a lot of negative attention on the Web. I posted a message to the troll on the message board with links that showed several shocking facts about Scientology (its number of homosexual practiconers for example) and he immediately shut up.
- I recalled being a writer who in the past had used characters based on Cain and Abel, as well as street preachers and other religious personalities I'd seen in the world, to great inspiration and effect. Other writers (examples- Stephen King, Dan Brown, Garth Ennis) had done the same thing and gotten lots of attention and great feedback. I decided maybe I should do something like that again- put a religious character in a story and reap the results. Only this time it would be the sort of character a lot of people had trouble with- a Scientologist. My first draft of Rendezvous had the kidnapping and brainwashing of an anti-Scientology Internet troll by a cult based on the religion who wanted to change his mind. A team of Scientologist celebrities (Erika, John Travolta, Isaac Hayes, others) rescued the troll, defeated the bad guys, and attempted to show the troll their religion was not what he thought it was. This story would not flow out of my mind behind the outline and the first few scenes. The second draft was based on Three Musketeers and had Erika (D'artagnan) teaming up with Geena Davis (Athos), Goldie Hawn (Porthos), and Nicole Kidman (Aramis) to battle Tom Cruise (the Cardinal), and his personal Rochefort/Milady (Jessica Feshbach) as they attempted to seduce and brainwash Katie Holmes (Queen Anne). That story would also not flow out of my mind. Finally I sat down and wrote a story based on The Upside of Anger, the original film that had inspired me to write about Erika. In this I played up on how she was a devout Scientologist and yet seemingly had no problem with enjoying a diverse well-played out acting career, a fandom where most fans don't even know about her beliefs or shrug the fact of them off if they do (look at the www.IMDB.com board on her if you want proof of this), and a reputation as a sexpot both on and offscreen. I depicted Keri Russell, an actress who was also in Upside and has had her own troubles related to Scientology (look at Keri's Wikipedia article), becoming Erika's friend. Added in were the two other stars of the film who I had noted didn't have many erotic fanfics out there (Alicia Witt and Evan Rachel Wood), and I used their depictions to showcase similar problems many have had with writing or viewing stories about highly emotional or young women getting involved in sex. My first draft of this story had Erika as an evangelical Scientologist akin to Tom Cruise. She was very difficult to write as such and I got so frustrated I posted a rough cut of the tale before it was done and gave up on doing better. Within less than a week I was warned by the chief admin of C-S-S-A, a woman well-known for both supporting celebrity erotica and having a problem with Scientology (trolls on her message boards lash out at it and she joins in), not to ever make and submit to her site such a story again. She also told me using religion in sex stories was a bad idea- it would limit my audience.
- I responded to her warning with an apology and an offer to rewrite. She told me neither was necessary. I disagreed- her feedback on the story was all I had gotten thus far and she told me she'd gotten far more than I had from people saying the evangelical Scientology in the story was unnecessary. Add to this all my struggles with making Erika that kind of character, the fact that my two main advisers in writing the story had told me the same thing she did about it being unnecessary, and all the clear evidence Erika was not an evangelical Scientologist but rather the sort who rebelled against tradition and simply lived her beliefs. I rewrote the story with Erika as such a character and found it worked a lot better. My beta reader, Nero, found the same thing. I sent the rewrite to CSSA and they reposted it but gave me serious hell about having to do so (for the record, they never had to do such a thing- it was always their choice!). I also submitted the final rewrite to Lit and Adultfanfiction.net and in both places got high ratings and numbers of readers, if little feedback. I was pleased.
- Two of my follow-ups to this story were X-Men 3: Additional Aftermath and Two Cats in Heat. The first story earned me enormous praise and attention as well as some flaming from trolls who seemed very confused about the X-verse (this time they lashed out at me to my face, and I was able to deal with them), and also an entry into the message boards on Lit, a site that is far more interested in and supportive of the writing process than CSSA (we have editors, beta readers, a How-To section, etc). With the latter story I got a great level of attention and praise from fans who liked that I had given two sports stars who'd never had erotic fanfics dedicated soley to them before such a tribute and who were smiling at how I'd depicted Cat Reddick as a devout Christian who was also a secret slut. I thought to myself- hey, I'm pretty good at using religion in sex stories and it's not limiting my audience at all! Next I was recruited as a writer by the chief admin of a new celebrity sex story site that was starting up (www.celebfanforum.com) who told me his friends loved my work, including Rendezvous. I posted my stories on his site and even though they weren't the most popular ones there, they did get a lot of attention and praise. I was enthused.
- I recalled the Erika stories I had outlined before and came up with a series that would be a prequel/continuation for Rendezvous with Erika as the central character. This series was given a joke parody title ("The Passion of Erika Christensen") and I planned to keep that general theme in mind as I wrote, as well as the great respect for my characters and the people on whom they are based with which I always write. The first two chapters went up on Lit and AFF and got lots of attention, though not much feedback. CSSA also posted and seemed to tolerate them. I interpreted this as a quiet acceptance of my deeds.
- By this time the idea had evolved and I not only had a lot of interesting sexual experiences in mind for the heroine but also a deep abiding conflict with a hypocritical villain who personified the dark side of Scientology (again, this was Jessica Feshbach) that would become the series meta-plot. Tom Cruise was now not a bad guy but a confused man who allowed himself to be manipulated, confused, and angered by the development of his own public image, career, and sex life. The series would play out with Erika undergoing similar struggles and facing Jessica and her minions (a papparazzi stalker and a criminal street gang) while continually making friends and becoming the slut we saw in Rendezvous. Beyond that, she would discover a shocking secret truth of Scientology I completely made up (I was inspired by daVinci Code) from Hugh Hefner (Playbody magazine did an interview with L Ron Hubbard Jr. that exposed much of Scientology's dark side in 1982, one of Erika's RL boyfriends has been known to date Playboy models), and learning her sex-filled lifestyle was actually okay with the Scientology higher-ups (my idea for the secret was L Ron had a secret partner in founding the religion- fellow sci-fi writer Robert Henlein- who was ostracized for supporting the satirization of religion and free love but later welcomed back by L Ron even though he declined the invite). Erika would bring this truth to Tom and Katie and they would become relaxed and better able to take control of their lives. Jessica, who had denied the truth's value in thought and deed all her life, would be compelled to retreat into obscurity and study it with the help of her twin sister Melissa (who was the anti-Jessica and a Scientology higher-up). The outline of this shocking piece of historical fiction earned high praise and support from everyone to whom I showed details of it who responded. Yet I was still unsure it should be done.
- I penned the third chapter of the series, which showcased Jessica for the first time and gave the reader deep insights into her villainy and Erika's character as she stood against her. My beta reader Kendo1 applauded it, as did my alpha reader, and I had very few problems making it come out of my mind. Yet as soon as I submitted it to sites bad things started happening. Very few readers looked at it, let alone sent feedback. The admin of CSSA banned me from her site and began to take down my stories, saying I had promoted Scientology with all of them (this when Rendezvous and Passion are my only stories that even mention the religion!). People who had actually read all the stories disagreed, and those who'd read the Passion series so far said, if anything, I was damning the stereotype of Scientologists as confused evangelical cultish idiots and not promoting the religion at all but rather motivating people to make up their own minds about it (exactly my intent). Still, though, I got worried when a fellow writer cautioned me about the series saying actual Scientologists might not like that it was being done and sue me and the websites it was on based on it. I shared this discussion with the admin of celebfanforum.com via email and never got a response from him. However, the day after I mentioned it he ceased the emails enthusiastically supporting the series he had been sending me and banned me from his site. I got really upset and confused, sent him several emails asking what-the-hell, and never got a reply. However, when I asked him to take the stories down, they came down. (I was watching through a friend's computer that was not banned.) I PMed Laurel and she pulled the third chapter from Lit's submission queue without reply. I relaxed and stepped aside.
- After this mess calmed, I was still getting great feedback on the series. It remained up on Lit and got notice. Fans of mine on Lit to whom I sent the outline for future chapters praised it highly. Even a fellow erotica writer who was a Scientology minister once upon a time (I'm not going to name her, but she can step forward) said the series was okay and confirmed many of the things I had guessed about the religion and put into the work were true (I have never studied official Scientology- I can't afford it. Everything I know about the religion comes from the media, my own imagination, and the Web. My experiences with it, though, have been somewhat akin to John Dunbar's with the Indians in Dances With Wolves- this is good.). She also said that even though a real Scientologist would not act like Jessica, it was okay with her for me to write about one. I told her I was taking the story down, and she was glad for that too. I also made her an offer which I repeat now- I want to rewrite the story with her as a consultant on how to produce a more believable Scientologist villain and publish it and the rest of the series if it works. She has yet to respond to my offer, and I'm not going to speculate into why. Writing a story like this about any religion can produce tons of fear, angst, and negative emotion in anybody. I know this from my own experiences and watching what has happened with similar satires in the publishing mainstream (South Park episodes depicting Scientology, daVinci Code, Preacher, Henlein's Job, the Decameron, and other religious satirical stories that have been censored yet remained strong in the public mind). Using real people as fictional characters makes the possible consequences even worse. Reflecting on this made me stop- and yet the idea is still strong. I posted another chapter in the saga I had finished (editing out the Jessica meta-plot) and it continues to get high levels of attention and praise. On top of that I have yet to see any evidence Scientology isn't okay with the stories that are out so far (Lit posted them, and nobody but the CSSA admin and her minions are trolling me about them anymore- and I've seperated myself from those guys so it's a moot point). Many people, including CSSA message board moderators and fixture authors, are expressing confusion and sadness over how I have been banned for including religion in my stories while other writers who pen pedophilia and poor quality works remain on the site. And even though I don't want to write them and I have very good reasons for not doing so, even though I've deleted them from my hard drive, the story ideas still remain very strong and inspiring in my Miltonesque mind. Yesterday I found a Scientology magazine in my mailbox. I also saw a Vanity Fair issue this week where the same photographer whose work inspired my first erotic story is helping Tom and Katie show the world their baby is real, beautiful, and apparently completely normal (thank God!).
- I could be misinterpreting a lot of things, but I think the story could end up just like the other religious satires I mentioned if it's published. That makes it interesting to me. And yes, it's still writeable. But part of me still doesn't think I should do it, and therefore I can't. I don't need to say why again.
We can all see the strange coincidences that affected this process, right? Celestine Prophecy, anyone? (that and Waldorf Christian Freethought is and always will be my religion btw)
For the record, I still don't know what it is I should do- write the story or not- and though I am leaning towards the latter path, the former still has its attractions. I believe that perhaps a discussion of the process and similar processes other writers have undergone will help me make up my mind once and for all and feel good about doing so. I appreciate anyone who offers their words.
