ridddder
Erotica Savant
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2002
- Posts
- 1,016
Things not to do on Halloween....
•Cleavage is not a costume. Neither is a leotard.
* Bare-ass nudity, however, counts.
* If you dress in BDSM gear, be prepared to act the part. In contrast, just because someone is dressed as a cheap crack whore, do not assume they want to be treated as such.
* Bobbing for apples without using your teeth is good practice for oral sex.
* Wearing a werewolf mask and nothing else while growling during sex is good-scary; wearing an old-lady mask and nothing else while talking like your grandma during sex is bad-scary.
* If you have sex for the first time with someone while in costume, the outfits you are wearing may permanently determine your future relationship. Consider this before you hook-up with Michael Jackson while dressed as Curious George.
* All men are required to dress in drag for Halloween at least once. Except for actual drag queens, for whom Halloween should be a casual day.
* If you want to get laid, do not dress as Howdy Doodie, Nancy Reagan or Richard Simmons.
* If you throw an Eyes Wide Shut costume ball, expect the only people who show up to be wrinkly old men draped in cloaks.
* Mischief Night (a.k.a. Goosey Night) is as good a time as any to try sploshing.
* The sexier her costume, the more likely she is to dress like a pencil case the rest of the year.
* A man in a suit dressed as a man in a suit (say, a lawyer dressed as a banker) is barred from receiving oral sex for a period of two years.
* Borrowing your friends' newborn so you can attend a Halloween party as a "new Dad," thereby attracting more female attention, sounds like a better idea than it actually is.
* If you're going to take candy from strangers, make sure it's wrapped.
* Sorry folks, he's not really a fireman.
And to all ye....happy fucking halloween....!!!!
•Cleavage is not a costume. Neither is a leotard.
* Bare-ass nudity, however, counts.
* If you dress in BDSM gear, be prepared to act the part. In contrast, just because someone is dressed as a cheap crack whore, do not assume they want to be treated as such.
* Bobbing for apples without using your teeth is good practice for oral sex.
* Wearing a werewolf mask and nothing else while growling during sex is good-scary; wearing an old-lady mask and nothing else while talking like your grandma during sex is bad-scary.
* If you have sex for the first time with someone while in costume, the outfits you are wearing may permanently determine your future relationship. Consider this before you hook-up with Michael Jackson while dressed as Curious George.
* All men are required to dress in drag for Halloween at least once. Except for actual drag queens, for whom Halloween should be a casual day.
* If you want to get laid, do not dress as Howdy Doodie, Nancy Reagan or Richard Simmons.
* If you throw an Eyes Wide Shut costume ball, expect the only people who show up to be wrinkly old men draped in cloaks.
* Mischief Night (a.k.a. Goosey Night) is as good a time as any to try sploshing.
* The sexier her costume, the more likely she is to dress like a pencil case the rest of the year.
* A man in a suit dressed as a man in a suit (say, a lawyer dressed as a banker) is barred from receiving oral sex for a period of two years.
* Borrowing your friends' newborn so you can attend a Halloween party as a "new Dad," thereby attracting more female attention, sounds like a better idea than it actually is.
* If you're going to take candy from strangers, make sure it's wrapped.
* Sorry folks, he's not really a fireman.
And to all ye....happy fucking halloween....!!!!
