Happly Married...

ConflictedOne

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Happly Married BUT...

Do you think it's possible to be happily married but still very frustrated with your sex life?
 
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As I've said on the other really long thread on marriage (really worth searching for and reading) I am. It IS possible to be sexually frustrated and still otherwise happily married.
 
I don't know if I could do it. Then again, I've not been in that position. A lull here and there for whatever reason on both of our parts.
 
As I've said on the other really long thread on marriage (really worth searching for and reading) I am. It IS possible to be sexually frustrated and still otherwise happily married.

I agree...

Despite being IMMENSELY frustrated with my sexlife, I love my wife dearly...
 
My happiness in marriage springs from a number of things yet at the core of them is deeply satisfying sex. I believe my woman would say something similar.

I fear I wouldn't have it in me to deliver on being a good husband and father if I didn't get the sex. But I know full well that there are plenty men who can and do.
 
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Do you think it's possible to be happily married but still very frustrated with your sex life?

Are we talking about very little sex or no sex at all here? Or is the problem what sex you are having is unsatisfying? Have you discussed this with her?
 
It's sort of really happily married. Sex is soooo important! but, partnering, and parenting, and connecting are also critical. If sex is low, or non-existent, a happily married couple can find a way to discuss the how's and why's (maybe with therapeutic help) and find ways to change. Being together, in my mind, is such a good thing. But having some aspect of sex is so validating.

Good luck. Where you are at is a fine starting point to reach a little deeper into a a marriage. At least, that's how we've looked at it thru our almost 37 yrs.
 
Depends

For me and my marriage it depends on our age. We're only in our mid. 40s and healthy so there's no reason we shouldn't be frequently tearing up the sheets. I can see if someone is sickly or elderly then sex comes off the table. If not...give 'er.
 
I think there's a HUGE difference between no sex and just frustrated with the sex you are getting--no sex would be really hard. You'd essentially just be roommates and, hopefully, best friends and trying to make it work with just those two ingredients. People do it, but it would be darn near impossible. My own situation is more frustration with the amount/frequency/type/etc factors. And yeah, you can have a happy marriage in that situation. I liken it to my favorite restaurant--the food is amazing, the owners are super nice, but the service is ridiculously slow. The food makes up for the slow service. I think that's the case in a lot of complicated marriages.
 
Yes. I love my husband and we're compatible in every way other than when it comes to sex drive. I have more kinks than him but that didn't matter so much originally - I'd been around the block more than once before we met so have plenty of memories/fantasies in the bank - and we used to have plenty of sex albeit my sex drive was always a bit higher than his. His substantially more marked lack of libido over the last few years is mainly down to medical issues/medication which isn't his fault, but at the same time I struggle to cope with sex only 3-4 times a year.

I am having an affair now, a purely sex-related thing with a discreet married friend who is in a similar position of mismatched libidos, but I have no intention of leaving or hurting my husband. We're otherwise great together, we're still romantic and affectionate. We just hardly ever have sex. The ideal scenario would have been if he'd been open to sharing me so I could have enjoyed the regular fucking I crave with his blessing, but unfortunately that's not the case.
 
I'm happily married to my wonderful wife but while our sex life is satisfactory, she's incapable of satisfying my deepest craving, I'm a compulsive and insatiable cocksucker.
 
And yeah, you can have a happy marriage in that situation. I liken it to my favorite restaurant--the food is amazing, the owners are super nice, but the service is ridiculously slow. The food makes up for the slow service. I think that's the case in a lot of complicated marriages.

This is a great analogy. In my case, it's a restaurant with fantastic service, incredible atmosphere, and the most lovely vanilla ice cream imaginable. But there is nothing else on the menu.

Yes. I love my husband and we're compatible in every way other than when it comes to sex drive. I have more kinks than him but that didn't matter so much originally - I'd been around the block more than once before we met so have plenty of memories/fantasies in the bank - and we used to have plenty of sex albeit my sex drive was always a bit higher than his. His substantially more marked lack of libido over the last few years is mainly down to medical issues/medication which isn't his fault, but at the same time I struggle to cope with sex only 3-4 times a year.

I am having an affair now, a purely sex-related thing with a discreet married friend who is in a similar position of mismatched libidos, but I have no intention of leaving or hurting my husband. We're otherwise great together, we're still romantic and affectionate. We just hardly ever have sex. The ideal scenario would have been if he'd been open to sharing me so I could have enjoyed the regular fucking I crave with his blessing, but unfortunately that's not the case.

I am in a similar situation (without the discreet married friend), and sometimes wonder if he would be open to sharing me. It's not an easy topic to bring up.
 
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This is a great analogy. In my case, it's a restaurant with fantastic service, incredible service, and the most lovely vanilla ice cream imaginable. But there is nothing else on the menu.



I am in a similar situation (without the discreet married friend), and sometimes wonder if he would be open to sharing me. It's not an easy topic to bring up.

I soooooo get vanilla only ice cream...

As you say...its GREAT vanilla but another flavor would be great!
 
Do you think it's possible to be happily married but still very frustrated with your sex life?

i'm living the dream...and I wouldn't change it. my first marriage was a sexual adventure...but lacked everything else. Plus she enjoy cock that wasn't mine...in the back set of our car...
 
I think it is rare to find a perfect match for all of the complexities of life, and then to throw in sex too? I'm 54 and finally found someone who ALMOST fits the bill 2 years ago and I'm hanging on to her. I say almost because although she doesn't get off on one of my kinks I have a green light to indulge with someone who does, and she wants all the details during our next fuck. To me that's as good as it gets. All you couples out there in your 20's and 30's, if you can come close like I have hang onto it! I have a slew of failed relationships that never made it past dating, about 50/50 failing because of kinks or other reasons. Good luck on finding your match.
 
This is a great analogy. In my case, it's a restaurant with fantastic service, incredible atmosphere, and the most lovely vanilla ice cream imaginable. But there is nothing else on the menu.



I am in a similar situation (without the discreet married friend), and sometimes wonder if he would be open to sharing me. It's not an easy topic to bring up.

Yup. Very tasty vanilla ice cream with a decided lack of menu choices. And i did bring the topic of open marriage or poly up. He was initially open to idea but ultimately decided that he wasn't okay with it for a variety of reasons. So no in person affairs for me, even if i would dearly love open marriage.
 
Yes... But

Do you think it's possible to be happily married but still very frustrated with your sex life?

It has to depend on the reason. I.e. a mental or physical condition that means one of the two has a suppressed sex drive.

Then the other can be happy still and have compassion.
 
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