Guy's Rules

[rgraham666]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a
big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need
it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we
are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear
on this one: Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints
do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you
want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is
a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all
comments become null and void after 7
days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's
Secret girls, don't expect us to act like
soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably
are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted
two ways and one of the ways makes you
sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need
directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like
Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin
is also a fruit. We have no idea what
mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do
that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say
nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not
worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an
answer to, expect an answer you don't
want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere,
absolutely anything you wear is fine...
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about
unless you are prepared to discuss such
topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know,
I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but
did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.

 

[rgraham666]

Sorry for the formatting folks. Too lazy to fix it.

 

[KarenAM]

I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

Are you going to build a little fort with the cushions?

 

[rgraham666]

Probably.

I may not completely be a guy though.

I never think about monster trucks and I have no idea what the 'shotgun formation' is.

 

[cloudy]

1. You have too many shoes.

The rest are fairly reasonable, but I have to take exception to this one.

A woman can never have too many shoes. It doesn't matter if I have 17 pairs of black heels, they are all different, and as such, are for different outfits, or occasions.

 

[rgraham666]

It's been over a decade since my marriage disintegrated, but I never want to see the inside of a shoe store ever again.

I knew where every shoe store was for twenty miles. So we could avoid going past them if we went somewhere.

 

[MagicaPractica]

Hmmm....

Well, I agree with most of them but there are a couple I would qualify....

In my house the toilet seat better be down because the cleaning fluid is highly toxic and I want to keep my dog.

Crying could be a form of blackmail but I HATE to cry in front of people so if I've gotten to that point, make sure the guns and knives are locked up and hide the iron frying pans.

Columbus never got where he was headed either.

Hee hee

 

[Wildcard Ky]

Probably.

I may not completely be a guy though.

I never think about monster trucks and I have no idea what the 'shotgun formation' is.

DOH!! Don't know what the shotgun formation is? I didn't think that was possible in any english speaking country on this continent.

It's a football formation. Football is good.


Somewhat keeping with the spirit of the thread, here's a couple of jokes:

What's the two biggest lies a man can tell?

#1. I don't masturbate.

#2. I'm trying to quit.

What's the difference between a guys dick and his paycheck?

The guy doesn't have to beg his wife to blow his paycheck every two weeks.

 

[LilDarlin]

~Guys Rules~

You knew you were gonna have a lotta replys on this right? Oh I forgot, I knew the answer so I was NOT suppose to ask that, lol


This has GOT to be said:


1. I have had a headache for 13 yrs, he has YET to go to the Dr.

1. Comments are null and void after 7 days due to brain span?

1. Why do I have to wait till commericals to say what I want, I have the remote...

1. Christopher Columbus went in circles for days too, I do not want too.

1. If it itches, do I have to watch while you scratch?

1. When we go somewher I can wear anything and look Great right.. Well I am gonna wear my muckin out the pig pen clothes, after all they are soooo comfy.

1. I NEVER have enough clothes, *looks at rgrahm* thinkin you dont either, we could go shoppin you know..


*Brings rgrahm his snuggly blankie, and a cuppa hot chocolate* for his stay on the couch.

*gets my own for my stay on the roll out... *winks*



Thanks for letting me have my fun~~ *Giggles*

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Probably.

I may not completely be a guy though.

I never think about monster trucks and I have no idea what the 'shotgun formation' is.

The shotgun formation is used in football, primarily on passng downs. Rather than being under center the QB starts about a tree step drop behind the center. It give the QB a better view of the defense and allows him to find recivers faster while also putting him farther away from defenders at the start of a play.


ALL men see in only 16 colors, like
Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin
is also a fruit. We have no idea what
mauve is.

1. You have too many shoes.


Cause and effect.

 

[Guest]

In response to the first #1:

If women didn't take flying, butt first leaps at the toilet in the dark there would not be a problem.

 

[Boxlicker101]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a
big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need
it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we
are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear
on this one: Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints
do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you
want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is
a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all
comments become null and void after 7
days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's
Secret girls, don't expect us to act like
soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably
are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted
two ways and one of the ways makes you
sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need
directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like
Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin
is also a fruit. We have no idea what
mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do
that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say
nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not
worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an
answer to, expect an answer you don't
want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere,
absolutely anything you wear is fine...
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about
unless you are prepared to discuss such
topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know,
I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but
did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.

I am inclined to agree with most of these rules but I would like to say that, Yes, shopping is not a sport. I don't think women think of it as a sport; it is a recreational activity like reading or watching game shows or going to a movie, except much more active. Usually it is not competitive, but sometimes it is.

I totally agree on asking. Hints do not work.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Guy's Rules

 

[Guest]

I must be weird...

I own 5 pairs of shoes.

I hate shopping.

I love talking about sex.

I love having sex.

I never get headaches.

I'm mad about sport, particularly football.

I always dress like the sluttiest Victoria Secrets girls.

Some men are so bloody lucky, I just hope they realise it, constantly, and I wish they'd show me, more often.

Lou

P.S. Ok, so I do cry now and again and I have mood swings to rival anyone else.

 

[SensualCealy]

Too cute RGraham,

only one Id argue with is the one about Chris Columbus, he had a navagator didnt he? The one holding the map? The one that didn't get him to where he wanted to be- Just like me!

If you want to go where you set out to go, read the map before incerting the key!!!
SC

 

[rgraham666]

Thanks for the info on the shotgun formation, peeps.

That's why I don't know I now realize. I don't watch sports, except for things I used to participate in when I was younger; karate, sabre fencing, biathalon.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Sheesh! I had no idea men were so complicated! I definitely won't be having any heterosexual experiments in the future!

 

[SnoopDog]

A-MEN !!!! That was a good list.

Snoopy

 

[rgraham666]

Sheesh! I had no idea men were so complicated! I definitely won't be having any heterosexual experiments in the future!

And women are simple?

It would appear that you have a definition of the word 'simple' that I hadn't considered before.

 

[LilDarlin]

~A Simple Woman~

Yes, we are simple.

Just listen to all that we say.

Do all that we tell you.

Be great in bed.

Leave the seat down, please *winks*

Do not fuss about our clothes an shoes.

Yes, go watch football with the boys (I need a break).

Let us have our way in All things.

Yes, think that almost covers it all.


Sorry had to have a come back on the woman thing~~

I am really a fun gurl, love humor, and always lookin for the laugh..
Hoping I do not offend those of you with err issues.. Just havin my fun, and rambling on..

Thanks again for letting me have my say~

 

[Guest]

A suggestion,

A blow job is an acceptable, even preferred, alternative to a kiss goodnight, a thank you, a smile or for the hell of it.

To a guy, its flowers, chocolate, fine wine, pearls and diamonds wrapped up in one. Takes just a few minutes, and when done properly, no fuss, no muss.

 

[Guest]

And, being asked to give a blow job can also be a great reward for a woman. Well, this woman, anyway.

 

[Guest]

And, being asked to give a blow job can also be a great reward for a woman. Well, this woman, anyway.

<sigh>
Damn Atlantic is too wide.

 

[SnoopDog]

<sigh>
Damn Atlantic is too wide.

For me it would only be a short hop over the channel.

Snoopy,

 

[Boxlicker101]

<sigh>
Damn Atlantic is too wide.

What do you mean too wide? A treasure like Lou is worth the swim. Although knowing she was waiting would allow me to float over.